


Wired

by Rona23



Series: Merlin´s  magic [47]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Evil Morgana (Merlin), Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Good Morgana (Merlin), Heavy Angst, Immortality, M/M, More tags to be added, Multi, Philosophy, Polyamory, Sort Of, Time - Freeform, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, Time and space, fixing it with angst, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:33:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rona23/pseuds/Rona23
Summary: This is a story of what comes beyond.And it ends, as it always does, at the veil.
Relationships: Agravaine & Morgana (Merlin), Gwaine & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Gwen/Lancelot/Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur - Relationship, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merlin´s  magic [47]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588378
Comments: 92
Kudos: 97





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> So... I am rewatching Merlin (still)  
> And I had a thought... and it escalated XD  
> Have fun.  
> So, the first chapter is nothing yet. It just explains my viewing on time for this story.  
> It's a bit philoshopical, that will change, I promise.  
> You may even skip that part.... until the actual chapter begins.

The concept of time is a construct made by mankind.  
The concept of time is simple in the fact that everyone knows it exists. Apart from the occasional philosophic moment when we question everything. Even our own existence.

Merlin had once come upon a man who told him: “There is no time, there is only decay”.  
And it sounds wise, even in a pub crowded with drunk students and the smell of smoke and alcohol.  
What this man did not count, was that decay does not exist outside the concept of time.  
Nothing does.  
Time determines the beginning and the end of decay. Therefore, decay cannot replace time itself.  
Decay only works in one direction, it only works aligned with time. But it's not the same.  
The closest thing to oppose decay is creation. But rewinding time in both cases looks much different.  
Creation follows the same method, parallel to decay. And they too, are linked to time. But not the same.

As you see, the question of what time is, is more complicated than most people think. You don't have one wise moment and suddenly you understand everything about every single thing this world ever came up with.  
It can take years, decades, centuries, generations of philosophers to get somewhat closer to an answer to this question. 

So far, there is only one fact we know for sure.  
And that is, that we are incapable of grasping the concept of time in full. 

We, as humans, are caught and trapped in time and space. We cannot live outside it.  
We cannot even begin to think anything beyond.  
Even when you try to grasp the concept of nothing, you will come up with a picture.  
You cannot imagine not existing.  
There is always something. Never nothing. Nothing itself, is at the very least a word.

You cannot imagine yourself outside of space either. You will always imagine a room or a field. Always, a limited place. Even an endless void, has it's borders.  
And you cannot imagine yourself outside of time, because you will always move along with it. Always moving. Whether it's forwards or backwards does not matter.  
Because you, as a person, need time and a place, to even start thinking about these topics.  
You need to be somewhere to think. And you need time to think it through. 

Death and sleep is the closest we come to imagine this concept. 

And that is, because when we die, our brain stops functioning. When we sleep the dreamless parts of the night, our mind shuts off for hours at once.  
The mere act of unconsciousness is timeless in itself. You merely blink and hours have passed.  
It feels like less than a second. At the same time, it feels like you were gone forever.

That moment of complete obliviousness, of non existing, that is beyond time. That is nothingness.  
That is, what one could imagine death to be like. 

Apart from that, everything else exists. Everything leads to death, but until then, we are alive.  
Until we die, until we reach our final destination, we are bound to life.  
And if you bring destiny into the mix... you are immortal, until destiny calls upon your end. 

This is the basic understanding of time. 

But there are.... methods to get an understanding of how time works. Not why it exists, or what the lack of it may mean. There are theories on how, instead.

As the human mind came up with tools and simplified concepts, time could be a straight line.  
It could be a circle.  
Others may say it is a spiral. 

But those are, in my opinion, too simple constructs.  
Because this suggests that every decision we make, was planned neatly and orderly.  
This takes away the believe in chaos and the random.  
Instead, you can make hundreds of decisions. And all those decisions could change the timeline. 

This is why philosophers often argue whether or not you could go back in time and change the past, or if by going back, you create your own timeline in the first place. Is it set in stone?  
Is it destiny or is it you who decides your future?  
Why not both?

Some people believe that every decision splits the timeline in parallel universes. 

Let's imagine, every timeline was one long endless line.  
And now, imagine a texture. Like crossed lines over another.  
And I think that is a nice start. But I believe, we have to take it a few steps forward to get a proper picture. 

Imagine you had a whole bundle of wires. You don't know where one ends and the next begins. Hell, you don't even know how many wires there are.  
They are pure chaos, knotted here and there, they contact at another place again.  
And all of them are charged. 

Electricity is the synonym of life here. Electricity always searches for the easiest way to get to it's goal. However, let's say, the electricity has the ability to choose at every contact point which wire to use.  
How does the electricity know the easiest way? The answer is, there is no answer to that.  
Because it's not important.  
Because each cable ends where it began. The electricity leads nowhere. But it always goes in one direction. It never turns around. 

This is why time travel is impossible. We are too weak to go against the stream.  
But if you move forward, endlessly, you will at one point, return to the place where you started and from there, move along completely different or exactly the same. Depending on what you choose.  
IF you don't get lost in so many possibilities. (1)

But... of course, to do that, your immortality needs to be much longer than that of a normal person.


	2. Despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I forgot to mention this is angst.  
> It will get better, but this chapter is pure suffering, as the title implies

The concept of time had never been an easy one for Merlin.   
Even though he always believed his magic to be connected to it somehow.   
When Merlin was still a child, when he was being attacked, when something fell down, when only something slightly moved, his magic had reacted to it and time just... stopped.   
For the object that is.   
It would stop in midair..... and when Merlin let his magic off the object, it would just continue it's path. 

He could, of course, manipulate it. Put it somewhere else. But something that was broken was not easily repaired. It was not rewinding time that healed an object. Merlin just willed it back together.

As the events of his life in Camelot unfolded, and Merlin was faced with destiny and duty to Arthur, Camelot, Gaius, Arthur, the Dragons, Magic, the knights and did I mention Arthur? -   
He soon found, he had no time to ponder about such things.   
Ironically, he could have needed it. 

After Camlann, after Merlin respectfully failed at protecting Arthur, he suddenly had lots and lots of time.   
He stayed in Camelot for a while.   
Gwen became queen in Arthur's stead and repealed the ban on magic. 

It had come as a surprise to Merlin, when Gwen told him she knew. She asked him to be court sorcerer.   
But Merlin.... after years of hiding, after just being accepted by Arthur completely and fully for who he was, until, ultimately, Arthur died in his arms, Merlin couldn't find it in himself to use magic.   
At all. Ever again.  
So he refused. And asked to become court physician after Gaius instead. 

Gwen had been confused, but accepted his request with worry. 

Two days later, Sir Percival returned with additional bad news. Gwaine was dead as well. 

Upon hearing this, Merlin had merely closed his eyes, taken a deep breath and went back to his duties. He was too used to death.

All of Camelot was in pain, upon loosing their king. Upon loosing many trusted knights. 

Merlin lived his life away, like he would have before.   
He would remain the same. Used to loose more and more each day.   
There were just... less people to talk to. 

After Will died, Merlin had lost his will to return home.   
After Lancelot had died, Merlin had lost the ability to confide in people.  
After Freya died, he had lost the will to love again.   
After his father died, his wish to be loved died as well.   
After Uther Pendragon died, Merlin lost his dream to ever tell anyone about his magic.  
After Elyan died, Merlin lost the ability to make new friends.   
After Gwaine died, Merlin couldn't find it in himself to laugh at jokes anymore.

All of that and more, would have been bearable. If Arthur had lived.   
Because with Arthur, Merlin lost his purpose in life. 

Merlin remained in his position as a shadow figure in Camelot.   
He could not bear to be praised for his doings over the years. Not with how many mistakes he had made. Not with the price everyone had paid for it.

He grew solemn and numb. He didn't isolate himself, he just kept doing his job.   
He talked to the friends he still had left, because...  
he had to move on. 

But he couldn't. And that was Kilgharrah's fault. Because the Dragon had promised him, Arthur would return.   
In the beginning, it gave him hope.   
It stood with him for years. He waited and waited. And then they grew old. And then Gaius died.   
So Merlin had no one left to turn to for advice, for comfort. 

Then Gwen died. Without ever getting married, without ever having children. And with her, Merlin's hopes of Arthur ever returning, left without warning.   
Gwen was Arthur's wife. If he didn't return to her in her time of need, then Merlin didn't believe Arthur would return at all.

Camelot fell, two hundred years later. Albion and the golden age had been a short one. It had lasted as long as Arthur was king and it ended with Gwen's death.  
Merlin cursed the dragon for all those lies. The golden age was over, before it ever began.

It was not really a war, as much as it was a slaughter.   
And there were only two people who survived. Merlin. And Leon.

Yes, Leon. THE Sir Leon. The knight who survived everything, apparently.   
At first, Merlin had thought, Leon was just cursed with a long, insufferable life.   
But then, none of them died.   
After both had long passed their first century, they came to the realization that neither of them would die any time soon. 

In fact, when they both got stabbed so badly in the war, that they should have died, they figured they needed magical means to ever find death.

Merlin knew, in his own case, his magic must be the reason.   
But Leon?  
Over the years, they came up with the theory, that Leon only lived, because the druids made him drink from the cup of life once. It was the only explanation.  
Merlin had not understood how this was possible.   
However, it made sense.   
The cup had created immortal armies. Maybe this was the price you pay for meddling with life and death. Being undead. Leon was paying that price.

Which implied, that Arthur, who had been saved with the water of the cup of life, back when the questing beast attacked him, would have been immortal as well.   
The only reason he was dead, was because Mordred had a blade much like Excalibur. One that was designed to kill the undead. Forged in a dragon's breath.

When Merlin had figured this out, he had screamed for the first time in over a hundred years. 

And it was then, that his research on time began. Leon, as Merlin's only remaining friend, helped him as much as he could.   
Though – they didn't ever talk much. Grief can stay with you for a long time. Especially, when it is fueled with so much regret. 

Merlin hoped, desperately, that he could turn back time.   
There was no real point in waiting. SO maybe they could go back and right their wrongs instead?  
However, Merlin realized soon enough, that he couldn't turn back time. He could not even stop it fully. He realized it late in life, he knew. But he only managed to slow time down to an extreme level.   
This was manipulation of time. Not control. 

Eventually, after another hundred years of traveling the world to find answers, they both gave up. 

Time went on.   
They became witnesses to purges, to battles, slaughters and war. 

Merlin's powers had grown until this point. So much, that he managed to overpower the last remaining magical beasts completely on his own. If he wanted to.   
He wasn't using magic anymore, after all.  
Even though he used to need weapons as tools for his magic before. Now, he didn't. 

It was during the second world war, that Leon asked Merlin to take his life.   
Loyalty and friendship had kept them together. A history that made other people's friendships crumble in comparison.   
Sometimes they lived miles apart for years, and yet, they always stayed in contact. 

Leon and Merlin had been enlisted as American soldiers during the war. They had lived in the country for a few years and therefore qualified for the army.   
And since their aging proved to move much much slower than it should, they couldn't evade this war by confirming their real ages. 

They had been part of the raids that rescued the holocaust survivors from the German extermination camps.   
And after seeing the horrors there, after seeing what humans were capable of.... Leon had broken down.   
Not for the first time, but it was worse than ever. 

“The dragon said, Arthur would return in the time of Albion's greatest needs. If this is not enough for him to return, what else must we endure?”  
And Merlin understood all too well. What happened in Camelot was ….  
well. Merlin at least UNDERSTOOD where they went wrong. What their mistakes were.   
They all, Morgana included, had suffered and then made choices they thought to be right.   
Morgana may have fallen prey to her hatred, but her reasons were not unfounded. 

The suffering they saw here?   
Humans, starved, enslaved, and killed for simply existing was one thing that had often happened in history.   
But this? This slaughter, this dehumanization, this mass murder....  
This had no roots. No reason. No actual goals. It didn't serve a purpose. It didn't make sense.   
It was just...  
Piles of naked, nameless bodies. Bodies with numbers tattooed into their arms, like filed documents. That was all they were considered as. 

They weren't filed as threads to humanity. They were filed as lesser beings. Unworthy of life. 

Merlin and Leon did their best to find Excalibur again. After Leon had killed himself, Merlin used the sword on himself. He was too scared to live on alone.   
But destiny had always proven to Merlin, that he had no choice in these matters.   
Excalibur did not kill him. It burst into pieces and dissolved into nothing but glowing metal.

Why?  
Merlin had never felt... so lost.   
With Gwen had died his hopes for the future.   
With Leon, had died his believe in justice in the world. 

Merlin's immortality was unlike Leon's. Because Leon was undead. Leon had paid a price for returning to life.   
Merlin was born this way. Merlin had been “gifted” with more life than any man could ever possess.   
Merlin would not die. Not like this. Not ever. 

That was when Merlin finally gave up and tried to start a new life. Not a meaningful one. God knows he had enough of purpose and meaning. He just wanted to be left in peace.   
He lived alone from now on.   
Hardly making friends, because he knew he would lose them all.   
Merlin may be immortal, but there was nothing left to live for.


	3. Hope

Time went on. Of course. So did Merlin.  
He cannot pinpoint exactly when it happens. But after the fall and the death of magic, slowly, it build back up.  
Merlin, who had lived for thousands, if not millions of years, hardly noticed. It happened slowly and gradually.  
Until eventually, it was ever present once again.

Merlin noticed that something was strange, when a man, named Bruta united the kingdoms.  
Kingdoms? Since when had it been kingdoms again?  
The world had been a wasteland and Bruta had united it again.

Merlin shook of the thought. It was coincidence, was it not? Until he heard that a man, a sorcerer, named Cornelias Sigan was building a castle. Precisely, where Camelot had once resided.  
Upon further inspection, Merlin realized, it was exactly the Camelot that had fallen oh so long ago.

In the blink of an eye, because time flies by faster, the older you get, Uther Pendragon was pronounced king of Camelot.  
He should have inherited the kingdom. But a war, involving lots and lots of magic, forced him to take action.  
Uther was as old as Arthur had been when Merlin met him, when he conquered Camelot and took back the throne that was rightfully his.

Another blink, and magic was once again forbidden. Dragons and Dragonlords were hunted once more. And Merlin knew, instinctively, that Arthur was born once again.

You may now ask: why did Merlin not interfere? Why did he sit back and watch?  
Why wasn't he running after the Dragon's, after the once and future king?

The answer is simple. Merlin had never dared to hope to see Arthur ever again.  
Now that the possibility was there, his own acceptance and grief stopped him from investigating.  
He feared to get attached again. He feared to lose once more.

He had lived too long to return.  
His goals had long stopped being his goals. His noble intentions had died with his last remaining friends. He did not belong here anymore. There was but one goal left for him. And that was death. He had been searching for his chance for years.

And, as time moved on, it eventually presented itself.  
Merlin was careful not to change anything.  
Call him selfish, but he was desperate. If he missed this chance, he would have to repeat the entire circle of life again. At this point, he could not deal with that.

So he let Morgana turn evil. He let her sacrifice Morgause at the veil.  
He knew, what he had to do. For the first time in a million years, Merlin felt something akin to hope well up in his chest.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been days, since the Dorocha had first attacked Camelot. Arthur and his men had ridden out to close the veil. Of course, Arthur had not told anyone but Merlin and Gaius of his plan.  
His plan to sacrifice himself at the veil.

While Arthur knew, he was riding out to his death, he knew he had to survive as long as possible.  
As did his men.  
Why Merlin had insisted to come along, he did not know. Right now, he regretted letting him come with.  
They had needed fire to avert the Dorocha and Arthur had volunteered to get fire wood.  
Of course, Merlin came with.

Somewhere, something had gone wrong. And the Dorocha had attacked them once more.  
The ran and hid in the ruins, where they had build up camp.  
With no wood and no fire to protect themselves, they could only hope that the Dorocha would not find them.

They hid behind a wall. Adrenaline rising high, as they knew their death could be around the next corner. Arthur cursed himself for letting Merlin come with him.  
On this quest, to collect firewood. Anywhere, really. But Merlin was always so persistent. Always so incredibly stubborn.

“It's cold.“, Arthur said through shivering and cluttering teeth. He felt frustrated and exasperated, additional to the fear. It truly was cold though. His chain mail did nothing to prevail the chilly air to invade his body. The cold stone they were hiding behind sucked out what little warmth he had left.  
It was shortly after Samhain after all.  
It was as cold as ice outside.

“Right.”, Merlin offhandedly commented. Seriously?

“You're not feeling it?”, his tone was almost accusing.  
“I c...”, Merlin stopped himself, before he shrugged and shook his head. His eyes didn't meet Arthur's. Merlin may not be cold, but the fear in his eyes spoke volumes.

“You know, Merlin, you're braver than I give you credit for.”, Arthur could only wonder about Merlin. How he always rode out into danger with them. No weapon, no shield, no armor. But he always insisted on coming along.

“Really? Was that a compliment?”, Merlin nagged him.

“Don't be stupid.”, Arthur rolled his eyes.  
Merlin chuckled and then Arthur did, too. He was grateful for Merlin's talent to always revert back to their usual banter. It gave him comfort, even in the darkest hours.  
Arthur had almost always dismissed Merlin, whenever he said anything. But over the years, he came to value those traits and talents of his that calmed Arthur in the storms of his own rage.

At this point in their lives, he could not imagine his life without Merlin. He needed Merlin. He almost never realized that. But whenever he was in peril, which was embarrassingly often, he would. He would allow himself to confide in Merlin. Because Merlin was always there to support him. If any man had ever been deserving of Merlin's trust, it had been him.  
And so, he confided in him now as well.  
“All the things I've faced...I never worried about dying.”

“I don't think you should now.”, Merlin gave back, startling Arthur a little. He had expected Merlin to shrug and look at him worry and concern. Or to tell him something like: 'we'll be there for you. Your friends always have your back.'  
He had expected the serious look in Merlin's eyes.  
But not this certainty. This... almost demand. His comment was more a fact than advice. And yet, it held so much meaning.

“Sometimes you puzzle me.”, Arthur said. He should not worry about dying. But he would die at some point. Maybe now was the time to question Merlin on it.  
Merlin was still treating this as a joke. He lowered his voice:  
“You never fathomed me out?”, he joked. Arthur didn't understand. Did Merlin not even notice himself how wise he sounded? How.... strong and confident, even when he was so obviously terrified?

“No.”, Arthur said seriously.  
Merlin looked strange in the dim light that the moon provided them with.  
“I always thought if things had been different, we'd have been good friends.”  
Merlin's voice was serious again. Quiet. Regretful.  
Something strained inside Arthur. Were they not friends? What him and Merlin had was the closest thing to friendship Arthur ever had. Then again... they WERE master and servant.

“Yeah.”, he agreed through gritted teeth. Goddamn it, it was really cold.  
The could hear the screams of the dorocha in the background. They were close. Too close. Arthur knew they didn't have long.

“That's if you hadn't been such an arrogant, pompous, dollop head.”  
Merlin..... tyical. Arthur chuckled. This man never failed to make him laigh.  
Suddenly, Merlin sobered. What was it with those fluctuating moods in his tone nowadays?  
“We will defeat the Dorocha. We will, Arthur, together.”

Arthur eyes him. It was oddly reassuring to hear Merlin say that. Even now, Merlin's faith never wavered. It's as if he knew something that Arthur didn't.

“Well, I appreciate that. You know, you're a brave man, Merlin.”, he made a pause. He couldn't get too sentimental now. That would dampen their mood again. “Between battles.”, he added after a short pause.  
Merlin chuckled as well.  
“You don't know how many times I've saved your life.”  
Arthur could only grin.  
“Ha. If I ever become king, I'm gonna have you made court jester.”  
They both laugh now. Though, somehow Arthur had the feeling that Merlin's joke was a little less of a joke than he let on. Arthur shook off the thought. Merlin had saved his life. They both knew that.  
Maybe that's what it was. What he meant.  
The memory of the poisoned chalice still haunted Arthur's nightmares.  
Arthur still saw Merlin, how they first met. And how Merlin had saved him from a knife.  
Maybe... Merlin's accusation wasn't completely wrong.

It surely was cold. And dark. Fitting for their journey.

“They say the darkest hour is just before the dawn.”, he commented.  
Merlin, as always, stated the obvious.  
“Feels pretty dark right now.”

“Well, it can't be long then.” Yes. Maybe they would make it until dawn. Maybe they would survive.  
Then.... because destiny is a bitch like that, a Dorocha finds them and sweeps through the door. Arthur starts to rush out from around the corner, but Merlin pulls him back and stands up himself, running straight for the ghostly creature.  
Arthur realized too late what Merlin was doing. Too shocked to have even anticipated Merlin to do something so incredibly foolish.  
“Merlin, no!”, he barely managed to shout, as Merlin jumps.  
The Dorocha know no mercy. It caught him in the chest, stopped him mid-air and threw him back against the stone wall. He fell to the floor. Unmoving.  
Time stops for Arthur right there. As Gaius's words echo in his mind.

“No mortal has ever survived the dorocha's touch.”

Arthur barely noticed, when Lancelot and the other knights enter.  
This could not be happening. Merlin could not be....  
Arthur's breath caught in his chest. The horror creeping up his entire body. And suddenly he did not feel cold anymore. He felt something shatter inside him.  
Everything felt numb. Merlin could not be dead! Not Merlin. Not NOW! Arthur needed him to be there when he sacrificed himself.  
He needed the reassurance. He needed to make sure that …. what exactly?  
What exactly did he need Merlin for?  
Arthur didn't know. He just knew, he needed him.  
Arthur and Lancelot go to Merlin. Agonizingly slowly, they turn him over. He's frosted over like the corpses they had found. (2)

\---------------------------------------

The following night and the day after were complete nightmares for Arthur.  
Leon reassured him that it would be best to let Lancelot take Merlin back to Gaius. Gaius was Merlin's only hope now.  
That he was still breathing was a miracle in itself.  
But Arthur could not stop worrying. He would have abandoned the quest. Easily. Mindlessly.  
Merlin was his best friend.  
He couldn't bear to lose him.

Leon told him that his responsibility for Camelot was more important. That hundreds of lives were at stake.  
And so they carried on. Even though Arthur had to fight himself to.  
His head told him that Leon was right.  
His heart screamed at him that he didn't care! But he knew he had to care. He forced himself to.

Arthur knew, this was the last time he would ever see Merlin again.  
Merlin had begged, after they had secured him to the horse, to take him with him.  
Arthur wanted to. He didn't want to leave Merlin.  
But they had no choice. They had to go separate ways. It broke Arthur's heart.  
And that was without considering that he himself would die tomorrow.  
This was no 'See you later'. This was a harsh and final: 'Goodbye.'  
And they both knew that.

Arthur could not even laugh at the jokes of his knights anymore. And he knew they were aware of his mood.  
He wore his emotions so openly on his sleeve, he knew his father would have scolded him for it.

Eventually, they made camp in a small forest.  
On guard, they sat around a campfire. Arthur was keeping watch, until Elyan approached him.  
He must have sensed Arthur's distress. He was much like his sister in that way.  
Gentle and loyal hearts, the entire family.

“Seen anything?”  
Arthur shook his head. He didn't really want to talk.

“Do you know what we're going to face on the Isle of the Blessed?”  
Of course. A reasonable question. But Arthur felt sick. He couldn't tell his knights that they were riding out to get him killed.  
Arthur nodded, desperately hoping that Elyan would not ask.

“Do you want to tell me?”

“The burden's mine and mine to bear alone.”, he deflected.  
He couldn't expect Elyan to understand. But he begged the gods for mercy that he would. Or at least, that he would accept it. Arthur's decision was final.  
Sir Elyan did not seem very pleased by his words.  
“Look around, Arthur.”, he said and pointed at the knights behind them.

“We would fight a thousand armies with our bare hands for you. We're never alone. We stand together.” Arthur stood a little straighter at this. Right. Knighthood. Fight together, stand together, die together. Those were their rules.  
“Come on, I'll take over.”, Elyan sighed and reached for Arthur's torch.  
“You need some rest.”  
Arthur knew he was right. So he handed him the torch and put a hand on Elyan's shoulder

“Thank you.”  
Arthur patted Elyan on the back as he walks toward the campfire. Then they all hear the Dorocha again and gather close the fire.  
The fear was suddenly back. (2)

Suddenly, it was shuffling in the woods.  
Alarmed, Arthur jumped back on his feet and grabbed for his sword.

“It is always nice to see you, too. Arthur Pendragon.”, a shodowy figure stood between the trees.

Arthur frowned and squinted. He knew that voice.  
A figure walked out of the bushes. He looked... old. And familiar.  
The other knights had also hurried to their feet, unsheathing their swords.

“Arthur, who is this?”, Elyan asked, irritated that he hadn't noticed him sooner. He was on watch duty, he SHOULD have! But Arthur paid it no mind.

“This is Dragoon! He is a sorcerer.”, Arthur said. But as always, found himself irritated at the figure who now stepped into the light.

The leafs he stepped on made no sound, as if they were carrying him out of their own free will. It was then that Arthur realized the man must have made the noise on purpose.  
He had alerted them of his own volition. Which bode the question as to why.  
Surely an old man like him would have better waited until they slept, before attacking, right?

“What are you doing here? What do you want?”

The figure raised his head. A long white beard graced his worn leathery face. He looked... old.  
No scratch that, he had always looked old.  
It were his eyes that caught Arthur of guard. They looked tired and drained. Exhausted.  
Like he was worn of his age. He had not looked like this last time.

This made no sense. The last time he had seen him, the man appeared to be much less serious. Much less mature. And definitely less depressed.  
The figure slowly walked over to them. He had a staff in his hands with a blue gem stone embedded to it's top.  
His robes were old, but made of fine linen. Those were different than last time too.  
Had something happened between their last meeting?

Unafraid of their swords, the old man – his name was Dragoon, Arthur remembered, now stood right in front of Arthur. Arthur stepped back, ready to launch his sword at him.  
But then, the sorcerer's eyes softened.  
Relief washed over the old man's face. A nostalgic sadness that Arthur had never seen to such an extend before.

“You look exactly as I remember.”  
Arthur halted. What?  
The man cracked a smile, his voice close to a sob. And it was so soft, so incredibly fond on a face that so rarely smiled, that his entire skin seemed to crack at the unpracticed motion.

“It hasn't exactly been long, sorcerer! Last time I saw you, you were fleeing form the pyre for enchanting me with a love poultice!”

The knights turned to him curiously. “He made you fall in love? With who?”, Gwaine raised an eyebrow. Arthur opened his mouth, then pressed his lips together.  
The sorcerer paid Gwaine no mind.  
“Gwen.”, the man answered, deep in thought, as if only just rembering. “How is she?”

“Gwen? You are ENCHANTED?”, Elyan said, eyes wide. For a moment, the grip on his sword loosened. Arthur gritted his teeth and raised the sword to the old man's neck.

“Gwen is NONE of your concern. I was never enchanted and you know that.”

Dragoon didn't even flinch, he just laughed, as though this was the best day in his life. Which made... little to no sense.  
“If she was none of my concern, I would not have saved her.”

Arthur blinked and lowered his sword in confusion. “What do you mean? When did you save her?”  
“You know how Morgana has betrayed you. She had planned these events long before you knew of her. She planned to get Gwen executed by showing Uther that you were consorting with her.  
She planted the poultice, when that alone wasn't enough.  
I merely took the blame.”, he waved it off and walked passed Arthur to sit down at the fire, as if none of that just blew Arthur's mind.  
Because WHAT?

Dragoon took his staff and put it right next to himself. As though gravity did not matter to it, the staff stood in place, where he left it.  
Dragoon clapped and suddenly a bright light illuminated the entire area.  
So bright, it could have been the middle of a summers day.  
“Don't worry. I' mean you no harm. This light will keep the dorocha at bay.”

Arthur didn't even complain, while the sorcerer hardly seemed to care about his inner conflict. What the hell?  
That's why the sorcerer appeared then? To....take the blame for Gwen? To die at the pyre for her?  
Of all the things Arthur had expected, this had not been among them.  
Arthur did not want to believe it, but he lowered his sword. His knights followed his example.

“Why? Why would you help us. Gwen and me. You put your life on the line... why?”

“I quite like Gwen.”, the sorcerer said and rubbed his hands in front of the fire.

“How do you know her?”, Arthur said and stepped closer. But not too close.  
“The same way I know you, Arthur Pendragon.”  
“I do not know you. What do you want here? You practice magic, why would I trust you?”

Dragoon looked up, without looking at anything in particular. He just looked straight ahead, as if this conversation was more obnoxious than important.  
“I'm not asking you to trust me.”, he said with a low voice.  
Then he looked directly at Arthur again.  
“I know what you are planning at the veil. I am here to stop you.”

Arthur froze. His knights frowned in confusion.  
Gwaine was the first to stalk forward and hold the knife dangerously close to his neck.  
Gwaine was a chill person. In almost all matters. But when it came to his enemies, he could be fierce and harsh and merciless. And Arthur's enemies were his enemies as well.  
That counted for all of magic.  
The only reason he was holding back was, because Arthur had not given them an order yet. He was surprisingly loyal that way.

Dragoon gave him a wary glance over.  
“Arthur has a plan to rid the world of the dorocha. He is saving lives, when he closes the veil!”, Gwaine gritted out.

Dragoon gave him a pointed look. “Before you stick your sword in someone's face, you ought to listen, Sir Gwaine.”  
He shook his head and looked at Arthur again, without caring that Gwaine's sword had begun to draw blood.  
It was as though he merely noticed it.

“We both know the veil demands a blood sacrifice, young king. And we both know you are planning to sacrifice yourself.”

Arthur paled, as slowly, his knights turned to him.  
“Sire? Is this true?”, Leon asked, lowering his sword now.  
“Arthur, I have already told you, each of us would be ready to lay our lives down for you.”

“Elyan, You are my men. I cannot -”, Arthur shuddered in a deep breath and cursed Dragoon inwardly.  
Dragoon shook his head. “I'm not asking you to keep the veil open.  
I am asking to take your place.”

There was silence. In the distance, a dorocha screamed. Slowly, they all turned to look at the sorcerer again. The fire cracked under his old eyes, as he smiled.  
“What?”, Arthur asked warily but held up his hand to keep his knight's away from the man. Gwaine, hesitantly stepped back.

Dragoon cracked a smile at Arthur.  
“Arthur Pendragon, I am old. I am much older than any of you. And I have lived longer than any man could ever bear to. I am tired of it.”

Arthur shuddered. “I don't believe you. What is your real objective? Answer!”

“I simply want to die, Arthur Pendragon. That is all I ask.”, he gave Arthur a look so pained, it affected him too. Arthur felt his heart clench at the thought of craving death.

“That can be arranged.”, Gwaine muttered, but sheathed his sword. As though he believed him.  
Arthur couldn't blame him. The man did look extremely tired.

“You really are here to help us?”, Arthur couldn't help but ask.  
Dragoon smiled. “No.”, he said, unwavering and almost uncaring.  
Arthur grabbed for his sword again, but Dragoon continued.  
“I'm being selfish. I simply cannot stand this life anymore. I want it to end. For myself.”

“There are... easier ways to die.”, Leon blinked, making Dragoon chuckle.  
“When you pass your hundred's birthday, Sir Leon, you will realize that there are not.”  
“My what?”, Leon blinked confused.  
“Are you a prophet?”, Percival shoved himself forwards. Clearly curious now.  
Dragoon glanced him over as well.  
“I am. And I am not. I have simply seen all that time can offer. I have lived beyond the end and now I am hoping to find my death at the beginning.”

The knights gave each other strange looks. “What?”, they collectively asked.

“The Dragon rubbed off on me, sorry about that.”, Dragoon apologized, but Arthur did not dare ask.  
“What's so difficult about dying?”, Arthur was starting to get curious as well now. SO he sat down opposed to him. His knights following his example.  
Of course... the will to live made death hard. But this man did not seem to have any left.

“I have tried everything. From starvation over the dorocha to magical weapons designed to kill the undead. Nothing can kill me. The veil is my only chance.  
Let me do this and we all get what we want. And if I were to go back on my word, even if you do not trust me, you can overwhelm me and use me anyway.”

“You're serious.”, Arthur believed it. The man looked broken and strange.  
“I am.” Dragoon said. And it sounded more like he answered Arthur's inner thoughts than his actual question.  
He did not elaborate. He did not start telling them stories.  
He simply said: “Go to sleep. We have quite a journey left.”  
So, Elyan went back to watch the camp, while the rest of the knights hoped the magic light would keep the dorocha away. It did.

\------------------------------------

Arthur was puzzled by this sorcerer. Who was this man? Where did he suddenly come from? And why was he helping them? Even if he wanted to die, there was no reason for him to stick with Arthur and protect him. Apparently the man was powerful enough to protect himself.  
But Arthur found, he couldn't dwell on the thought for long.

He had more pressing matters to think about.

Merlin was still hurt. And the more time passed, the more probable it was that he was dead. Arthur should be worrying over the sorcerer, but he found his mind wandering.  
Could magic have saved Merlin?  
If they had taken Merlin with them, would this sorcerer have been able to help him?

Arthur didn't dare question this. He didn't want to blame himself for coincidence. He would have done anything to save Merlin. And if it took magic to help him, he would have.

“Dragoon.”, Arthur finally said, knowing that it was stupid to ask.  
Dragoon merely looked up. And those strangely familiar blue eyes met his own. Arthur swallowed.  
“I was wondering -”, he asked over the low breaths of his sleeping knights.  
“If any of us were touched by the dorocha. Would you be able to use magic to heal us?”  
Dragoon blinked and tilted his head.

“No mortal has ever survived the dorocha's touch.”, he merely shook his head as he repeated exactly what Gaius had told him.

Arthur took a deep shuddering breath. “Yes, but my servant has been touched by the dorocha. He was.... He's still alive. I know he is. But he is gravely ill. Could magic save him?” Arthur was feeling desperate in his silent request. Just... to know.  
“Are you worried about him? Your servant?”  
The sorcerer did not speak malicious of Merlin, but Arthur felt the need to defend him anyway.

“Merlin is...”, Arthur hesitated to admit this. To give information to this stranger.  
“Merlin is my friend.”, he confessed, causing the old man to look up again.  
With a little more confidence, Arthur continued.  
“He has come here with me, just to stay by my side. He has.... showed loyalty beyond compare. He was the most frightened of the dorocha, but even after the dorocha touched him, he was determined to stay with me. He's a good friend. And the bravest man I ever met. I trust him with my life. If anything happened to him -”, Arthur stopped himself. “ I just want to know, if he could be saved.  
Can magic save him?”

Dragoon opened his mouth in confusion, then he smiled to himself, before answering without looking at Arthur. “It already has.”

“What?”, Arthur asked, confused. “What does that mean? Have you found him? Have you cured him?”  
“No. The vilia did. They are the spirits of the brooks and rivers. They have healed him by now, I imagine. He will be back by tomorrow.”

Arthur blinked, his eyes wide. “I – I don't understand. River spirits? They saved – Merlin? Why?”  
At this, Dragoon looked up. He seemed to enjoy knowing too much.  
“Because you need him.”

At this, Arthur did not know what to say. “I wouldn't say I NEED -”

“You love him.”, Dragoon said and Arthur almost jumped back at the certainty in which Dragoon had said that. “I do NOT -”, Arthur snapped, but Dragoon held a hand to his lips to gesture Arthur into silence.  
“Don't deny it.  
You love your father. You love your knights. You love Camelot. You love your friends. And you love Merlin. You can admit it. There is no shame in that.  
A loving heart is a rare strength in a king, not a weakness. Even if some people try to tell you otherwise.  
Kings who rule with fear are scared themselves. Kings who rule with hatred, cause nothing but.  
But a man who rules with love and care, will find himself with thousands of allies. With loyal servants, compassionate knights and subordinates who would lay their life down for you.”  
Dragoon paused and watched as Arthur's eyes widened at the wise words of this man.

“Your servant loves you as well.  
He would do anything for you. And you need this support, Arthur Pendragon.  
The burden you bear is a heavy one, but you do not bear it alone.  
You can always rely on him. No matter what.  
You need him. And Camelot needs you both.”

Arthur opened his mouth to argue against this, but then the man said something that struck a low blow on Arthur.

“You didn't really think your servant followed you to the veil to watch you die, did you?”

“What are you -”  
“He was planning to die for you as well. Like all your knights would.  
And Lancelot has sworn an oath on his life to protect you. He will try the same thing.  
I do not want you to loose any of your friends tomorrow, Arthur Pendragon.  
The world is better with you in it. With all of you.”

Arthur felt speechless. “How come, a man who practices magic has such faith in me?”

Dragoon chuckled. “I have seen empires rise and fall. For thousands, if not millions of years. I have seen it all. Of all the kings, you were and you will be the greatest to have ever lived. You are the once and future king and your story will still be told, even when the world collides into itself and there is nothing left but dust.  
I believe in the future you will build.  
In fact, I have been fortunate enough to witness it myself.”

There was a pause, so electrifying, Arthur froze all over.

“ I never dared hope to see you again, Arthur.  
Now, that my relief is finally upon me, destiny has granted me the chance to finally fulfill my destiny and my greatest desire.”

Arthur stared at him. “And that is?”  
“To die. For you. My lord.”

Arthur paused to consider these words. But he couldn't find even a hint of lie in this old man's eyes. Not one.  
“Thank you.”, he finally said, as earnestly as he could. Hoping that he wouldn't regret it.

“Don't thank me.”, Dragoon said seriously. “Ever.”  
Arthur blinked confused. The 'why' was carved into his forehead and all too obvious for Dragoon to read.  
Dragoon shook his head. “I've seen how you die. They were your last words.”

Arthur wanted to say something – anything. But the tears the old man shed told him he shouldn't.  
He remained silent instead.  
After Arthur found his voice, he asked: “Did you travel in time? You're not speaking of mere prophecies, you speak like you know exactly what is going to happen.”

Dragoon nodded slowly. “Something like that.”, he admitted.  
And Arthur couldn't help but believe him.

\----------------------------------------------------------

They went of again to the isle of the blessed, when dawn was upon them. Arthur had hardly slept and his men kept watching the old man with varying degrees of trust.  
“So, how do you know Merlin?”, Gwaine finally interrupted the silence. For once, Arthur didn't even mind it.  
Gwaine was a strange one. He may be fierce in showing his hatred for his enemies.  
But he was quick to reconcile. And now he treated the sorcerer almost like he was an old friend.

“I see myself in him.”, the old man answered simply and walked forwards, passed a very confused Gwaine.

This man truly didn't need many words to confuse them all. He was talking in facts, as if every question known to mankind had answered itself to him.  
“Hey!”, Gwaine looked exasperated, as the man just ignored him and didn't elaborate.

“Are you friends with Merlin?”

“You may ask him that yourself.”, he stated again.  
“Wh – is Merlin alive?”  
Arthur flinched. Why did Leon have to make it sound like he was certain Merlin was dead?

Dragoon nodded. After that, nobody dared ask anything more. But hope settled over them.

\-------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (2) https://merlin.fandom.com/wiki/Transcript:The_Darkest_Hour  
> Most of this part is copied and then rewritten from the transcript. Well... the dialogue is copied. The rest is rewritten. I really think this scene has important weight for this story.  
> So... I added it. To remind you where we are in the official timeline. ^^


	4. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am planning another chapter after this, don't worry.   
> But I really do like how old Merlin comes around in here.   
> I am writing an angsty FIX IT fanfic. Who would have thought that's possible? I need to add tags. Jesus.

Arthur thought, that even though had now reason to believe Merlin to be alive (he wanted to believe it, forgive him), he had not expected it to happen like this. 

Sure, he could have expected Lancelot and Merlin to pull a prank on him. And surely, it should not have made Arthur's heart clench that impossibly harsh. When Lancelot said:   
“Bad news.” And paused so horribly that Arthur felt his heart shatter already.  
Before he said: “He's still alive.”

But seeing Merlin grin that lopsided smile, as if nothing was wrong....  
He knew they never reached Gaius. And even if they did, Gaius was no miracle worker. He would have ordered Merlin to rest for at least another two days.  
And even if Merlin had managed to escape, he would never have made it here in time, let alone so seemingly effortless. In perfect health. 

Merlin looked alive and well. No scratch on him. As if nothing had happened at all.  
This was his final confirmation. Dragoon had not lied. Merlin had been magically saved. For what reason, Arthur could only wonder. 

If Arthur had not had the discussion with Dragoon, he was certain he would not have questioned Merlin's miracle recovery.   
He would have been full of his own upcoming end and not wasted a second to feel anything but relief for Merlin return. He would have been blind to this. 

Right now, he could felt himself soak up the hope that Merlin brought back with him, as he was indulged in hugs of all the knights.   
Even Arthur himself could not help himself. He patted him on his arm. Though he was last to acknowledge his affection for his servant.  
“It's good to see you, Merlin.”, he said earnestly. And in Arthur's book, this was almost a love confession. 

He almost winced at Dragoon's claims that he did, indeed, love Merlin. Arthur hated to admit, that he couldn't deny it. He was glad to see Merlin. More than he could ever dare to admit. 

Merlin endured all the happy and relieved welcome backs, there in yet another old ruin which no one knew the history of. 

“Who is that?”  
Arthur swirled around, to see Lancelot curiously look at the man sitting at the fire.  
Dragoon looked at them, the nostalgic smile on his face again.   
His eyes were following Lancelot and Merlin with expecting eyes.

It was then that Merlin turned around to follow Lancelot's gaze.... And then Merlin froze.   
He halted where he had walked towards Lance, his face morphed into something like utter confusion. Startled beyond believe, he merely gaped. “Huh?”

Dragoon made no move to introduce himself, so Arthur did it for him. 

“This, Merlin, is Dragoon.”, Arthur pat him on the shoulder again, just to have a reason to be close to his friend.  
Merlin mindlessly stood there, still staring at Dragoon.   
Something akin to recognition in his eyes.

Arthur blinked. Had they met? Did Merlin know him? That could not be. Merlin had been drunk beyond believe, when Dragoon had escaped the pyre. No way he remembered him. 

“The great.”, Arthur added to bring the humor back, but Merlin stalked forward to confront the old man. 

“Who are you really.”, he said and he said it with so much disbelieve, like he had expected Dragoon to be dead. Like it was impossible that this man sat in front of him at all. Like his mere existence was questionable.

“Who do you think I am.”, Dragoon's expression was almost a mirror to Merlin's. And for the first time, Arthur saw them side by side.   
There was... a striking similarity between the two. Arthur frowned. That's weird? Something in their eyes looked incredibly similar.

“You can't … be.”, Merlin frowned, but the more he watched Dragoon, the more his disbelieve seemed to fade. It was like Merlin was trying to sense something.   
Strange, how the happy mood had suddenly shifted again. 

“Merlin? Do you know him?”, Lancelot reached out to comfort Merlin, but Merlin swatted his hand away.   
Now, Merlin was usually a very affectionate person.   
When Merlin refused affection he was usually mad. Determined, on guard. Like he expected the worst to happen. Something only he knew of. This look, Arthur had often recognized and waved off like it didn't matter. He would still insist that it didn't.   
But he had often been wrong about it. 

“Merlin?”, Lancelot asked again, totally confused now.   
Merlin ignored him an walked forward.   
“You're....”, Merlin breathed heavily as he stood before Dragoon. His eyes frantically searching for something wrong or different in this face.   
“You're old.”

Arthur frowned. THAT'S what bothered him?  
“Your magic -”, Merlin said and swallowed and now.... that was an interesting sentence, because.... Dragoon wasn't using magic right now.   
Nothing but the beacon of light from the staff, but Merlin wasn't looking at it. He was only looking at Dragoon. It was questionable, if he had even noticed the beacon.

Merlin noticeably paled. 

“Magic powers grow, the older you are.”, Dragoon said, his voice crooked from age. The firelight made his features more prominent. And that's when Arthur noticed that his cheekbones were about as sharp as Merlin's. That's incredible.   
Merlin's cheekbones were his trade mark. 

For all Arthur knew – they could be related. Were they? It would explain why he helped Gwen. Gwen and Merlin were friends. Maybe Merlin had helped him?  
But then.... had Merlin lied to him?

“I did not go back in time, if that is what you're asking. Time ends were it begins. It happened agonizingly slowly and it's hard to pinpoint what is and what isn't the end. I have a few theories, but I cannot be sure. This is my first return, after all.”

“You came around.”, Merlin nodded slowly, as though he understood.   
His eyes were completely fixed on the sorcerer, but he did not seem afraid. Now THAT was unusual. Even more than Merlin ignoring Lancelot.   
Arthur blinked and shared a look with the equally confused knights. 

“Merlin you must heed the future.”, Dragoon suddenly said and Arthur walked forwards to hear him better. He was talking quietly, but Merlin took him serious.   
Since when were sorcerer's interested in Merlin and HIS future?

“What happens?”, Merlin asked, too eager to hear him out. To eager to soak up his every word, as though it held the upmost meaning and importance. As though this was not the first time this had happened.

“You fail.”, Dragoon said and Merlin's eyes widened. Fear written all over his face. 

“Fail what?”, Arthur had it with his patience. What were they talking about? Why did Merlin of all people seem to KNOW what Dragoon was talking about?  
What was going on?

“Merlin what is he talking about?”, Arthur ordered.

“How?”, Merlin asked instead and kept ignoring Arthur.   
“You know how.”

Arthur frowned completely. What did he fail in? What did Merlin know? 

Apparently, more than Arthur, because Merlin didn't seem to care about either of their presence anymore.  
“No.”, Merlin shook his head with conviction. “I have SWORN to protect him. It's my destiny to keep him alive. No matter what. It's my destiny!  
I will not fail. I swear it!”

“It is your destiny to bring upon the golden age of Camelot. That time is as soon as Arthur is king. You will keep him alive until then and until the end. It is all well, while he lives. Everything after is just as bad as before. For you especially, it will be nothing short but hell. 

You forget, that it is supposed to be a time of magic as well.   
Your devotion to your king outgrows your love for magic.   
You fail, because you deny magic it's chance. You fail, because you keep choosing destiny over your own morale. Merlin, you must be true to yourself.”, Dragoon said. 

Arthur wanted to say something. But he felt completely lost. It was like their conversation held place in a completely different dimension. Merlin.... loved magic? LOVED it?

Merlin was breathing heavily. His eyes flickered to Arthur, as though he finally noticed what Dragoon had said. What he just implied. Merlin swallowed.  
Or was this how they knew each other? Had Dragoon showed Merlin magic and entranced him of it?  
Once upon a time, Arthur had told Merlin NOT to confide in magic.   
Back, when his best friend had died in Ealdor. And Merlin had helped Arthur and his father to fight magic. This made absolutely no sense!

Arthur felt a little like a hypocrite. It was a strange dejavu. Another sorcerer swore he was willing to lay his life down for Arthur. 

There was a silent exchange of words between Merlin and Dragoon. Merlin was begging Dragoon for something. But Arthur couldn't tell what it was. 

“Merlin, how do you know him?”, it was Lancelot who spoke up now. He too, looked like he understood part of what Dragoon was saying. 

Merlin turned to him. “Dragoon is Emrys.”, he stated, as if that explained anything.   
At the name, Percival suddenly stumbled back in shock. He stumbled over loose rocks on the ground, momentarily raising attention to his big presence.   
But the attention was short, as Lancelot spoke again.

Lancelot stared at Merlin, like he just saw a ghost. “That's impossible.”, he said.   
Percival looked like he was trying to hide. Upon Arthur's questioning glance at the tank, Arthur finally got ONE question answered.   
“Emrys is the most powerful sorcerer who ever walked the earth, Sire! I didn't know he existed yet! There are prophecies but.....”, Percival said, but was cut off by Merlin.

“It is him. I can feel it.”, Merlin said, directed at Lancelot. Lancelot blinked, his mouth agape. But their eye exchange sounded much different. Arthur was just unable to hear or see it. 

Were all his knights suddenly telepathic or what?

“Okay, I want answers NOW. What the fuck are you talking about?  
What destiny? Why are you talking about my death? And what idiot told you MERLIN plays a part in it? Is that what you're playing at? You want me to bring magic back to the land?  
Is that why you're planning to sacrifice yourself at the veil?  
That I'd revoke the laws?  
Time travel or not, you must all be mad!”

At the words time travel, something in Lancelot's confusion seemed to click.   
“No way.”, he gasped and looked between Merlin and Dragoon.... as though they were..... they were....

Arthur blinked. Dread. And then.... sudden realization.  
No. He shook his head. “Wait -”, he walked forward and glanced at Merlin once, before studying Dragoon's face.   
The same shade of blue in his eyes. The same cheekbones, the same expression. Just much more serious. 

“Merlin?”, he huffed out, his eyes wide, as he stumbled back again.   
His eyes flickered to the younger Merlin, whose eyes filled with fear and sudden horror. What? Had he expected Arthur to be completely oblivious? 

“Sometimes, Arthur Pendragon -”, Dragoon smiled lowly. “You are smarter than I give your credit for.”

“No. No this is impossible. Merlin is no sorcerer. Merlin is -   
I saw you weeks ago. You were old. This is not true. This can't be....   
You used an aging spell.”

Dragoon's grin widened at Arthur's stunned conclusion.   
No.... Merlin WAS a sorcerer?   
The man in question backed away. Slowly, his feet crunching the leafs beneath him as he tried to increase the distance between himself and Arthur.   
“Why would you do this.”, Merlin said, but he looked at Dragoon, not Arthur. 

Arthur swallowed. Merlin had lied to him for years. His relief from earlier felt heavy on his heart, all of a sudden. For all he had fought for over the years, he should kill Merlin right on the spot. But he felt frozen at the mere thought. 

Dragoon – no – Merlin – chuckled. “I have nothing left to loose.”

Merlin frowned in anger. “But I DO!”, he shouted in frustration. 

There was silence between them. But Dragoon did not look regretful.   
“If I were not here, you would lose Lancelot at the veil tonight.”, he said. Lancelot stifled where he stood and all heads turned to him. Lancelot looked guilty. Had he....   
Had he planned it?  
Arthur looked at him in horror. 

“Then Morgana will use necromancy to use him as a pawn to destroy Gwen's and Arthur's relationship.   
When that fails, it will cause Morgana to hate Gwen even more. She abducts her, manipulates her to kill Arthur by an old torturous ritual of the high priestesses of the old religion. At the rescue mission to get her back, Elyan lays his life.”  
Elyan stiffened in surprise, that he was mentioned. 

“Without Elyan as their voice of reason, the knights all roam around without being held back.   
Gwaine dies, shortly before Arthur does. And he dies thinking he failed Camelot for giving Morgana information against his own will.   
Even though Morgana is dead at this point as well, Percival leaves Camelot to help people in need. He only ever served Arthur. He dies protecting children at a druid camp that is raided by Morgana's last men.   
Gwen falls sick with grief. She rules Camelot for a while and then dies alone.   
Leon and I saw the horrors of the world. A world that is constantly at war. He takes his own life with a magical sword, which after that, fails to take my life too.

If you truly do not want to lose anyone, you have to risk everything now, Emrys. THIS is your chance.”

Silence fell upon the ruins. It did something to them all, when Dragoon called Merlin Emrys. And Emrys listened to it, like he was used to this name. Used to horrible prophecies as well.  
A strong wind waved through the ruins with a grave howl. 

The two Merlin's staring at each other. The knights whose deaths had just been pronounced, stared at the scene, fear written on their faces. 

The young Merlin quivered, before he fell to his knees, as though each word was a blow to his insides. Tears were welling up in his eyes and easily spilling.   
“I've.... I've already lost so much.”, Merlin whispered to Dragoon. Who gave him a pitiful look.   
“I know. It's nothing in comparison.”

“How old exactly are you? How long have you waited?”  
Dragoon fiddled with his thumbs, while Arthur still tried to process what the hell was going on.   
“I've lost count of the years. But I've stopped waiting a long time ago. I didn't dare believe in false hopes.”  
“What is the youngest you could be.”, Merlin added, swallowing at the grief in Dragoon's voice.  
“A few thousand years.”, the other Merlin replied with a barely noticeable shrug. 

The silence stretched again. Arthur's eyes widened. Yes, he knew that Dragoon was this old.   
But having it dawn on him that this was Merlin's future, made everything somehow ten thousand times worse. Made the image so much clearer. Because now Arthur could imagine precisely what and who Merlin would lose. The answer was short. ALL of them.

For a brief second, Arthur tried to move. But then his conscience reminded him that these men had just discussed how hard they were trying to protect Arthur and what it cost them both.   
They were on Camelot's side in all of this. Against Morgana. Arthur couldn't move still.  
Even if Arthur were to kill them, it wouldn't stick. Somehow he knew he couldn't do it. Not now, not ever. 

“Merlin, I have to warn you yet again. After I die at the veil -”, Arthur shuddered at Dragoon's, at MERLIN's words.   
“Arthur will be attacked by bandits who invade the castle during a feast in a couple months or years. To be honest I don't remember it much. You know how often he comes close to getting himself killed. 

If you cannot stop it from happening, Uther will get injured because of it. Uther may be the worst king Camelot has ever known, but in his final moments, he is at least a good father and Arthur is already in charge.

When you try to save him, beware of Morgana's pendant. It reverses the affects of your healing magic.   
Heed Agravaine, do NOT trust him. He works for her.   
And do not fight Mordred. Befriend him.”  
Merlin nodded, swallowing harshly at the advice.

Then, surprisingly, Dragoon turned back to Arthur. 

“Arthur, do not condemn his girlfriend to death. Mordred is a good man. Though she is nowhere close as good, she needs to live. If you kill her, Mordred will turn against you and that seals your fate.   
Accept the old religion. Turn the favor of the triple goddess on your side and you shall live.   
The test she puts you to is a fluke. Follow your heart, do not kill an innocent man.”

Then, he turned back to Merlin again.   
“At Ahkanar lies the last Dragon egg.”  
Suddenly Merlin's eyes widened, shocked by the sudden twist in advice. And Arthur, who was just trying to wrap his mind around the warning (because the name Mordred felt familiar somehow. But he couldn't pinpoint who it was), felt like a ton of bricks had just been thrown on his head. 

“In the vaults of Camelot lies a third of a triskelion. It cannot fall into the wrong hands.   
Leave the egg where it is, until Morgana is defeated.   
Or Aithusa will fall into her hands. She will forge a sword in the dragon's breath and create the weapon that kills your king.   
The egg can wait for at least four hundred more years. Keep it safe, Merlin.”

There was another pause, but Dragoon finally took a deep breath in relief. He had warned them of the most important mistakes he ever made. It felt like hundreds of years were taken off his shoulders.

“Why wait to destroy the egg?”

Both Merlin's stared at him. Both in a way that asked if Arthur had lost his mind.  
Then..... they had the audacity to ignore him... AGAIN.

“Hello? Can't you hear me? If there is a dragon, we ought to destroy it! You've seen what those horrible creatures can do! What they HAVE done! You can't be asking us to spare them!”, Arthur's impatience was growing.

Merlin and Dragoon turned back to him. Their eyes both serious and so... so sad.   
“Your father did a horrible crime killing them all.”, Dragoon said. And Merlin nodded without question.   
“It is the duty of every dragon lord to protect the dragons. They are not dangerous, if you don't try to slaughter them all.”, Merlin heaved out, clearly imagining Uther in front of his closed eyes.

Arthur opened his mouth, but found nothing in his limited pool of knowledge that would make him win this argument. Wait.... what did dragon lords have to do with this?

“There is one thing, I still don't understand. If YOU'RE here.... because time repeats itself, are there more of me roaming around the world?”, Merlin asked curiously.

“None I've met.... although I'm not entirely sure.   
I have a few theories on this.   
Question: Have you met the fisher king? Did he give you the tears of Avalon?”

Okay, now Arthur was completely lost. When had THAT happened?  
“The fisher king?”, Leon frowned. “Wasn't that the quest you were supposed to go on alone, Arthur?”  
“He was alive?”, Gwaine asked, dumbstruck at the mention of the king.   
“Gwaine too? Sire?”, Leon looked almost disappointed.   
“So that's why that elf called us courage, magic and strength. Makes sense now.”, Gwaine was living his own conversation. His posture relaxed and considered the ceiling, as though it had just revealed the answer to an old question to him.   
But this time, Arthur finally knew what someone of them was talking about. Yes... the elf suddenly did make sense, somehow. 

“Yes, I met him. Why?”, Merlin asked Dragoon, curious now. 

“Well... I always wondered how he had known about them.  
I had the theory, that maybe this repeat of time, might actually be more of a spirale. Like... everything repeats itself, but I will always have to wait for the once and future king to return.   
And my successor will be my death. Like with the eye of the phoenix.”, Dragoon explained.

Merlin's eyes widened, as he nodded. “You think, the fisher king might have been....”

“Me.”, Dragoon nodded. “The me before me that is. Kilgarrah once said, Ihave many names. Emrys and Merlin are but two of them. Maybe there were many more.  
But if you met the fisher king, my theory makes no sense.   
Maybe...” Dragoon tilted his head in thought. 

“Before Camlann, Morgana tried to seal me away in the crystal cave. She took my magic from me. Which... I can't really lose, because I AM magic.   
It's a long story. But what if, that's what happened to the previous Merlin's?  
Maybe they are all stuck in the crystal cave?”

“And the crystals each show how THEIR future unfolded?”, Merlin's eyes widened. 

“Maybe the cave has absorbed their magic into itself and created the crystals from that.   
It would make sense, wouldn't it?”

“It would.”, Merlin confirmed in distress. 

“Can you two stop this? Can one of you, please give me clear answers to my questions? Look, I'm not going to kill either of you. Not that I could, apparently. So please, just tell me what the hell is going on!”

Dragoon and Merlin shared another look. Merlin looked slightly surprised.  
“You should sit down.”, Merlin said. “This is a long story.”  
“No, Merlin. We don't have the time. And believe me, Arthur. I have been much clearer than any of the sorcerers who've been guiding ME! Not to mention the dragon. Oh my god.”, Dragoon rose to his feet instead in exasperation. “It is time.”

“Merlin, tell him everything, after the veil is closed. Change your destiny. Listen to your heart. Trust in Arthur. Or else it will be another regret you carry with you forever.”  
That message, was clear enough.

\-------------------------------------------------------

“WYVERNS!”, Gwaine shouted and Arthur and the knights too cover. Where the hell had those beasts come from?  
They were in another part of the ruins. Only meters parted them from the throne room in which the veil resided. 

Everyone took cover, uncoordinated at their current situation. Unsure whom to trust and what to think. Only together, because their goal was the same.   
Dragoon however, did not waste time and growled and shouted at the Wyverns.   
It sounded low and rumbling. A language which only Lancelot seemed to recognize for some reason, as he shot Merlin a strange look. 

Then.... Arthur let his sword sink in surprise. As did Gwaine, Leon, Percival and Elyan.  
The Wyverns.... backed away.  
They turned to Dragoon, who merely waved at them to follow him.   
Arthur shot a glance at Merlin.   
“Can you do that?”

Merlin looked at him, seriously considering something. Then he took a deep breath.   
“Why do you think I would want to protect that Dragon egg?”  
Arthur blinked. “huh?”, he asked dumbly, still oblivious and too scattered from all the revelations tonight.   
“I'm the last Dragon lord, Arthur. Balinor was my father.”

Then Merlin's face morphed into something like shame and irritation, before he looked away to follow Dragoon into the throne room. 

Arthur and the knights stared after them. Then sharing a look, before following after the two Merlin's. Arthur went last. His knees weak like not yet invented rubber.

\----------------------------------------------------

“You know the price to close the veil.”, the Cailleach eyed Emrys. She looked old.   
As old as Merlin himself did. Maybe even older.   
She wore a long dark cloak, which reminded him a lot of that dress he once wore as the Dolma. 

“You have finally come to challenge me, have you, Emrys?”

“I always wondered what you meant by that.”  
Merlin remembered her works from long ago. He had never understood why she thought he wanted to challenge her.   
Maybe it was this. Maybe.... giving immortal life, balanced out death? Maybe their mere existences challenged each other.   
Maybe, Merlin walking through the veil would unleash something else. What happens when life bleeds into death? Death into life?  
Where is the beginning, where the end? Is there anything at all? Do our stories ever end? Or do they always continue? Differently in each life? Who knows?

Honestly, Merlin felt a little too old to care.

The Cailleach nodded. She looked strangely pleased to see him.   
“I have waited many lifetimes for you, Emrys. You have been a thorn in the eyes of the disir for many more. And now here you are once again.”  
Whose lifetimes? Mine? Arthur's? All the lifetimes of all the people?

“I am.”

“You wish to die.”

“I do.”

“You have brought me many souls, Emrys.” 

Merlin nodded. He had. There was no point denying it.   
“More than I care to remember.”

There was another pause. “You must be relieved that it's finally at an end.”

“I will be.” For a second, Merlin wondered, if maybe she would refuse his sacrifice. After all, it was not the veil that demanded sacrifices. It was the Cailleach who did. 

The Cailleach shook her head. “You are right, brother.”  
Merlin frowned. But only slightly, as she lead him to the veil. His questions could wait.  
“Arthur.”, he turned around to see his friends stand in one line to see him goodbye. Not really HIS friends. But another go at them. Another chance. One that Merlin was not part of anymore. That – in this form – he had long outlived. It was still nice not to have to go all alone.

Arthur straightened and nodded at him. 

Merlin's eyes softened.   
“Thank you.”, he gave Arthur a meaningful look. And Arthur's eyes widened in surprise. The younger Merlin looked confused, but Arthur recognized those words.   
Dragoon smiled mischievously. Only once …. Arthur was allowed to know a little more about his own destiny. Just this once.

“Famous last words, eh?”, The Cailleach muttered right before Merlin turned around to look at the veil one last time. Merlin merely nodded.   
And stepped right through it. It vanished after him. The tear in the world was finally closed.  
Unseeing of the knights, the king and himself, watching with disbelieve how he disappeared. 

When Dragoon opened his eyes, he found himself in front of none other than Arthur Pendragon himself. Dressed in royal attire and crown. As old and mature as he had been in death. He was smiling upon him.... as though he had waited for Merlin.   
Dragoon turned around in surprise. For the fracture of a second, he had believed he had failed to close the veil. And it was still the young Arthur in front of him.   
But..... there was nothing here. No veil, no ruins, no Cailleach. No one else. Just Arthur. And light.  
A great contrast to the darkness of the veil and the dorocha. 

“Hello Merlin.”, Arthur said and pulled him into a hug as though this was their always.   
Merlin froze. This... he knew THIS was Arthur. This was HIS Arthur! He could feel it. Sense it.   
“Late as ever.”, Arthur shook his head fondly, without separating from Merlin more than a few inches. “It's good to see you.”

“I - hi.”, Merlin intelligently managed to say.   
“Hi.”, Arthur smiled at him.   
“Now come. Everyone is waiting for you.”, Arthur punched him in the arm. 

“Huh?”, Merlin asked, but was dragged forwards by Arthur's hand. With each step, Merlin felt himself grow lighter and lighter. He felt himself deage. His beard growing back somehow. Like all the years were thrown of his shoulders all at once. As though his burdens, his destiny lifted off of him. Leaving only purpose and devotion. Something Merlin hadn't thought was left inside him.   
Now he realized it had never left. It had just been buried underneath all the grief and the pain. 

“Now, don't be stupid, Merlin.”, Arthur rolled his eyes with a smile.   
“Who do you think?” Merlin had said 'huh', maybe Arthur misheard it as 'who?'  
Merlin opened his mouth, but out came only closed of sobs. When had he started crying?  
Softly, Arthur retreated a few steps from him. “Don't worry, Merlin. He haven't waited that long. Time is.... fleeting in a world without it.”

“You mean, you haven't waited at all.”, Merlin scolded him.   
“No.”, Arthur grinned. “Not at all.” But Arthur kept dragging him along.   
“Come on, until the veil is closed. Nothingness is.... better when everyone is there.”

Merlin tried to smile at the contradictions. But somehow... he understood what Arthur meant.   
He felt strangely full and empty at the same time. Strangely uncaring, and so utterly compassionate that it was hard to explain. It was... as though complete opposites were actually synonyms of the same meaning.   
As if meaning itself was meaningless. And meaning nothing at all, mattered more than anything else. 

Right.... what was death, if not the feeling of contradiction. 

Strangely, it sounded …. exactly like what Merlin had been craving all his life.   
Maybe it sounded even better than that.   
“Don't be such a girl, Merlin.”, Arthur rolled his eyes. “It's hardly the end of the world”.  
'No. It's the exact opposite.', Merlin wanted to say. More than cry. More than laugh. More than tears.  
Merlin looked at Arthur closely. There was so much he wanted to say to him. So many many things. So many. But he couldn't bring out a single thing. It didn't matter, because Arthur looked knowingly at him.

Arthur shot him an amused look. A look that was somehow fond and sorrowful at the same time.   
Full of love and devotion. And empathy and care.  
“I know, Merlin. I've watched you. Numerous times. Sometimes nothing... feels like it's too much to bear.”  
Then he took Merlin's hand in his and Merlin let him. “Come on. Morgana doesn't like it, when we let her wait.”

Merlin's eyes widened, but Arthur shook his head. “Everything is different now. Here. Where we've always never been.” Arthur laughed, as though he understood a joke no one else did.   
Merlin didn't either. But he nodded anyway.   
Merlin had never thought he'd ever felt this content again. There wasn't even anyone here but them. They hadn't even bantered. Arthur was just... here. HIS Arthur. HIS purpose.   
It was all he ever needed to be able to let go. 

And when the veil closed, they both ceased to exist.


	5. The aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO....... here we are. Back again. Did you think it was over yet?  
> Not this time :)

The knights and Arthur stood in front of the veil for a long time. The wind brushed up the dust around them. But it was quiet and the day was getting much brighter than before.   
The veil and the dorocha had brought nothing but darkness to the world.   
Now that they were gone, everything went back to normal.   
Except... it didn't. 

It couldn't, because everything was different now. A twisted sensation filled the atmosphere.   
Full of emotions.   
Arthur had never been talented in processing information he had not expected.   
He was a rather smart man, if he got all the resources he needed. Thanks to Merlin, he had also made many wise decisions. For himself and for the kingdom.   
Things he was proud of. 

Now his entire world was bleeding.   
The lies, the betrayal. Which …. hadn't really been betrayal at all. Merlin had suffered for him. Everything for Arthur. And it broke him that he had never recognized Merlin's loyalty and devotion for what it was. At least not enough.  
At the same time he wanted to be mad to be lied to. He wanted to leash out his anger.   
And he felt so, so ashamed that Merlin hadn't been able to trust him. 

Last but not least – there was also fear and oh so many questions.   
Merlin was powerful. That much was clear. What had he used it for? Why hadn't he used his magic to keep the dorocha away? Clearly he could. Dragoon could.   
Why risk his own life to save Arthur from a single one?  
If his entire goal had been to sacrifice himself for Arthur, did it matter in those last moments that he had magic?  
He could have forced Arthur to stay back and then die for him, if he was so keen on doing it anyway.

And, if Merlin's agenda was to create a world of magic – shouldn't he be Arthur's enemy? But it was supposed to be the GOLDEN age. An age of prosperity and peace.   
That would make Merlin his ally, right?

Arthur found himself try to wrap his mind around the fact that maybe... magic wasn't all that bad.   
Maybe... the magic users who used it for good weren't the exception. Maybe they were the norm. And the evil ones were the only one's he ever met, because his father had started a war on them all?  
But that meant, Arthur's father was the real enemy. The real threat.   
It would mean that Arthur's father had caused ALL this bloodshed. 

Once – a long time ago, when Morgause had challenged Arthur to a duel and Morgause won, she had shown him a vision of his mother. She had told him it had all been Uther's fault.   
That he had meddled with magic, and blamed all sorcerer's for it.   
Merlin himself had told him this was a ruse.   
Merlin himself had advised Arthur AGAINST magic. What reason could he have had for that?  
If Morgause had said the truth? Did she? It was impossible to tell now. 

And why would older Merlin give his own self the advice to save Uther's life? If the world was so much better with Arthur as king, why would he not want Uther dead? This was TWICE now that Arthur thought of a situation where Uther could have or would have died. And the world apparently would be better off for it!

Why would Merlin keep suffering under his reign and live in fear, if he could singlehandedly end it all??  
How could Arthur even expect Merlin to trust him, if he was the SON of such a threat? A son who was trying so hard to follow in Uther's footsteps too?

“So..... a dragon lord, huh?”  
Unsurprisingly, it was Gwaine who interrupted the silence. Merlin flinched at the comment, but Gwaine couldn't pretend to be mad at him for long. He cracked a smile. Then he pulled Merlin into a headlock and ruffled his hair, like all of this was more amusing than disturbing.   
“Knew you had it in you.”, Gwaine laughed.

It was strange. Magic users had been Arthur's enemies. And his enemies were Gwaine's enemies. So Gwaine as well had fought against all that was magic.   
But if Merlin WAS magic.... And Merlin was Arthur's friend – which he unmistakably must be after everything they had heard - …... then there was no doubt in Gwaine's opinion. There wasn't even a flaw in this logic either.   
Arthur wished desperately it could be just as easy for himself. 

“Why did you never tell me about the fisher king?” It was the first question Arthur found himself able to ask, and he knew it was the strangest thing he could have started with. But Arthur, Gwaine and Merlin had been on the quest to the perilous lands together.   
It made him wonder. Even if Merlin had magic and tried to hide THAT part. Why didn't he mention the fisher king? He could have told him they met at least.   
And that he helped him die. That that had been the real task for them.  
Or maybe.... It had been Arthur's quest to find the trident, but Merlin got the – what was it? - the tears of Avalon?   
Or was killing the king part of the quest? Had Merlin not told him, because he had finished the quest FOR him?  
Arthur should have known, getting the trident had seemed almost too easy.

Merlin didn't look up, even as Gwaine let go of him.   
“You told me to never mention the quest again.”, Merlin muttered. Arthur blinked. Stunned. 

“Seriously?”, Leon asked, incredulous at Arthur. “That's your first question?”  
Leon threw up his hands and waved both his hands at Merlin. “After EVERYTHING we just found out, THAT's your first question?”

“To be fair, we've both been oblivious. The elf kept saying: You need magic, strength and courage to absolve this quest. He called me strength for some reason.”, Gwaine pointed out.   
“He called me courage.”, Arthur admitted.   
“Yeah, to be honest, it's our own fault.”, Gwaine shrugged unbothered. 

“Merlin is a Dragon lord! There is a dragon egg LEFT in Ashkanar!”, Leon pointed out in utter disbelieve. 

“About that... when the great dragon attacked Camelot, did I really kill him? Or did you? I always felt like it had been too easy. Did you?”, Arthur asked, noticing that another adventure of theirs had ended... too simple. His throat felt strangely dry, because... now he realized he couldn't have killed the dragon. Of course not. Only a dragon lord could. Gaius had said as much.  
And Merlin know how to control wyverns and dragons. He WAS a dragon lord, after all. And if it was Merlin's duty to protect the dragon.... Killing him must have been a low blow. 

“The great Dragon is alive.”, Lancelot spoke up for Merlin.   
Arthur froze. Merlin shrunk into himself.   
“Merlin called him to scare of a few dorocha, when we headed back here.”, Lancelot elaborated. 

“Why would you…. he attacked Camelot! He killed dozens of people! Don't you CARE about that?”, Arthur felt like someone was gutting him alive. 

Merlin bit his lip so much, it started to bleed. “I had to promise to free him from the vaults, in exchange for information that would save your life.   
I tried to postpone it, but I had to, eventually. I didn't know he would attack. In hindsight, I should have. Uther killed his entire kind. Of course he wanted revenge.   
I didn't know I was a dragon lord or who my father was, until Gaius told me.   
I didn't have the powers of a dragon lord yet either. So I couldn't stop him. I knew I could convince Balinor to help us, because … well. He was my father.” Merlin shrugged helplessly.   
Arthur felt his insides crumble at the story. 

“The powers of dragon lords are inherited, much like titles are. After my father-”, Merlin made a pause. “After Balinor died, my powers awakened and I ordered Kilgharrah to leave Camelot alone forever. 

We are... We are kin, Arthur. I couldn't kill the last of my kind. Not if there was another way.”

Another round of silence.   
“Why did you need the dragon to wave of the dorocha? You -”, Arthur pointed at the veil that had disappeared minutes ago to imply Dragoon's powers. “- were able to wave them of.”

Merlin shuddered. “HIS magic is much stronger than my own. I can't hold of the dorocha at all. I tried. If I could have, I would have told you of my magic. The past couple of days I have been almost entirely powerless. There was NOTHING I could do. Absolutely nothing.”  
Merlin looked distraught by the memory. 

“You came with us, even though you knew you couldn't help us out?”, Arthur felt like he's just gotten hit in the head again. 

“It's my duty to protect you.”, Merlin said.   
“You came with us to die at the veil.”, Arthur stated. Merlin didn't answer. He did not deny it. He looked down instead.  
“And you -”, Arthur turned to Lancelot in shock.   
“YOU too!”

Lancelot flinched. “Well...”, he shrugged. “I swore to Gwen on my life that I would protect you. I couldn't let Merlin die, because I know how he's protected you for years. If I let him die, I would have broken my oath as much as I would have, if I let YOU pass the veil.”

Arthur's mouth opened slightly.   
Finally, Elyan cut in. “You knew.”, he told Lancelot.   
“Since when?”   
Arthur felt another stab in his gut. Merlin trusted Lancelot more than HIM? Lancelot knew and didn't inform or warn Arthur? Lancelot had sworn an oath of honor on the knights code! Honesty to their king and protecting Camelot were the law! Lancelot was one of Arthur's best men. He had expected more trust from him. It almost felt like another betrayal. 

Lancelot fumbled with his hands. “Since the Griffin.”

“Who?”, Percival, Elyan and Gwaine asked in unison. But Leon stood there frozen. Realizing as suddenly as Arthur did, that that had been many years ago. 

“You should have reported him.”, Arthur pointed out and winced as he saw Merlin flinch at the implication. 

“It was HIM who defeated the Griffin, Arthur. I wouldn't have let Uther kill an innocent man like that. I've never thought twice about that decision and I've never regretted it.”

Arthur closed his eyes. He wished, yet again, that things could be as easy for him as well. Why was it so much easier for everyone else?   
He shook his head. “I'm sorry. I need some time to think.”, he said and walked passed his knights and Merlin without sending them another look. 

He went back to the camp. It went without asking that they would spend the night there once again.   
Arthur had so many questions. But right now, it was too much. How many people were keeping secrets from him?  
How many people preferred it he was kept in the dark – making uninformed decisions?

According to Dragoon, there was at least one traitor left in Camelot. Arthur's own uncle. And Arthur's head was too full of the other revelations to have even a single idea how to deal with him. 

Merlin was shivering where he stood and hugged himself closely.   
“I'll... I'll go get some firewood.”, he said. “If any of you need help with the Wyverns, just call for me, I won't be far. I'll order them to lay low. Usually they have no choice but to obey to me, but just in case...”, and with that, he too, walked off. Not entirely the same direction as Arthur, but close enough. 

The knights watched after them for a sole minute.

Then Lancelot and Gwaine stared at each other.  
“So.... Merlin told you, but not me?”, Gwaine stemmed his hands into his waist. Making himself look a bit taller, like he had any right to judge Lancelot. 

“No. I'm just not blind.”, Lancelot rolled his eyes and slowly, he followed Arthur. After all... someone had to protect him, when Merlin wasn't there. And Lancelot had sworn an oath.  
Gwaine shook his head in amusement, only to follow after. He fell into a jog, to catch up with Merlin on the other side. 

Leon, Percy and Elyan shared a look.   
“So....”, Elyan rubbed his hands. “When were you going to tell us you're immortal?”, Elyan eyes Leon almost warily.   
Dragoon had made that very clear. Leon growing older than hundred years, killing himself with a magical sword...   
Yeah... that was not exactly a riddle. 

“THANK YOU for noticing!”, Leon threw up his hands again. “I didn't fucking KNOW that either!” Leon growled to himself in disbelieve, only to follow after Arthur as well. Just as moodily. 

“And you know who Emrys is?”, Elyan asked, directed at Percival. Who nodded seriously.   
I've heard the stories, when I grew up. There was a settlement of druids close to our village. They kept sharing their prophecies with those who cared. And I always love stories.   
Emrys is supposed to be the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth.   
He serves the once and future king. A man who will unite Albion.”

“And that man is Arthur?”, Elyan asked with a smile.   
“I'm pretty sure, we have no reason to doubt that, do we?”, Percival grinned and patted Elyan on the shoulder so strong that Elyan almost lost his balance.   
Then he walked after Percival towards the camp as well.   
“Not yet, at least.”, Elyan mumbled to himself. 

\----------------------------------------------

Arthur and the knights, minus Gwaine, sat down, where their fireplace had been. Now it was nothing but cold ash.   
The isle of the blessed was a humid, but cold place.   
Still, Arthur barely felt the cold. 

He stared into the ashed, undisturbed by the knights, who were only sharing a few looks with each other. Nobody talked. It was eerily quiet.   
It should have alarmed them, when they heard footsteps and a single voice prattling reassuring words to someone who didn't answer. 

But Arthur didn't even look up. He kept staring at the non existent fire, until Merlin knelt down beside it to built a small pyre.   
It was... disturbing to describe it as such.   
The knights watched him, while Gwaine had finally noticed the mood and huffed annoyed, before sitting down. Almost careless, he took what was left of the mead in his flask.   
For once, nobody commented on it.   
They could all need a drink, really. 

It was then that Merlin pulled out two stones and knocked them together to get but a few sparks. Sparks that would rekindle the fire.   
They all watched him incredulously.   
It was too cold, too humid. But Merlin kept trying. Yesterday, it had taken him half an hour to get their fire going.   
Right now, his actions were more than ridiculous. 

“Mate...”, Gwaine said quietly. Surprised and also worried.   
Elyan and Percival shared a look, Lancelot just shook his head and ignored him. 

“Why don't you use magic.”, Arthur didn't ask this. He didn't even look at Merlin, he just stared at the wood. His head hung up on the word 'pyre'.   
Merlin sat back on his knees. He tilted his head, as if in surprise.   
Then he shrugged. “Habit, I suppose.”, he said.  
He looked at the pyre in consideration. Then he took a breath. 

He didn't say a spell. He merely looked at the pyre with golden eyes and then... the fire came to live. Prickling with heat.   
Comforting them with warmth and light. 

Even Gwaine put his flask down, before he got a sip out.   
“You don't need spells?”, Percival asked. The only one present who knew the extend of how unusual this was.   
Arthur's eyes flickered to him, curious. But he didn't comment on it.   
“I-”, Merlin swallowed. “I never needed any.”, he admitted. Then he sat back and looked down. 

“Incredible.”, Percival said in awe. “How long have you been able to do this?”  
Merlin looked at him shortly, before averting his eyes back to the fire. “All my life. I was born with it.”

Another round of silence. 

“Why did you never tell me?”, the question was out before Arthur could stop himself.   
“You'd have chopped my head of.”  
The knights flinched. Arthur looked at him seriously.   
“I don't know what I'd have done.”

“I'll have you know, if you so much as lay a finger on -”  
“Gwaine, stop it.”, Lancelot put a hand on Gwaine's enraged shoulder. Effectively holding him back. 

Arthur pressed his lips together. He had always known Gwaine was only loyal to him because of Merlin. Merlin's magic was apparently not the only power he possessed.   
If he thought about it... Lancelot was only here because of him. Percival was only here because of Lancelot.   
Elyan and Leon were probably the only knights Arthur had gathered himself.   
And Elyan was more the work of Gwen's persuasion than Arthur's.   
Not to mention Leon. Whom he had more inherited from his father than actually convinced to be his knight.   
It occurred to Arthur right then and there... that his best friends weren't even HIS friends at all.   
He looked down again. 

“Well. I didn't want to put you in that position.”, Merlin tried to smile at him. Arthur stared at him. “That's what worried you?” 'That I would have to choose between killing my best friend or betray my father?', he didn't say it, but he knew Merlin understood. 

Merlin nodded slightly.   
“Were you ever going to tell me?”, Arthur asked instead. And it was strangely the same question as before, but also completely different.   
“I wanted to.”, Merlin admitted. And then, as if to prove his statement, he formed a dragon from the fire. An illusion made of sparks and flames. It was mesmerizing in a way.   
And Arthur felt like he had seen this before. Maybe the older Merlin had used the same method to tell HIS Arthur. Maybe it was a dejavu based on reincarnation.   
“You had planned this.”, Arthur realized.

“Since we fought together in Ealdor. Yes. (3) I... I was hoping I could change your view on magic first and then … not hide this part of me anymore.”, he grinned at the flame dragon. But then both of then disappeared. His smile... and the dragon. And it left the room somewhat colder. 

“But my other me said, that in the future, I'd fail to heal your father. That my magic was used as a pawn to kill him. I can only imagine what that would have done to you.   
I think... personally, I would probably have given up on my dream right then and there. I wonder, if I could ever see you in the eye again after something like that.”

Arthur looked at him, trying to find something in his eyes. But just as Merlin said, he wasn't able to look at Arthur. Merlin was ashamed of his lies, Arthur realized.   
Ashamed of things he hadn't even done yet. And he cared more about what Arthur felt than what he would have done to Uther. Was that why he protected Uther? Simply for Arthur's sake?

“You have the power to kill my father.”, Arthur said quietly. “You have the power to kill everyone in the castle, including myself. You wouldn't even have to do it yourself, you could just order the dragon to do it.”, he stated to make clear for everyone in the broken room what kind of person sat in front of them. How powerful he was.

The mood shifted again, as realization washed over his knights. Even Gwaine raised both his eyebrows in confusion, then realization and then acceptance, and finally, pride.   
Of course the drunkard would be more impressed than appalled.   
Only Lancelot looked down, as though he had known all of this for a long time. Which he must have. 

Merlin didn't say anything. He closed his eyes. Then nodded. 

Arthur gritted his teeth. He felt... bitter.   
“Say, Merlin. How does it feel to be the most powerful man in the existence of mankind? How does it feel to trick your friends into believing you're weak.   
People risk their lives every day and you have the power to save them all! How does it feel to abandon them all? ”  
Even as Arthur said this, he realized his bitterness was uncalled for. His anger made no sense, because while saying it, he could feel the pain of all those lies weighing on his own shoulders.   
How must it feel to watch your loved one's die, when you CAN save them all. But the law demands you don't?  
Arthur's bitterness turned into shame and regret, even before Merlin answered. 

“Lonely.”, he said. Tears sparkling in he firelight, as Merlin clenched his jaw.   
“It's lonely.”, he repeated himself and dared to look at Arthur with the most open and sincere expression Arthur had ever seen.   
“You of all people should know what it feels like to have the responsibility for the entire kingdom on your shoulders. You constantly remind me. It's fucking terrifying.”  
Merlin looked away again. And this time, he couldn't stop the tears. 

Arthur's own sight started to swim as well. But he forced himself to look away. 

The rest of the night, they sat in silence. 

\---------------------------------------------------------

The silence stayed, the entire three day travel back to Camelot.   
By the time the castle stood tall before them, Arthur had made up his mind. He had to do something about Merlin.   
He couldn't just have this stand unattended to. 

So, when they entered the great hall, Arthur was suddenly hit by the fact, that he still hadn't decided what to do about Agravaine.   
The man stood there, surprised to see him. After everything Agravaine knew – namely that Arthur had planned to sacrifice himself at the veil – this was not uncalled for.   
But now that Dragoon's accusation was roaming Arthur's mind, he imagined he could see a little disappointment and anger there. 

Arthur shook it off. He could take care of this later.   
After all, it was not Agravaine who would kill him in the future. It was.... implied … it was this Mordred guy who played a bigger part in Arthur's doom than his uncle. 

Right now, Arthur felt guilty for the other thing he had to do.   
Almost as soon as they entered the halls, they saw servants already trying to clean up the mess of letting the townspeople in for multiple days. After the dorocha had mysteriously disappeared, at least half of them had already been send back home by Agravaine.   
Who was... after all …. in charge of the castle, while Arthur was gone. 

Arthur send his knights (especially Gwaine) an apologetic look, before he called out to the next guards.   
“Guards. Seize him.”, he pointed at Merlin. Merlin who jumped in surprise and instant fear. 

“Merlin.”, Arthur spoke up and saw, how Gwaine was already grabbing his sword. Again, it was Lancelot who was holding him back.  
“You have broken the laws and used magic in Camelot. You are hereby charged with treason.”

The entire room, including the guards, froze at his loud voice. Eyes turned to them in shock at what Arthur just accused Merlin of.  
Merlin was starting to panic. And out of the corner of Arthur's eyes, he could see both Gaius and Gwen rushing forward to see what the commotion was all about.   
'Merlin-', he saw Gaius mouth. Gwen simply clapped her hands over her mouth. 

“There will be a trial in the morning. Guards, take him to the dungeons.”

“Arthur please, I can – I thought -”, Merlin seemed beyond confused. There was much left for him to explain. But Arthur knew he had just crushed Merlin's trust.   
Unable to ever be truly mad at Merlin, Arthur looked him deep in the eyes.   
“Trust me.”, he whispered, so only Merlin and Gwaine could hear it. Both paused.   
As Merlin nodded, he was grabbed fiercely by the guards. They were using force, as though they expected Merlin to attack them any time soon.   
“Guards.”, Arthur couldn't help but scold him.   
“If by tomorrow I find a single scratch on him, I will have your heads chopped off. Treat him kindly.”

With those mixed orders, the guards relaxed their grip on Merlin. Exchanging a confused glance with each other.   
Merlin looked just as confused, but managed to shrug them off.   
“I know the way.”, he mumbled and nodded at Arthur. Arthur nodded back and watched, as Merlin and the guards walked towards the direction of the dungeons. 

“Sire!”, Leon exclaimed in shock. “He's done nothing wrong! He's protected you!”  
And after him, the other knights chimed in. Trying to persuade Arthur against this action.   
But Arthur wasn't doing this rashly. He had thought it through. He knew exactly where he was going with this.   
“He still broke the law. He has to attend trial in the morning. I cannot ignore his actions.”  
And with that, he walked off. 

He send Gwen a single glance. And yeah... his heart clenched at the sight of Gwen's desperate frustration. Had they come back differently, he would have kissed her.   
But right now, all he could think of was Merlin, how he had saved her. Both as Dragoon, to take the blame for Merlin's action.   
And also for the other time, when Gwen had been accused of using magic to save her own father.   
One again, with a poultice. (Strange how that was a whole theme.)  
Arthur remembered Merlin bursting into the middle of a counsel meeting and confessing to having magic.

Arthur blinked. Merlin HAD told him. Right then, he had told them to save Gwen from the pyre. Right then and there, he was prepared to die. For all Arthur knew, Merlin was probably really the sorcerer who had saved Gwen's father from the sickness that had befallen Camelot then.   
And Arthur had been stupid enough to doubt him.   
It left Arthur unable to look Gwen in the eyes. 

Then he passed Agravaine. “Your majesty. You are back? What was that about? Merlin is a sorcerer?”  
Arthur nodded, squaring his back and already knowing what Agravaine was about to say next.   
“This is an outrage! A traitor! A sorcerer! Right here in Camelot! You are RIGHT to have seized him my lord.” And then, as if in a strange way to comfort Arthur, he added.   
“I know Merlin has been a trusted servant to you, my lord. This must be hard on you. But you cannot go soft on him.   
You have to judge him as you would any other. Your father would only approve of one sentence.”

“Death.”, Arthur nodded slowly. Wondering how he had never seen it. The twisted way Agravaine told him to hold a harsh hand over his friends and the kingdom. How he more or less manipulated him into killing his people. His friends. 

Agravaine nodded in relief. “Good then, my lord. I will have the pyre be build by tomorrow.”  
“No.”, Arthur said coldly.   
Agravaine blinked rapidly, before turning to Arthur in irritation. “My lord? Am I missing something?”  
“You weren't there. You don't know WHAT he's done. The trial is tomorrow. I will make my decision then.”  
That Arthur's decision was already made up in his mind was a minor detail that Agravaine did not need to know.

That evening, Agravaine rode out to meet with Morgana. And for once, Arthur saw him leave the castle gates, because he had feared as much.   
He sighed. After Merlin's trial, he would have Agravaine arrested, for aiding Morgana.   
There was no doubt about it.   
After all, Arthur trusted Merlin more than he had ever trusted Agravaine. Or anyone else in that matter. That at least – Arthur felt in his bleeding heart – had never changed. And he doubted, it ever could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (3) While rewatching Merlin, I noticed this did happen. In the battle of Ealdor, when Merlin was contemplating of telling Arthur of his magic, he made that dragon in the flames. The CGI isn't as good as in season 5. But in hindsight, it may as well show how much more Merlin has learned about his magic, about dragons etc. It also implies that he practiced it. Merlin did plan to tell Arthur. And I would imagine he played it out in his head multiple times.


	6. Preparation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So......   
> I feel like we still need a confrontation between Arthur and Gwen.   
> But that's later.   
> Please keep in mind, Gwen is tending to Uther at the moment. That's why it's easy for Arthur to avoid her.   
> It will happen, but that still takes time.

“My lord!”, Gaius came rushing in to Arthur's chambers. Followed closely by Lancelot. Who – surprisingly – had yet to make a comment. (4) And, naturally, a very sour looking Gwaine, who had mysteriously stopped complaining. He was eyeing Lancelot though, as though the man had managed to shut him up.   
One of these days Arthur would ask Lance how he did it. Being so... perfect. It was infuriating.

Now, it was not unusual that Gaius came bursting through doors. The man was surprisingly fast for his age. He made rather large steps that were hard to keep up with.   
And when he had an opinion, he never hesitated to voice it out loud.   
Surely, usually he disguised his opinion, so that Uther didn't have reason to charge him with treason. But that was a perfected method of his that Arthur had long dismantled.   
It did work on him sometimes, but only when Arthur believed his reasons to be genuine.   
Which they most often were. 

He had only ever regretted not listening to him sooner, so... Anyway. 

“You CANNOT execute Merlin! He has been NOTHING BUT a loyal servant and friend to you! Merlin would NEVER use magic against you. Not if he was in his right mind -”

Arthur almost winced. The way Gaius said this disguised whether or not he knew of Merlin's magic. It was very clear to Arthur that Gaius knew. That he was still trying to somewhat hide it just proved how much he cared about his ward.   
And how little he knew. 

“I have seen Merlin use magic. He has confessed. Magic is against the law. I had no choice but to have him arrested.”

That shut Gaius up completely. He halted in the middle of the room, giving the two knights behind him time to catch up.   
Arthur sighed, but didn't even look up from his desk. Papers of all sorts were draped over the table. Three candles illuminated the parchments and his ink and feather were in constant use. 

“See? THIS is why I don't like royals. They are all pompous, ignorant -”, Gwaine started, but Arthur wasn't listening. 

Lancelot eyed first Arthur, then the parchments.   
“Sire, may I ask what you're planning?”  
Lancelot knew. Of course he knew. He always knew.   
He knew of Merlin's magic, because he was so annoyingly brilliant and smart and not as oblivious as everyone else in the entire castle, Arthur himself included.  
It was stupid to ever think Lancelot had chosen Merlin's side. Because there was no side to pick. Merlin's side was Arthur's side. Arthur had always known that.   
And despite being mad, Arthur couldn't find it in himself to doubt that.  
“I think you already know.”, Arthur mumbled and sighed again, before finally straightening his hurting spine. He had leaned over the table for too long. Arthur had never been one to sit down for an extended period of time.   
He was a moving character. Standing upright almost all the time.   
Right now, he was hoping to see the full picture from above the pages from all angles. It was not easy. His first draft on -

“You're going to repeal the ban on magic.”, Lancelot nodded. 

Gwaine and Gaius turned to Lancelot in shock, before both swirling their heads towards Arthur in matching disbelieve. Their reaction was perfectly mirrored. 

“Sire?”, Gaius asked in shock. 

“The princess wouldn't -”, Gwaine tried to argue with Lancelot, but the knight shook his head. 

“If you payed attention, Gwaine -”, he said, not unkindly, “you would have noticed that none of us are in prison right now.”, he pointed at all three of them. “Neither you, Gaius nor I have been arrested for aiding, hiding or supporting a sorcerer.   
It's just as illegal as using magic itself and the price for it is just as high, according to the law.”

Gaius blinked, then he shared a look with Gwaine. Gwaine's mouth was open, his finger raised, but he slowly closed it, unsure what to think or say. Lancelot had a valid point.   
One even Arthur hadn't thought about himself. He just... hadn't seen a reason to arrest them. Now that he did, he wondered if he should. But decided against it almost immediately. Maybe he had made that decision unconsciously before. 

“Lancelot is right.”, Arthur walked around the table and stood up straight and proud before them. “I am revoking the laws on magic. Right after that, I will assume the throne and become king.” His voice echoed in the small room. His voice carried weight and meaning as he said it.   
As he made the decision. 

It was as if destiny had heard Arthur's words. Behind him, the low sun brightened and illuminated Arthur's outlines. His blond hair glowing golden like a magical crown on his head.  
That had all three of his guests shift in their places.   
Arthur had always been reluctant to assume the throne. He had made himself prince regent, hoping his father would recover from his broken heart over Morgana's betrayal.   
But Arthur had heard enough over the last few days. His father on the throne was a burden Camelot could no longer bear.   
Arthur's time was now. As difficult as that felt.

“My lord, as much as I support that decision. But magic has been outlawed for many reasons! You have to convince the entire counsel! You'll have to prove to your people that magic can be good!   
People will think you've been bewitched, if you suddenly change the laws! They won't accept this so easily!”

“Exactly.”, Arthur nodded. “That's why we need the trial.   
Gaius, I need the entire story. I need the counsel, and my people to know everything Merlin has ever done in Camelot.   
Why. And what for. I need you -”, he looked at Lancelot, “And you-”, he turned to Gwaine, “and you to vouch for him.   
I need the three of you to confirm his story. Percival, Leon and Elyan as well. Everyone who knows Merlin, especially those who know of his magic, who witnessed it, need to attend.   
Call the druids, call his mother, if need be. The trial will be held on our grounds. 

I need both the good sides and the bad sides. The full truth and nothing less. It will be good enough reason to repeal the ban on magic and take my father of the throne, without having him killed.   
And without giving him the chance to challenge my decision.”

Again, heavy silence filled the room.   
Gwaine relaxed in his stance. His hand, which had been fumbling with the hilt of his sword the entire time he had been here, fell loose to his side.   
Gaius stared at Arthur with a mix of awe and admiration. While Lancelot just nodded with a knowing smile. He looked proud of Arthur.   
Somehow, it reminded him of Gwen. Gwen looked at him with the same expression, whenever she thought he had made a good decision.   
Gwen... right.   
Lancelot would have died for Arthur, for her. Arthur wondered, if he could have done the same.   
Could he have died for a man, the person you loved was in love with?  
He wondered, for a brief moment, why Gwen had chosen him over Lance.   
Lance was everything the knights code stood for. He was brave, he was kind, he had a good heart and a brilliant mind.   
Arthur, too, was all of those things (most of the time). But less so, he feared. Everything Gwen loved about Arthur, was so much stronger in Lance.   
What had Dragoon said again?  
Morgana would resurrect Lance (had he died) and use him as a pawn to destroy Arthur's relationship with Gwen. 

Didn't that imply that Gwen still had feelings for him? Strong enough to go behind Arthur's back?  
He couldn't hold that against Lancelot, because clearly the man would have been enchanted. But Gwen? (5)  
He shook his head at his own thoughts. There was no time to dwell on such things. 

“What are you waiting for? Go!”, Arthur waved with his hands, urgently.   
“Gaius, not you. You can stay and help me figure out some of the new laws.”  
Gwaine paused in his motion, but Lance and Gwaine left the room, almost chipper and excited for tomorrow. 

\---------------------------------------------------------

Morgana's hut wasn't too far from Camelot. It merely took a few hours with the horse to find it. And if you knew the way, like Agravaine, it may take even less than that. 

Morgana was always alone in her hut.   
Her nightmares had increased, since she had killed Morgause. Sacrificed her at the veil.   
The warning of the Cailleach still haunted her.   
“The one they call Emrys will be your doom.”, she had said.   
Morgana had been terrified in Camelot before. Now that feeling of all crushing fear was back. 

She had dreamed of a vision. Herself reaching out an old hand to an old man, who stood in front of her, shouting “Was this what you wanted, Morgana?”  
He looked familiar. He was the old man who had stopped her last plan to get Gwen killed.   
In the vision, hundreds of corpses, all Camelot soldiers, so it seemed, plastered a battlefield. 

A golden sword sticking out of a strangely familiar feeling body. 

Morgana knew the old was Emrys. She just knew. And she was terrified. (6)

And the age thing on her hand wasn't reassuring, because Morgana knew how to use an aging spell. 

When Agravaine appeared in her hut, she almost flinched. But as she recognized her one ally, her personal spy, she slipped on the mask, she always put on for her pawns. However loose her mask sat nowadays.  
“Agravaine. Arthur lives, does he not?”, the fear made it through anyway. Her hair was wild on her head, making her look even more insane. Next to her pale face and the shadows under her eyes.

“My lady.”, Agravaine began, sounding troubled.   
Morgana didn't even look his way. She was laying in her bed, curled up in a fetal position. So much for wearing a mask. 

“How did you know?”

“I can feel it.”, Morgana said, her eyes staring ahead, without actually seeing anything. 

“He had help. From a sorcerer, my lady.”  
“Was it Emrys?”, she asked, despite knowing that Agravaine couldn't know who on earth that was. 

“According to Percival. Yes. I asked him what happened at the veil. And he sat a man name Dragoon died for Camelot.”  
Morgana's pulse quickened in fear. And then, it suddenly settled. “What did you say?”, she asked, turning around in confusion.   
“Emrys. The sorcerer. He took Arthur's place and died at the veil for him.”

Morgana hiccuped a laugh. “What?” This couldn't be. This was ridiculous.   
“No. No that can't be. It is too easy.”, she mumbled to herself, while Agravaine sat down beside her.   
“The woman at the veil said Emrys was my doom. He can't just have died. It's too easy.”

“Morgana. He is dead. The knights have confirmed it. And I have more good News.”

Morgana turned around with another frown. “More good News?”  
“Merlin. The servant.”, Agravaine staggered on his sentences, as he always did. The tone of his voice was always calculated. Always served a purpose. The small pauses were devices to remind Morgana of the impact the servant had on her life. 

“Arthur has imprisoned him for using magic. Tomorrow morning he will hold a trial.”

“Merlin?”, Morgana voiced in disbelieve. “Merlin has no magic. He doesn't know the slightest thing about it. Are you sure?”

“I am positive, my lady. If all goes well, Merlin will be executed tomorrow noon.”

“Noon?”, Morgana's voice was curiously mistrusting. “Why not in the morning?”

“Arthur has said, he wants to make a decision after the trial. But I can assure you, I will persuade him to have Merlin executed. I will make sure of it.”

“I appreciate you effort, but I don't think Arthur would do that.”, she stared ahead again. “He is strangely fond of the boy.”, she muttered.   
“Do you suggest, Arthur would change the laws for him?”

Morgana snapped around. “Arthur hates magic. He is just like his father. He wouldn't change the laws and if his own life depended on it. He won't change for a servant.” Her rage flared up once more.

Agravaine looked at her with an appalling mix of infatuation, wonder and empathy.   
“Then, what will he do?”, he asked. Because Morgana always seemed to know the answer. 

This time, however, Morgana's lips were trembling in thought. “I -”, she whispered to herself, realizing that she had no clue.   
“I don't know.”

“Then what do we do?”, Agravaine asked again and ran a hand through her thick hair (7).   
“If Merlin has magic, then he has lived under the same fears that I have.”, Morgana swallowed frantically.   
“You must convince him to fight for us. He knows the castle in and out. He knows Arthur's plans and his mind. We can aid him in killing Arthur? No he would never...   
I could enchant him. No, to do that, I'd have to go to Camelot myself. That is impossible. We could kill him in his cell... no. He'd be no use to us then.   
What do we do?”, her voice was fading out. She saw nothing but contradictions in her plans.   
It was too late to abduct Merlin. It made no sense to make him turn against Arthur to break Arthur's heart, because apparently that had already happened.   
“We should wait.”, she finally said. “Let's wait what Arthur's decision is.”

“Of course, my lady.”, Agravaine nodded. It wasn't soon after that he left for Camelot again. Morgana lying awake and alone in her room. Staring at the ceiling and feeling nothing but fear and confusion. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Agravaine came back to Camelot a few hours before the trial. Naturally, he made a stop at the dungeons. Where Merlin sat in a cell.   
He sat on the floor, hey and straw used as a pillow under him.   
He was wide a wake. His knees close to his chest and his arms around them. He was looking out the single window far above him to look at the court yard. 

The guards in front of the doors were talking in whispers, but straightened as Agravaine approached them.   
“Let me see the prisoner.”

“Prince Arthur has instructed that Merlin should see no visitors until the morning.”, one of the guards said. 

“Well, yes of course.”, Agravaine nodded. “Surely this order doesn't count for the royal advisor?”

“Actually. Prince Arthur has named you, especially.”, the guard said, intimidated by Agravaine's status.   
“He has?”, Agravaine asked. 

“Yes. He said, you're the last person we should let him talk to.”, he made a pause, while Agravaine raised his eyebrows in shock.   
“The prince said, he doesn't want Merlin to manipulate anyone. Especially you, since your are his personal advisor. If he were to enchant you, this could influence the trial in Merlin's favor.”, the second guard added as an explanation. 

Agravaine relaxed. “Of course. That is.... very smart of his majesty.”, he bowed slightly.   
“Then, are you sure he is secured in his cell? We don't want the prisoner to escape, do we?”, Agravaine asked and the guards looked at each other. 

“The doors are closed and locked, yes.”, they said.   
“He hasn't tried to escape either. He hasn't talked to anyone since he got here.”, the first one replied.   
“So, he won't be able to escape?”

“By all means, Sire. I don't think a lock could stop him.”

Agravaine raised an eyebrow. “Of course they can. These are the dungeons! The most secured area in Camelot! No one can escape!”

“My lord, Merlin has friends in all of Camelot. We have asked around. There are... many who would lay down their life for him. Even now.   
We've had at least half a dozen people trying to overthrow us guards and give Merlin the keys to help him escape.   
One of them managed to open the door and knock half of us out with a sleeping draught.”

Agravaine frowned. Maybe the “most secure area in Camelot “ wasn't as secure as they all believed.

“The door was wide open, when we woke up again and the servant was still trying to argue with Merlin. He never left the cell. Instead, he closed and locked it again with magic. It was... terrifying, my lord. He just... waved his hand. That was all it took.”  
The first guard shuddered. “There is no doubt that he does have magic, my lord. There is no doubt that he could open the cells by himself, if he wanted to. What I don't understand is, is why he's still here.”

They nodded seriously.  
Agravaine blinked with irritation. 

“He's been very kind though. He's healed our wounds, after a knight tried to set him free. We are only guards, Sire. The knights are much stronger than we are.   
Merlin convinced him to leave and then helped us. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I can only hope, Merlin will live.”, the first guard nodded again.   
The second one mirrored his gesture. “In fact, I don't think anyone would be mad at us, if we sided with Merlin during the trial tomorrow.”

“Sided?”, Agravaine was confused. “You don't hope that you will be allowed to speak in front of the court, do you?”

The guards looked at each other warily.   
“The king has ordered everyone who has witnessed Merlin use magic to speak tomorrow. He said, no harm will come to witnesses who tried protecting Camelot by hiding his secrets for him.”

Agravaine blinked. “What is the king planning?”, he asked, more to himself then the guards.   
“We don't know. But we hope it will be good. No pyre has been build yet.  
We have high hopes for Merlin. For Camelot. In the future king.”, they smiled widely. 

\-----------------------------------------------

“I'm afraid to inform you, Sire, that Merlin has bewitched the guards.”

Arthur was standing at the window. He hadn't slept all night. Yet, he was not surprised to see Agravaine come to him.   
“Good morning, uncle.”, Arthur acknowledged him, but didn't turn around. He had watched Agravaine leave and he had watched him return. 

The betrayal cut him deeply. But not as deeply as it would have, had he suddenly been overwhelmed with the knowledge.   
For now it was best to play along. 

“Good morning, Sire.”, Agravaine paced in the room, as he always did at important matters. His cape was fluttering behind him, his steps echoed loudly in the room.  
“The betrayal is a heavy one, Sire. This man is dangerous. The guards told me you plan on hearing him out? This could proof to be fatal! If he convinced the court that magic is good, if he manipulates them...”

“If Merlin can convince the court that magic can be used for good, doesn't that mean there IS good in magic?”, Finally Arthur turned around to face a gobsmacked Agravaine.   
“My lord. You cannot believe that. All your father has worked for -”

“I did not say anything, uncle. But YOU talk, as though the court could be easily swayed by the words of a mere sorcerer.”(8)

“Arthur, you know that is not what I mean.”

“Really.”, Arthur narrowed his eyes. And for the first time it occurred to Agravaine that Arthur was being.... hostile towards him.  
“Sire... had Merlin bewitched you as well?”

Arthur sighed. “Agravaine, if that were the case, I'm certain Merlin would not be sitting in the dungeons of Camelot. My father wouldn't still be alive and at least half my guards would have been knocked by now. Also, you know how incompetent Merlin is.   
He can't even find his own backside half the time. Let alone overthrow Camelot. He's not that smart.”

“Merlin has magic, Sire. And as the guards have informed me, he would be able to open the locks of the cells at any given time! Not to mention all the allies he has with the knights and the servants.   
No one can be trusted.”

“Sometimes, I wonder about you uncle. Is mistrust all we have left in Camelot? Can't we, for once, try to trust in our people? Can't we, for once, listen what they have to say?  
If so many people are on Merlin's side, then why do you think, is that?”

“They want to overthrow you, my lord?”

“Why?”, Arthur stepped forward, more demanding than anything. He nodded to himself, before letting his arms flap uselessly.   
He eyed Agravaine. A challenge in his eyes. “Tell me why.”

Agravaine halted a moment. “My lord, you know what magic does to people.”

“No, I don't. CLEARLY I have no idea. Morgana turned against Camelot, because she was afraid of my father. My people plan revenge all the time. They fight against Camelot, because they feel threatened by the laws. They are persecuted and hunted.   
Merlin -”, Arthur breathed in, but didn't finish the sentence. 

“Maybe, magic isn't at all that bad. Maybe, my father was wrong.”

Agravaine had nothing left to reply. He stared at Arthur like he had been hit by a truck that drove through time, just to run him over fifteen hundred years in the past. By the laws of this story, that wasn't even impossible.   
I feel tempted to make it canon. (9)

“Sire, your love for your servant is blinding you.”, Agravaine searched for something in Arthur's eyes. But the prince in question blinked multiple times.   
Taken aback, he turned around. There it was again.   
'You love him.' Dragoon had said so as well. It was strange, what effect that simple sentence had on Arthur.   
Yes, he loved Merlin. He was more than a servant. Sometimes even more than a friend. Right now, it was scary to think what extends his love for him could do.   
Right now, it was shaking the laws of this kingdoms. Arthur's resolve against magic. Everything he ever believed.

“Leave me.”, Arthur finally said, even as the sun was setting. 

Agravaine bowed slightly. The order in Arthur's voice leaving no room for discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (4) Thank you GhostN27 for pointing that out :) I almost forgot what I wanted Lancelot to do.   
> (5) Gwen was enchanted too. But only Morgana and Agravaine knew that.   
>  Even Merlin was at a loss for it. That's why Dragoon himself was unaware as well. Just wanted  
> to point that out.  
> (6) I would like to point out that this vision never came to pass.   
> (7) Do you ever write something that can actually be so revolting?  
> (8) Not to be weird or anything, but the mere second I wrote “sorcerer” I got my package with Merlin stuff in it. I am SO excited to start the Arthur chronikles by Toby Neigbous and the fall or Arthur by JRR Tolkien. I'm starting to think I'm obsessed..... lmao.   
> \- genuinely, me, who so far, has written over 530 000 words based on BBC Merlin alone.... in one year  
> (9) Not to break the 4th wall again but............ that image is priceless.


	7. The trial

Arthur was nervous. He was still standing in his room, looking out the window. A servant had brought him breakfast an hour ago, but he hadn't even touched it.   
He was wearing a loose white shirt and black pants. He should get dressed soon.   
But he knew Merlin wasn't coming to dress him in his usual formal attire. He dreaded the moment another servant would step up and tell him what to wear.   
Somehow, they never managed to get Arthur's tastes right.   
To be fair, his taste was getting insulted while being dressed, just to have a reason to knock Merlin on the head with a goblet. 

A soft knock interrupted his silence, while he watched hundreds of people gathering in the court yard.   
Strange. The last time a trial had been held publicly was on the 20th anniversary of the purge his father had started.   
Executions were public almost all the time.   
But the trial itself.... rare thing that one.  
Ironically, it had been the day Arthur had first met Merlin. 

'The day he arrived in Camelot, he saw an execution.', Arthur's head explained to him. By this point, the realization hardly hit him anymore. It was like hitting another stone on a bombarded ship that was already sinking.   
'A day later, he saved my life.', his mind unhelpfully added and he closed his eyes at the clenching feeling in his heart.   
The memory of how Merlin became his manservant had always been a treasured one for Arthur. Because it showed how incredibly kind Merlin was. It wasn't loyalty. Not really. Merlin had neither known nor cared about Arthur's status back then.   
In fact, he had shown a form of hostility that was the prelude to their later bantering dynamic.   
Now all Arthur could wonder was, if it had been real. Had Merlin saved his life, because that's just who Merlin was? Or had he been told to do that?

“Arthur. We need to talk.”, Gwen's gentle steps went almost unnoticed in Arthur's loud steps.   
When he turned around to face her, she looked angry and frustrated. Her hands were balled to fists and her mouth was trembling slightly.   
Arthur had honestly expected her earlier. But Gwen rarely came unprepared. She always knew exactly what she wanted to say, wherever she went. 

“I'm listening.”, Arthur nodded at her to continue.   
God, she was beautiful.   
She had such wonderful brown eyes, her hair always looked like it needed two servants to make the locks shine like that and her dark skin radiated almost golden in the early morning sun. It was the kind of gold you would search for in a treasure hunt. The most rare and expensive kind.   
Gwen's presence alone felt like it was worth a kingdom and she never failed to make Arthur smile. 

Maybe 'never' was the wrong word. Arthur wasn't smiling right now. 

“I've talked to Lancelot and he told me about the trial. He told me that Merlin used magic?”  
She looked desperate and confused. Like she hardly believed it. Her eyes searching for something, a hint of sorts, in Arthur's eyes.   
Of course she had talked to Lancelot. But it was also so Gwen, that she wanted Arthur's confirmation first. 

Arthur merely nodded. 

“Arthur -”, she heaved. “Merlin is your friend. I am SURE he had good reasons! Percival even said he closed the veil! He's always been loyal to you. How can you do this to him? He TRUSTS you, Arthur!”, she stepped closer and grabbed him by the shoulders, as if that could make him see sense. 

“You make it sound, like I'm betraying him, not the other way around.”, Arthur commented coldly. Not because he believed it to be true. No... his mind and heart were still arguing about that.   
But he wanted Gwen's advise so badly. Was he doing the right thing?  
Was he right to trust Merlin? After everything?

Gwen had always been a good influence on him. She always knew what he was thinking. She knew who Arthur was at heart and which decisions would be good for him, his conscience AND the kingdom. 

She'd make a wonderful queen.   
God, Arthur wanted her to be queen. And then he thought of Lancelot, and that made his heart bleed again.

“Arthur, Merlin LOVES you. He would never betray you!”

Arthur stared at her. Her too? Love. People needed to stop mentioning Merlin to him in a context of love. Lately that was all it took to make him stumble over his own mind.  
“I'm not condemning Merlin to death, Guinevere. We're going to get his entire story and use that to repeal the ban on magic. I'm not doing this TO him. I'm doing this FOR him.”  
Gwen looked at him, stunned. 

Her desperation suddenly cleared. “Oh Arthur.”, she smiled widely. She was proud of him. So Arthur was doing the right thing. Thank god.   
That smile made Arthur melt so often and that often forced him to conceal his emotions. 

Gwen had been Merlin's first friend in Camelot, Arthur finally remembered.   
He remembered that Merlin used to run around with flowers that he must have received from her.   
Gwen didn't even realize it, but she always picked those purple flowers. It was a trade mark of hers.   
It suddenly dawned on Arthur that Gwen must have had a crush on Merlin then.   
Holy -

The only reason why Arthur had ever talked to her was, because Merlin had persuaded her to let Arthur stay in her hut. During that tournament, where Arthur had so desperately tried to proof himself to his people.   
But in the end, chose to take her advice and didn't boast about it.   
….

Never boast about his achievements... that was Merlin, really, wasn't it? 

It was also Merlin, whom Arthur first admitted his feelings to Guinevere to. It was Merlin who convinced him to follow his heart.   
It was Merlin who convinced him not to marry for convenience. 

Those were things he did without magic. It was always Merlin, wasn't it? 

Arthur let himself be hugged by Gwen. But he didn't kiss her, when she excused herself to leave to tend to Arthur's broken father. It felt.... wrong somehow.  
Both that she cared for Uther, whom she must hate after he killed her father and …. to think of kissing her now.   
It didn't even calm him as much as it usually did, when she gave him a last smile, before she left the room. 

Somehow, Arthur's heart felt even heavier than before. 

\-----------------------------------------------

The court yard was full of people, when Arthur finally stepped up to welcome them.   
Even if it can hardly be called a welcome. 

Down the aisle of people, Merlin was walking in shackles. The guards weren't even forcing him to walk forwards. He went on his own accord and the guards seemed oddly protective of him. The way they shielded him from the few rotten fruit that some townspeople were throwing.   
Not everyone believed in Merlin's innocence, because not everyone had met him yet. 

The thing most people had heard was, that Merlin used magic. And that made him automatically a traitor. There were a few people who didn't lift a hand to throw rotten fruit at the man. But they glared at those who did.

It was clear, pretty early on, that Merlin was not a typical traitor. This trial was not typical.  
And Arthur realized that this was also not the first time Merlin had been lead to a trial at all.   
Merlin had been Dragoon before. He had walked to the pyre before.   
The thing he must have feared the most and he did it for Gwen anyway.   
Arthur tried to steel his heart, as Merlin finally stood before him and knelt down. His head low, as if waiting for an axe to part him of his head. 

The guards flanked him, but respectfully stepped away.   
It was then, that the throwing of food stopped. Because the sorcerer wasn't running away. He was looking up to Arthur, like a soldier, waiting for his judgment. And Arthur wasn't throwing him hateful glances. 

When Arthur rose his voice, he did his best not to waver. 

“Citizens of Camelot.   
We have gathered here today, to judge upon this sorcerer.”

Murmuring was heard among the people. 

“This man. Merlin. Used to be my personal manservant. And he has been witnessed to be using magic by not only me, but several of my knights.”

You could hear booing among the people. But also confusion, because... where was the pyre? If Arthur had seen it himself, why was there no execution planned already? And why was the sorcerer not doing anything but closing his eyes, bracing himself instead of shouting at Arthur what a bad king he was? Like all other sorcerer's before him had done at Uther?

“However.”, Arthur silenced them with a wave of his hand. “This man is not a normal sorcerer. This man is Emrys.”

An old woman in the crowd staggered, and almost fell, if a man beside her wasn't holding her upright.   
But most people just seemed confused. Not everyone knew who Emrys was. Those who did, now started a chain of whispers. Causing people to mutter and murmur.   
This time, it was Agravaine who silenced them with something akin to a bark.   
Arthur wasn't listening what he was saying. 

He only saw Merlin look up to him with wide eyes. Merlin still didn't know what Arthur was planning. Still, he was here. Waiting. Trusting. Because Arthur had asked him to.   
Strangely, this gave Arthur the reassurance to keep going.

“By the laws of Camelot, Merlin Emrys, you would be condemned to the pyre for your actions.”  
Merlin looked down again, and finally they could hear cheering and agreement among the crowd. 

“But -”, Arthur spoke over the noise and therefore silenced his people for good this time.   
“You have been the most loyal and kind servant I have ever had.”

The silence stretched over the crown. Just as confusion did. And suddenly the Emrys comment wasn't the strangest thing Arthur had said all day. 

“It cannot go unnoticed, that you have been my servant for several years, had access to my chambers and the keys to almost every sealed room in Camelot.  
You have seen me in my most vulnerable moments, when I'm asleep, that any man, especially a sorcerer as yourself could have used to kill me, and yet, you've never tried to harm me once.

You have endured punishments for insolence, but not lawbreaking behavior. You have endured insults, accusations of using magic even, and many many other things. And you've never acted on revenge.  
You had every chance, to poison me and my father, as you were often tasked with serving us food and as the court physician's ward, you had access to all kinds of poison. You had every chance and opportunity, to kill us in our sleep, or to at least harm us in small ways. 

I cannot ignore, that you have drunken poison for me on multiple occasions. You have saved me from knifes that have been thrown at me. You rode out with me on every single quest. Unarmed, inexperienced and useless with a sword.   
You have warned me of magical dangers for years and never once been wrong about it.   
And given the chance that a sorcerer has convinced my own self, to turn against the crown, you stopped me from killing my own father. The man who hunts your kind.

The one time, I remember you actually gave me poison to drink. But it was in cooperation with the court physician, to make my father cry tears of true sorrow, to break an enchantment.   
You were the one tasked to keep me alive and you did. And I drunk the poison of my own volition.  
You have never failed me.   
I have never seen you use magic against me or the crown. I cannot ignore that fact.

You have been a most loyal - friend.”, Arthur's voice cracked at the word friend, while the people threw each other irritated glances.   
“My father has taught me that magic corrupts the most innocent souls. Is it true, that all this time, you had magic. And you never used it?”

Merlin looked up at Arthur in awe. “No, my lord. I did.”, Merlin confessed. Murmuring was heard among the people again. Especially those who knew Merlin, scoffed in disbelieve. 

“Magic is illegal to use in Camelot. On the punishment of death, as you may as well know. What did you use it for that was worth risking your life?”, Arthur demanded to know.   
Merlin looked up and answered exactly, what Arthur expected his answer to be:   
“You.”

“Well now.”, Arthur sighed a shuddering breath. “I cannot execute a man, who has served the crown so loyally, when I have several people vouching for you. At least not without a proper trial. 

I am asking you, Merlin of Ealdor. To tell us your story. I want to hear everything. From the day you arrived in Camelot until today.

There are several knights who have sworn to pledge for you. There are druids among the crowd who keep telling my knights about some kind of destiny. I have called for your mother to confirm how long you have practiced magic. Gaius has offered to confirm your story, as he has been witness to almost all of it.  
And this morning, I have received numerous calls from guards, who wanted to be witnesses on your behavior in the cells last night.

Now I do believe, we need someone who is opposed to your side, so I have decided to ask Agravaine to hold the case of my father. Who is – sadly – too sick to attend this trial.”  
Agravaine turned around in shock to suddenly be part of this. But he steeled himself and nodded at Merlin, as though he was doing him a favor. Arthur may not trust Agravaine, but even Agravaine should prove to be a useless voice in this matter.   
Because almost all the knights stood beside Merlin. As did the servants and the guards. As did the court physician and at least a couple of council members.   
Who were flanking the tribune Arthur was standing on at the moment.

At the mention of the people who were on Merlin's side, Merlin's eyes went wide. He looked around and a few people stepped up from the crowd.   
Among them were Gaius, Hunith, Lancelot, Gwaine and numerous other people. None of them seemed to doubt for even a second what they were doing.  
That they were risking their lives. 

“Now, Merlin.”, Arthur gestured Merlin to rise from his kneeling position.   
“It's your turn.”

Merlin turned around to face the curiously shocked crowd. “It's a long story.”, he swallowed. 

“Speak.”

And then.... Merlin opened his mouth. “First of all.”, he took another deep breath. “I was born with magic.” 

…..

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was... a long story. One that brought light to many questions that Camelot used to ask themselves.   
One especially stood out.   
Because you see, Merlin told them everything. Not just his accomplishments. He told them about the decisions he made. He told them his mistakes.   
Mistakes that were caused by wrong interpretations of destiny and fortune.   
And of course, he started with the blasted Dragon.

Morgana was the old woman in the crowd, who had staggered earlier at the mention that Merlin was Emrys. 

Now, Morgana had been scared beyond believe in her hut. But she couldn't wait this time. She couldn't wait to see the trial and wait how it plays out.   
She needed to witness it. To know, whether it was true that Merlin had magic or not. 

Now, she was witness to everything he ever did.   
And god... it was humiliating for Arthur. Almost all the accomplishments that he was ever praised for, they were accomplishments of Merlin.   
And more than that... it sounded terrifying. 

Morgana had lost so much under the hands of Uther. She had lost her father. She had feared the crown and Uther Pendragon. And she was forever angry about it.   
But Merlin...  
He had not only lost his father. He had never met him. He lost him right after he was found.   
Merlin lost his best friend and the love of his life.

All of them lost to Arthur himself.   
His father may have died protecting Merlin, but he died because Arthur needed the last Dragon lord. His best friend died for Arthur and to protect Merlin's secret.   
And his love? Arthur gave her the mortal wound that killed her himself. 

Merlin had been manipulated by a dragon. He had been forced to keep still and let people die by advice from Gaius. A fact, which Gaius later confirmed. 

Merlin too, had feared Uther's rage. He had been accused of sorcery more than once and was always saved last minute.

Merlin had killed... for Arthur. He defeated Nimueh and Cornelius Sigan. But refused to kill a child. Even though it was said the child would one day kill Arthur.   
And Merlin admitted, that he still somewhat regretted letting the child live. Which made Arthur stare at him in something that almost looked like fear.   
And then... Merlin told them how... and why he poisoned Morgana. 

Morgana couldn't breathe as she heard the explanation. Merlin had been warned that Morgana would help Kill Arthur. That she was his doom.   
And that he couldn't trust her because of it. And, because he had seen her turn against Uther before.  
Merlin had WANTED to tell her about his magic. Gaius stepped in and confirmed that it was HIM who ordered Merlin not to.   
And now Morgana remembered how Merlin had send her to the forest, to help her learn magic.   
And how that had been a mistake, because Uther thought she had been abducted. The druids had paid a grand price for this mistake.

It was clear that of all the mistakes Merlin had listed and admitted to regretting, this was the worst of them all.   
Even though he had no choice. Morgana hadn't even known she was the key to Morgause's sleeping spell. That only Morgana's death would have broken the enchantment.   
And that Merlin knew Morgause would do anything to save her. It was HIM who told Morgause what the poison was, so she could be healed again. 

Morgana listened, but half of Merlin's other stories (especially the unicorn one, what the fuck?) fell on deaf ears.   
Because... she understood. She didn't want to, but she did.   
She herself feared the future. Her own visions. And what that could do to a person. 

Morgana had become exactly what Merlin had feared her to become. 

And then he moved on to telling stories about immortal knights and armies and a sword that was forged for Arthur and Morgana already didn't care.   
Merlin didn't tell them where he hid the sword, but Morgana knew this information could give her power beyond believe. 

But something inside her just lifted. Slowly. Clearly this wasn't enough to change her heart. This wasn't nearly enough.   
But it was a lot. It was a question she had always asked herself. It was the very foundation of her hatred. Not it was being undone. Not redeemed, not made up for.   
But it was acknowledged. It was being judged and explained. And Morgana felt that her hatred for Merlin himself was slowly dismantling. Disappearing.  
Because she understood. And she couldn't resent him for it any longer. No matter how deep the betrayal had cut into her.   
For the first time, this wound was healing. 

\-------------------------------------

Arthur listened to every single word. He soaked up the stories like a sponge. And he knew and saw how the expressions of his people changed.   
Not in hatred against Arthur, but in empathy for Merlin.   
And how trust in Arthur's reign turned to disbelieve in his obliviousness.   
Not just that. Fear of his power turned to hope for his compassion and care.   
Because Arthur listened.   
To ever single word. 

There were few who doubted Merlin's story. Many more recognized how Merlin's explanation of the events of the past few years filled questions with answers.   
It was as if they had been missing one half of a puzzle and now everything clicked into place. 

It was – admittedly – a long story. Perhaps the longest Arthur had ever heard.   
Merlin may be explaining stories out of order, but what can you expect? Merlin's memory was certainly not perfect.   
But he managed to get it basically right.   
His intentions and decisions however, were clear as day. 

And everyone with half a mind could see how much of a burden all these secrets were on Merlin.   
For the first time, Arthur understood, why Merlin was so wise when he was needed to be.   
Because Merlin had made all of those decisions before.   
Merlin knew exactly what he was talking about, when he gave his opinion about destiny and fate to Arthur all those years ago.   
There is a difference between fate and destiny. Fate can change. 

Destiny can't, but you can decide HOW you do it. 

When Merlin was finally at the end and retold what he knew about the veil story, Arthur had to stop him after the vilia incident. And then he retold the story himself, because he had been there, while Merlin was unconscious. 

The crown had started to mutter again, as Merlin told them how he survived the dorocha's touch. Something that should be impossible.   
Because every other person had died instantly. 

Which is why Arthur began with explaining that Merlin was immortal. And that killing him would not only NOT work, but it would also stop him from closing the veil. Because it was his future self who did so.   
(Arthur wasn't entirely sure how that worked, because apparently Dragoon had witnessed the entire veil thing differently. Which meant the future could still change. But he ignored that for the moment. That was a philosophical question that should not be addressed in a witch trial.)

And that – to the people – explained why there was no pyre.   
Even though that wasn't the reason at all. 

It was already dawn, when the stories and confirmations of such had ended. The silence wore heavily among the people. It had taken longer than Arthur had expected.   
So much for being crowned today..... 

“Agravaine, I believe it is now your turn to speak on behalf of my father. Name us a good reason, I'm sure you have plenty, what Merlin's real punishment should look like.”

Agravaine too, had listened.   
And he stared at Arthur as if he had gone mad. All eyes were suddenly on him. Before the entire thing had started, Agravaine had still looked smug and determined to find reason to get Merlin killed.   
But Camelot depended on this twink.   
Merlin could not be killed, even if they tried. And it was almost impossible to criticize him for his actions. 

Agravaine opened his mouth. He had to try at least...  
“Well, Sire. Merlin has shown... unwavering loyalty, no doubt. But he has poisoned Morgana and therefore created Camelot's worst enemy yet.   
You cannot tell me -”

Arthur interrupted him, while the people started to glare at Agravaine now. It was telling that the rotten fruit had suddenly disappeared. 

“I would like to remind the council that Agravaine here has advised me, loyally, since my father fell ill. And he never fails to tell me that I am too young and untested to make decisions for this land. That I still have to prove myself. And that I make mistakes in my inexperience.”

The council members nodded their heads at each other. Agravaine fell silent. 

“Merlin, would you tell us how old you were, when the dragon put this destiny on your shoulders.”

Merlin flinched. His voice was still hoarse from talking so long. But he answered anyway.   
“17.”, he said shortly. 

The crowd murmured again. 

“The decision a king makes, rest heavy on his shoulders.”, Arthur explained to the crowd.   
“We bear every death of every knight or citizen who fell under our reign or command.   
I keep being advised where I need it, to make sure that nobody dies. That's what the council is for.   
The responsibility still rests on me. But I do not have to make those decisions alone.   
I became crown prince, when I turned 21. I was 21, when I was told I should prepare to become king one day.   
I was educated from a young age, and still I have much to learn. 

Merlin bore the responsibility of this kingdom since he was 17. He had protected this kingdom. And made decisions worthy that of a king.   
And, after everything I have heard, I believe he made them based on his best knowledge.   
He had no advisor, except for the one who kept pushing him to his limits and expected him to murder (Arthur is referring to Khilgharrah). And a man who kept warning him that he could die any time, no matter how he interferes.   
He was and IS young. And he made mistakes. 

And what happened to Morgana was not HIS fault.”

Arthur shook his head at Agravaine. “After everything I've heard today, I believe it was my father's hatred that made it so. His hatred of magic.”

Agravaine closed his mouth. Merlin had earlier confessed that the vision Arthur had of his mother had been the truth. And nothing but the truth and that Merlin had lied to him.   
Arthur was barely able to contain himself. He understood why Merlin had done it, but he couldn't believe he did.   
The crowd probably couldn't either. 

“It is for this reason, that I believe it is time my father stepped down as king. He is broken from Morgana's betrayal. And his decisions have proven to cause nothing but pain for Camelot.”, Arthur continued and the world seemed to freeze for the moment.   
“His reign ends today and now. And I know that I still have to prove myself as king, especially after what Merlin has told us today.   
But I believe, with him at my side, I can make better decisions than my father.   
Merlin has given me the wisest council I have ever received in my life. And it is my deepest hope that he will continue to do so.”

Merlin stared up at him in disbelieve. As did Agravaine (more in shock, because Arthur had just dismissed his own council entirely.).

“Do you swear, Merlin Emrys, to use your knowledge and your magic for Camelot and it's protection and never to harm it?”

“Of course.” Merlin didn't even hesitate. 

“Do you swear to use it -”

“For you, Arthur. Always for you.”

Arthur choked on his sentence. Then.... Arthur took a deep breath and pulled out something underneath his cloak. The people did not seem to recognize what it was, but Agravaine did.   
“Arthur... you cannot -”  
“This – bears my mother's sigil.”, Arthur ignored him and pulled out a round piece of medal. There was a bird embedded to it. It was THE sigil. (10) And he handed it to Merlin, who looked up with shock.   
“Arthur I can't -”

“Take it. From this day forth, Merlin. You shall be court sorcerer of Camelot.”, Arthur said and Merlin's eyes widened.   
“But the ban -”

“Lifted. From now on. You are proof, that it can be used for good. I cannot execute a man for magic, when it has saved Camelot so many times.”

The crowd fell into chaos. 

\---------------------------------

Morgana froze. The ban....   
Arthur had lifted the ban. No. That was impossible. Sure, Arthur cared about Merlin. But... THAT much?  
Arthur cared to THIS extend?  
Arthur just undid what Uther had worked for, for over 20 years.   
Arthur just....

Morgana heaved in a deep breath in her old form. It was... a lot.   
It was... enough.   
Enough to break her. To make her cry. The thing that had caused her feeling of oppression – gone.   
Her reason for hating Arthur, namely that he was exactly like Uther – wrong.   
Wrong wrong wrong. 

She couldn't deal with this any more.   
Merlin was Emrys, he was her doom. But.... BUT! She understood. She understood!

She turned and left. And hurried towards her horse, before making her way back to her hut.   
Morgana Le Fay always had a plan.   
She always....   
She didn't. She didn't know what to do. 'It must be a ruse', her mind screamed. But her heart wept. From relief and most of all, hope and believe.   
Where was her hatred from before?  
Where had it gone?

When she finally made it back to her hut, she fell down onto the mattress and fell asleep almost instantly.   
She slept. And for once – she did not dream a nightmare.   
She dream of one thing. One thing alone. Another future. Another vision.   
Of the golden age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (10) In case some of you want to bring the argument that Merlin should already have the sigil, because of that one deleted scene. Here is my counter argument:   
> No.   
> The entire deleted scene would have replaced another. And that is the moment right before Merlin get's touched by the dorocha and almost dies.   
> Compare the dialogue, it's almost exactly the same.   
> “Sometimes you puzzle me Merlin.”, “You never fathom me out?”  
> Is in both scenes. So no... Merlin never got the Sigil. Sadly enough. And since the deleted scene is from that very episode, it's obvious that they chose the dramatic scene over the emotional one. That's how I see it :P


	8. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I don't know what to say to this one. Enjoy :)

Arthur was crowned only half an hour later.  
The council had easily agreed to make him king now. Mostly, because it was very clear that Uther wasn't fit to be king any longer.  
Arthur still refused to visit him.

But that was not the point anyway. It was deep in the night, when the crown finally found it's rightful place on Arthur's head and Geoffrey – the librarian and long time council member – pronounced him king.

The cheers fell dull on Arthur's ears. He could only hear Merlin, who had been send to stand next to Gaius, at the window. Normally, Merlin should have stood in the crowd.  
Now however, he had a completely different status and no one seemed to know where to place him exactly.  
“Long live the king.”, Merlin's voice echoed over their heads. And it was all Arthur's head latched on to.

It was too late in the night to hold a feast, but all that would be arranged in the morning. The people who had come from far away (like Hunith), were offered a place in the castle.  
And the knights had decided to go to the tavern to celebrate anyway.  
Merlin and Arthur, too, were invited. But before Merlin could agree to come along, Arthur had held him back to speak with him alone.

From the corner of his eyes, Arthur could see Gwen smiling proudly at him, before turning around and talking to Lancelot. Before the veil, Gwen and Lancelot had most often avoided each other. But since Gwen knew what Lancelot would have done for her, she couldn't help but feel almost obligated to rekindle their friendship.  
A development that should worry Arthur. And it did, to some extend. But he merely nodded at Gwen with a heavy heart, before dragging Merlin to his chambers by the sleeve.

Once they arrived at Arthur's chambers, Arthur slammed the door shut behind him. He let go of Merlin, who now stood at the door, slightly dumbfounded by Arthur's sudden rage.

“HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?!”, Arthur yelled, even though he wasn't face to face with Merlin. At the end of the room he halted and turned around to glare at Merlin from a distance.

Merlin stiffened under his glare and held up both his hands in defense. Arthur didn't let him speak.  
“You've had magic this ENTIRE time! You USED it EVERY day! For chores no less! Right in FRONT of my father!  
You made me look like a FOOL out there!”  
Arthur was almost red in the face, his blood was boiling so much.

“To be completely honest, it IS kind of ridiculous how often you fall unconscious at the exact right time.”

“My father would have had you EXECUTED, if I wasn't!”, Arthur didn't see a point in denying it. Merlin was right, after all. It WAS ridiculous. Another part of him wanted to laugh, because Merlin was still acting the same. Still insolent, still commenting Arthur, even though the difference in their status should not allow it.  
Not even a court sorcerer was allowed to speak like that to a king.

“Sorry?”, Merlin said, taken aback by the sudden use of concern in Arthur's voice.

Why was it that this idiot always only apologized for being alive? Why was that so – Merlin.  
Arthur groaned.  
He turned around again and pulled at his hair.  
“You know, for all the good stuff you did, you really fucked up half your decisions, you do realize that, right?”, Arthur commented.  
He didn't need to see Merlin, to know that he flinched at that. And that he nodded as well.  
Arthur turned around again and sighed.

“You gave Agravaine so many reasons to talk against you, you know that?”

Merlin smiled. “You wanted the whole truth. This was the whole truth.”  
“Everything?”  
“Everything.”, Merlin confirmed.

Arthur relaxed under the earnest expression Merlin wore. With his stupid blue eyes and the servant outfit that looked too ragged and well worn for a court sorcerer.  
They should do something about that.

Arthur sighed again, then he walked forward with intent. Merlin blinked and stepped back, as he usually did when Arthur looked like he was going to pommel him. But before he could open the door and flee, Arthur was already embracing him into a neck deep hug.

Merlin stiffened in surprise. His arms uselessly flapping at his side, before he wrapped them around Arthur's middle, his hands resting on his shoulder blades.

“Never do that again.”, Arthur said.  
“You mean saving your life?”  
“Hiding things from me.”, Arthur said and heaved out a breath.

Which he would regret soon. Because when he inhaled again, he could smell leather and hey on Merlin's neck. The way a person smelled when they spend an entire night in the cells of Camelot, shouldn't be so calming and inviting, Arthur decided.  
It's not like Arthur had never smelled this before. It wasn't like it was especially endearing or god forbid 'attractive'.  
No.

It reminded him of cold nights in the woods, when his knights and lay around the fire to sleep.  
And as usual, Merlin would have his bed roll right next to Arthur, like a protective watch dog.  
Arthur loved Camelot, loved his home, his people, his room, even his job.  
Every time they rode out, Arthur missed the familiar scent of fresh baked bread, of paper and ink and that one distinctive one that always smelled like home.

In this very moment, Arthur realized why his bedroll was always right next to Merlin.  
It was HIS scent. It was Merlin's.  
It was always layered with something else. With smoke from the fire, with herbs when he attended Gaius, right now with leather and hey, sometimes even horse dung, when Merlin had been send to the stables.

But this one, right underneath, was so strong right now in this very moment, that Arthur froze.

Slowly, his eyes blinking rapidly at the realization, Arthur let go of Merlin. Merlin smiled at him, still in disbelieve. That wide smile that Arthur loved to see on him. That he loved to put there.  
That he always had a soft spot for.

“Did you just hug me?”, Merlin pointed out with that smug grin of his and therefore put Arthur out of his confused daze.  
“We'll NEVER, speak of this again.”, Arthur pointed his finger at Merlin with a still angry frown and then turned around.

“Oh come on. Don't be like that, Arthur. You can admit it!”

“I just said -”

“Come on, Arthur. You like me.”

Arthur almost stumbled over his own feet and almost managed to hit his head at his own bed frame.

Merlin immediately recoiled to worry about Arthur.  
“Arthur, are you okay?”

“I do NOT like you. What gave you that idea?”, Arthur managed to hurl out between trying to get back on his feet and sitting down on his bed. Okay, maybe he HAD hit his head. It hurt like hell.  
Merlin blinked a few times, then frowned with confusion.

“Right.”, he said. Not even concealing his disbelieve.

Arthur stared at him. How was it possible, that everyone, including Gwen, could tell Arthur that he loved Merlin, he could easily deflect it as a form of friendship.  
But the moment Merlin merely suggested that Arthur as little as LIKED him, he immediately went into a defense mode? Knocked of his feet.... literally.  
And why, pray tell, did Merlin look like he JUST figured that out? He he didn't know but just assumed that Arthur liked him?  
Didn't Merlin already KNOW?

“So you usually avoid every form of affection for your friends, but you hug people you don't like?”

“Merlin?”, Arthur made a sound.  
“Yes?”, Merlin rose his eyebrows.  
“Shut up.”

Merlin's head tilted from side to side, his shoulders shrugging, like this was normal. Because this WAS their normal. Why was it so hard for Arthur to feel that way?  
He felt like everything had suddenly changed.

He had always known Merlin. His kind heart, his neglect for propriety. All that was nothing new.  
But now Arthur had seen how far Merlin's loyalty reached.  
How his kindness outweighed even that what Arthur had ever expected and known.  
He felt relieved, knowing that Merlin had first saved his life out of his own volition, before the dragon assigned his task for him.  
But he felt his heart twisting with how deeply Merlin cared for him.

How he had neglected himself and the future of all magic to make sure Arthur wouldn't kill his own father. Because Merlin knew Arthur would have had a breakdown after.  
Merlin had protected Arthur to make sure he could become the king he wanted to be.  
Not the one that was expected, not one that people hoped for. But that Arthur could always be himself.

Merlin had always been there.  
And it was now of all moments that Arthur recognized some similarities between Merlin and Gwen. The way they spoke from the bottom of their hearts. How they cared about Arthur but didn't let that stop them from insulting him.  
Arthur had always searched for an honest voice. One that didn't just guide him but that also made him see sense.

He had found that in two people.

Both were wise. And he cared about them both. But so far, he had always thought the feeling was different for both.  
In the way he loved them and in it's intensity. As he now tried to analyze that feeling, he noticed something …. scary.  
The way he loved Gwen was strong and intense and impossible to bear at times. It was stable and unwavering.  
What he felt for Merlin was.... growing. All consuming and at this very moment, it felt world shattering and destructive.

“Of course, Sire. I won't bother you again, Sire. I do anything you say, Sire.”, Merlin commented in that sarcastic voice of his that he only ever used to annoy Arthur.

“Merlin.”

“Hmm?”, Merlin grinned, waiting for a counter insult. But Arthur had a different question to ask.  
“About what the dragon said -”

“Don't question the dragon, Arthur. Kilgharrah is always very confusing and unspecific. I don't know what he means half the time, either.”

“He said we were two sides of the same coin. We're supposed to create Albion together. Side by side. One half cannot truly hate what makes it whole. That's what he said. It's pretty clear, isn't it?”

Merlin blinked. “What do you mean?”  
Arthur blinked. “Have you never questioned what he meant by that?”

“Oh, all the time. We are destined to create Albion together.”  
“You mean, you are my destiny.”, Arthur tried to make that very clear. Because, surely Merlin couldn't be so blind to see what it meant, right?  
Two sides of the same coin.... soul mates? Right? Merlin saw that right? He wasn't THAT much of an idiot, right?

“And you are mine. Wow, that sounds weird.”, Merlin contemplated and then.... laughed it off. Like it didn't mean anything.  
Anything at all.

Arthur stared at him with wide eyes, his mouth tilted downwards in disbelieve. Merlin was an idiot. Holy shit.

Merlin shrugged and rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, Arthur. The dragon didn't mean we should get married or something like that. You are fated to marry Gwen. You love her and she loves you. Nothing can change that.”

'Fate can be changed. Destiny cannot.', Arthur stared at Merlin without saying it out loud. And kept staring, even as Merlin noticed his strange behavior.  
“Arthur. You do know nobody ever said we were destined to fall in love, right? You know.... with each other.”, Merlin pointed between them.  
“You JUST told me, you don't even like me.”

Arthur kept staring. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know what it was.  
“You are dismissed.”, Arthur finally said. Merlin rose an eyebrow in confusion.  
“Arthur?”  
“I said you can go.”

“Okay?”, Merlin tilted his head at him in confusion, as if he was contemplating if Arthur was planning to hit him.

As soon as Merlin had left, however, Arthur buried his face in his hands.  
“What the hell was THAT?”, he asked himself, breathless, as he realized what he had just implied to Merlin.  
What Merlin had picked up. And what Arthur's silence had just admitted.

\------------------------------------------------

“Guinevere.”  
The next morning, the late feast was held. All of Camelot's citizens were invited and the servants were running around in the hurries of preparation.  
Many heads turned to him. Some were a bit amused. Arthur knew that people would be laughing at his obliviousness, but he found it in himself to ignore it.

He was stalling through the halls, wearing his signature red shirt and a short sword at his side.  
Gwen looked up from the silver ware in her hands. She was probably on her way to Uther.  
“Arthur.”, she smiled as she noticed him.

Arthur stopped in front of her, about to say something or ask something. But he didn't really know what to say. It was like his mind was in total confusion and chaos and seeing her only made it worse. Because of course, he loved her.  
Thinking he liked Merlin the same way was absurd and contradicting. And yet he knew there was a part of him who found this obscure feeling not obscure at all.

“Were you on your way to my father?”

Guinevere pressed her lips together and looked aside. “I am. He found out about your change in the laws and your coronation an hour ago.”, she said and gave him a pitiful glance.  
“He's too weak and broken to scream at me, anymore. But he's angry. With you, with me. Everyone. I've tried to talk to him, but he says you've betrayed him.”

Arthur sighed and took the plate out of her hands. “Thank's Guinevere. I'll talk to him.”

“My lord.”, Gwen bowed. Then she smiled at him again.  
“The people love what you did.”, she said and Arthur nodded slightly to encourage her to keep speaking.

“They say it was fair and just of you to let Merlin live. To hear him out and to listen to him.  
Many are glad that the ban is revealed. I didn't even know how many people still feared for their lives.”, she shook her head, sympathy and amazement lazing her gaze.  
“You gave them hope. Merlin gave them hope.  
They say, it takes a strong and kind heart to change such a law, as passionately as you did yesterday.” She didn't need to say how proud and relieved she was.

“Thank you, Guinevere.”, Arthur said and recognized once again, how wise and strong Gwen was.

He swallowed, before pressing a thin kiss to her forehead. Then he made his way up into the highest tower. Where his father lived and watched over the people.  
Broken from Morgana's betrayal. And now perhaps crushed by Arthur's.

Arthur looked at the man who sat beside the window.

So many years Arthur had dedicated to make this man proud. So many years, Arthur had trusted in his every word. Only to realize that he had been lied to.  
Arthur had executed Uther's orders, not without hesitation or regret. But he had executed them. He was bearing the deaths of dozens of sorcerer's, druids, women and children on his shoulders, because of this man.

This man who blamed magic for a crime he himself had committed.  
Arthur needed a moment, before he cleared his throat, to make his father aware of his presence.  
Uther looked old as he turned around.  
Wrinkles on his forehead and in his eyes. People often said, wrinkles came to you, when you laughed a lot in your life.  
Uther had smiled often upon the deaths of – as Arthur now knew – innocent people.

“Arthur.”, Uther frowned at him.  
“Father.”, Arthur's hands gripped the silver plate tighter. Before walking over and setting the plate down on the small desk before Uther.

“How could you do this?!”, Uther sounded furious and mad. And for a second Arthur forgot that this man was not the king anymore.

“I'm afraid, you have to be a bit more specific. I've done a lot, since I last saw you.  
What are you mad at? That the veil is closed? That, I'm king now.... or that I made magic legal. Take your pick.”

Arthur crossed his arms, unwavering as he confronted his father.  
Uther's breathing increased at his anger. But he was too weak and exhausted to stand up.  
“You've brought shame to Camelot. You made it weak.”

“YOU created Camelot's worst enemy! YOU burned innocent people at the stake. You ruled with hatred and fear. People didn't respect you. They feared you and your rule.  
And YOU were scared of THEM as well.  
Camelot is and will continue to be stronger than it was in your time. You've had your chance and you've messed it up so badly.

Now watch, as I fix your mistakes.”

Arthur had wanted to say more. To scream more. The twitch in Uther's eyes made Arthur want to throw down his gauntlet and challenge him to a duel.  
For all that Uther had done, he deserved it.  
But Arthur realized this was all he had to say. Saying more would weaken the impact these words had on his father.  
They would lessen it's meaning.

And Merlin was right. Arthur was angry now, but he would never forgive himself for killing his own father. Maybe in time, Arthur could see to forgive him. Maybe.... in time.  
He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and then left. Leaving Uther to sit there, unattended to.  
Well.... a man who ruled alone, could not expect to be able to rely on others, if he needed them.

Arthur swore to be a different king. A better one. He would listen to his people.

\-----------------------------------------------

The feast was already in full motion, when Arthur finally arrived at the banquet.  
He held a short speech and soon, people started digging in. The only people Arthur was still missing, were Gwen and Merlin.  
Never the less, he had decided to mingle with his knights. Talk to them, and see what he could do to improve the kingdom.

Agravaine sat to his left, constantly giving Arthur strange looks. Which was the sole reason why Arthur hadn't stood up yet. He felt like the man was trying to say something.  
“Out with it, uncle. Before you choke on it.”, he said and Agravaine flinched at being addressed so rudely.

“My lord.”, Agravaine bowed his head. “I just wanted to say, I am impressed how you've handled yesterday's affairs. It was very responsible of you to assume the throne.  
But I must ask, if you really think it wise to lift the ban on magic? To install a – a SERVANT as court sorcerer? I mean, we both know how loyal Merlin is.  
But-”

“No buts, uncle, Merlin has protected this kingdom more often than I got good council from yourself, Agravaine. My knights and Gaius have vouched for him and confirmed his claims. I have no reason to doubt him.”

“My lord. Haven't I given you countless good advise in the past months, since your father fell sick? You have told me yourself, how much you value my council – I -”, Agravaine looked hurt. So Arthur silenced him again.  
“I know you have, uncle. I don't know where Camelot would have been without you.”, Arthur said and Agravaine blinked. “But -”  
“That should tell you just how valuable Merlin truly is. If he surpasses even you, uncle.”

Agravaine stared at his plate, while Arthur stood up. He just saw Lancelot and Gwaine laughing about something and he felt strangely curious to know what it was they were laughing at.

“Agravaine, I believe you should stop advising me against magic.  
You're in liege with Morgana. You should be happy about it.”

Arthur stepped forward, his red cape waving behind him, while Agravaine froze. “Sire? You wouldn't believe -”

“No, Agravaine. I know. You should go and tell her the good News. Tell her, if she has it in her to forgive me for everything I've done to her kind, I would like to welcome her home.”

\-------------------------------------------------------

Lancelot and Gwaine had been laughing about something, yes. It was mostly about the slurry way Elyan talked about giant talking mushrooms he once met in the woods.  
Elyan was fairly drunk. But he paused in his story to greet Arthur, before continuing.

Arthur sat down, ignoring how Agravaine rushed out the room. Hurrying away, without anyone ever doubting or suspecting his long ongoing betrayal.

Arthur shook his head, surprised that Agravaine hadn't tried to stab him to death.

“Lancelot, can I ask you something?”, Arthur leaned over, so none of the other knights could hear him. Gwaine was laughing especially loud now, as Elyan tried to get the accent of the one mushroom with the blue beard right.

Lancelot nodded. “Of course, Sire.”, he said and took a grand sip of his goblet. His eyes still directed at Elyan, but his ears sharp for whatever question Arthur may have.  
“Have you ever heard of men liking men?”  
Lancelot spat out his wine, directly into Elyan's face. Who stood there, suddenly half sobered up.  
The knights turned to Arthur.  
Everyone.... had heard it.

“What?”, Lancelot asked, while Gwaine barked out laughing and almost falling over his chair.

Arthur felt, like he should have anticipated this. Or maybe ask Lancelot to speak to him alone. But NO, HE wanted this to be a casual conversation.  
God... he should have known that Uther's strict laws, even on the knights code, especially regarding a 'man's honor', had reached them.

“Nothing.... just. I heard a few …. servants talk about it earlier. They were wondering if me becoming king would make such things... less of taboo subject.”  
Arthur would have patted himself on the shoulder for this admirably convincing lie, if that wouldn't contradict the point of lying.

“Oh.”, Lancelot said and cleared his throat. “And... is that so?”

Now the knights regarded Arthur with fascination. Arthur licked his lips and took a sip from his own wine as well. “I don't know? I don't really know much of anything, to be honest. I don't even know how that's supposed to work. My father didn't really think it wise to teach me the most basic of knowledge.

I know how to rule a kingdom and even that seems to be the exact opposite of what he taught me. So -”

“I understand. Well, yes I have heard of it. To be honest, I do have some experience too.”

With that, everyone stared at Lancelot. Who merely shrugged.

“What?”, he asked and drank from his goblet again. “I've always been a romantic. You really think something as shallow as gender or sex could have stopped my heart from feeling that way?”

“I thought you like Gwen?”, Elyan asked and finally wiped off his face.  
“I do. And I've never loved anyone more.”, Lancelot smiled. Before noticing Arthur's strange glance and then clearing his throat.  
“I have also always cherished the people I love enough to know when I'm not wanted. I would never force myself between the person I love and the person they love, if the situation would require me to.”

Gwaine looked impressed. “How on earth do you do that? Every time I hit on a guy, they just punch me in the face.”  
The knights laughed, while Arthur's eyes widened.

“That's because you keep asking them out, after you won all their money and started a bar fight.”, Percival rolled his eyes.

Gwaine looked at him for a second, then frowned and then shrugged with a laugh. “Fair point.”

“You're all fine with it?”, Arthur asked in the round and most of them just shrugged.  
“Sire, I would say these are private matters and everyone should just decide for themselves what they like and what not. Or who they like.  
As long as everyone involved gives their consent, I don't think there should be any problem.”, Leon commented.

“What about you then?”, Arthur asked Leon. “What do YOU prefer? Men or women?”  
Leon blinked, then grinned. “Neither, Sire. I'm happier exactly as I am right now.”

Arthur nodded in understanding. “Percival?”  
“Oh, men. Definitely.”, Percival shrugged. Receiving an odd look from Gwaine. “No, Gwaine.”, Percival didn't look at him.  
“I didn't even say anything.”  
“You didn't have to.”

Turns out, most of his men not only preferred women, most dated exclusively women. But his closest friends were all more 'open to suggestions', as Elyan called it with his mouth full of wine.

“Well...”, Arthur took a deep breath, before asking: “How does it work then.”  
The round... groaned.  
“My friend.”, Gwaine stood up and walked around the table, to sit on Arthur's right side and put an arm loosely around his shoulder.  
“What do you prefer? Do you want me to TELL or TEACH.”

“Right now, I'd like to cut your hand of.”, Arthur said and Gwaine realized his mistake, as he retreated his hand.  
And then he started explaining.

And …. Arthur finally understood why none of the knights wanted him to ask this question.  
It was... embarrassing. And loud and very detailed.  
With a lot of obscure gestures.  
To the point where Arthur buried his face in his hands, almost covering his ears in shame to have asked this question at all.  
This was why he should not have asked Gwaine. He just realized it too late.

At some point, Arthur had finally gotten the gist, but Gwaine was still talking. He was in the middle of what was the explanation of some kind of role play, including several spoons and a hand gesture that was portraying some kind of giant – I will not finish that sentence – the gates to the banquet hall opened.

The room fell silent and even Gwaine stopped himself mid explanation, as Merlin and Gwen entered the room.  
“Holy shit.”, Gwaine said and nudged Arthur with his ellbow.

Arthur wanted to shout at him, but then Arthur saw them.  
Gwen and Merlin. Side by side. And if that alone would not have knocked out Arthur's breathing, then their clothes would have.

Now, Arthur knew Gwen must have made these. Or at least picked them out. And it was clear that this was the reason why they were several hours late.

Gwen was wearing a dark purple dress. Made from material that made her look royal, rather than a servant. Her hair was organized and fell in giant waves down her back. She had always had a massive amount of hair. Arthur wondered, if Merlin had helped her style it.  
And then Arthur's eyes fell on Merlin and his heart nearly stopped.

Merlin was wearing what looked like one of Arthur's old blue shirts. It was one of those he rarely wore. So rarely that only Arthur and Merlin would recognize it.  
But it wasn't the shirt that fixated Arthur's stare. Merlin wore his normal clothes otherwise. Except, he didn't wear his neckerchief. He wore a rope. One of those that looked like capes with sleeves. And Gwen had made it so, the Sigil was holding the entire mantle together, right where his collarbones began.

Merlin must have also just taken a bath and finally stepped an appropriate amount of hours, instead of rotting in the cells or standing up early to do servant stuff.  
He looked fresh and awake and joyful.  
And -  
He looked royal. Not just by his aura and his appearance, the people around him bowed to him. Bowed to Emrys, who had saved and protected Camelot many times now.

“Arthur?”, Gwaine tried to rip him from his thoughts, then he followed Arthur's starstruck gaze. And landed on Merlin. Not Gwen, who had walked over to a few maids to talk to them.  
Gwaine's arms fell to his side. He was the only one who had noticed. And made the connection.  
“Oh.”, he breathed in realization.  
His eyes widening, as he turned his had towards Arthur. Who still... couldn't look away.  
Arthur swallowed. He had noticed it too.


	9. Fate and Destiny are not exclusive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it is a bit difficult to explain what happened.  
> Because, once again, I am still rewatching Merlin. And I do love Merthur, over everything really. But I also love Arwen and Gwencelot and er............  
> I didn't have it in my heart to make either of them break up.  
> It doesn't make sense to me in this case. They love each other too much. So I made them poly.  
> If that's not what you want to read, it's totally fine. ( I know there are many who think of relationships in a more traditional sense, and that is totally alright with me). You can stop reading the story, and maybe wait, until I make something that is more to your liking :)  
> ((I'm thinking of making one for the finale episode. Where Merlin has lost his magic. And Gaius tells Arthur, they could defeat Morgana if they learn magic in an alternate dimension. Which is actually the inside of Merlin's magic. And there Merlin has to relearn his powers and become stronger than ever. ))  
> I just.... I got so wrapped up in analyzing Arthur's feelings for Gwen, I couldn't make him fall out of love with her. I just can't. Not for THIS Arthur and Gwen. They love each other. I don't see a point in making them choose another. What stupid kinda choice is that anyway? And Arthur is head over heels for Merlin at this point. And Lancelot never stopped loving Gwen. And Gwen just avoided Lancelot, because she's scared that may rekindle her feelings for him (I think that's canon, I watched them in the darkest hour. She only ever got over him because he died. As bad as that sounds, I believe it's true.)  
> I think this is the most reasonable approach for their relationship, in THIS story. Ships have to come naturally to me (Which is Merthur most often.) They cannot be forced. So I will not force them apart either. I like this dynamic and I will keep it that way till the end.

“Seriously?”, Gwaine leaned over to whisper in Arthur's ear.  
“Shut up, Gwaine.”  
“You're not even denying it!”, Gwaine huffed in surprise.  
Then he contemplated for a second. “Actually, it kinda makes sense.”

Arthur groaned and almost let his face fall on to the table.... if there hadn't been a plate full of food been standing there.  
“Why?”, Arthur said. But it was unrelated to Gwaine's comment and more directed at his own heart.  
Gwaine.... didn't know that.  
“Well I mean... the way you talk to him. And look at him. And... yeah everything really. You should see yourself, when he's not in the room.  
You're always searching for him. You get agitated and nervous.  
You thought Merlin was dying after the Dorocha touched him and you immediately forgot what the mission was about. If Leon hadn't talked you out of it, you'd have abandoned the entire quest. Hundred's of people would have died.  
You even recognized Dragoon by his eyes. I mean... Lancelot knew that Merlin is Emrys, but you? You heard the word time travel, then looked them in the eyes and you just... SAW it. It's kinda impressive.  
Wow – the more I think about it -”

“Shut up, Gwaine.”, Arthur growled and tried to shush him. 

“Oh.”, Gwaine grinned at Arthur with amusement. “That's why you asked earlier, right? What? Were you imagining -”

“I said, shut up!”, Arthur glared at him and couldn't hide the fact that he was beat red in the face. 

“She's beautiful, isn't she?”, Lancelot suddenly commented, as Gwen was approaching the table.  
Arthur paled. Which was a very stark contrast to his earlier expression.  
Lancelot – of course – was mesmerized by Gwen. Who did look beautiful, of course.  
So... why?  
Why didn't Arthur stare at HER? Why not? He LOVED her. Why couldn't he -

Oh god, she was here. 

Gwen leaned over the table. A conflicted emotion on her face as well, as she smiled at Arthur first and then at Lancelot.  
She locked eyes with him and then looked away immediately. 

Arthur felt.....  
Relieved?  
What?  
Arthur inhaled a deep breath and sat upright now. Shouldn't he be jealous? A part of him was. As he always was, when Lancelot was there. But usually his response to his own heart was to avoid talking to Lancelot.  
Now he had searched him out for advice. And now he kind of hoped that Gwen would talk to him instead.  
Not that Arthur didn't want to talk to her. He did. 

But he felt also very ashamed. Like he was betraying her. Which – in a way – he was. 

Now, Arthur couldn't even look at her. And Gwen noticed it. Her eyes narrowed for a moment and her eyes flickered between Lancelot and Arthur.  
As though she ….. she got it wrong.  
“My lord. Sir Lancelot.”, she bowed to them both, without ever exchanging words with them. 

She bit her lip and turned around. Wordlessly she said something to herself. Arthur barely saw it from this angle, but he did.  
He needed to talk to her. She thought it was her fault. She was being dragged back into her self doubts. Her conflicted heart.  
Because she didn't realized WHY Arthur was avoiding her. And Arthur avoiding her, pulled her in towards Lancelot again. 

It wasn't her fault. Arthur finally understood how she must have felt last time. How she felt now. 

Gwaine too, narrowed his eyes at Arthur.  
“So erm.... will you tell him?”, he whispered again. “Or shall I?”

“Don't you fucking dare! I'd never hear the end of it.”, Arthur hissed back, while Gwaine couldn't seem to stop laughing. 

Suddenly, the crowd went quiet, as though someone had requested to hold a speech.  
Arthur looked up from where he worriedly watched Gwen now (very pointedly ignoring his former servant), as of COURSE, Merlin spoke up. 

In the middle of the room, where the tables had shaped a u-form and therefore gave Merlin plenty of room to be the center of attention, he stood tall in front of them.  
The sun light hitting him unfairly.  
Arthur swallowed down his own heart with the entire interior of his wine goblet. Which had just been refilled. 

“May I ask for your attention, please, my lords?”, Merlin beamed in the round.  
The knights waved at him with amused smiles. Servants and maids pointed at him with hushed whispers.  
The council members put down their food, as though they still weren't sure if Merlin was here to poison them all. 

The room fell silent.  
“I just wanted to say -”, Merlin took a deep breath, still in disbelieve over the past events. From the table to his left, he exchanged a small glance with Gaius who nodded at him encouragingly.  
“Thank you all.”, Merlin said.  
“My entire life I've lived in fear of who I am.  
I never thought I'd ever be the servant of the crown prince of Camelot. Especially since he's such a prat.”, Merlin grinned at Arthur in a way that made him melt on his chair.  
'No no no no no.', Arthur thought and tried to hide behind his goblet. But the innocent golden table wear was still empty and no other servant had noticed his need for more.

“I found purpose in my life as a servant.”, Merlin continued.  
“And I never dreamed that magic would ever be legal. That I would ever be free. And being court sorcerer -”, Merlin almost laughed. 

“I just thought, the occasion demands, I show you all some magic. To entertain you. And I hope with time, that those of you who still fear magic, will come to love it as much as I always did.”

While the audience started muttering, Merlin muttered something inaudible under his breath and for a split second, his eyes flashed golden.  
And then the bird inside his sigil came alive.  
Metallic and silver it spread it's wings, as it hopped of the giant coin. It's head parting to reveal a little yawn.  
The creature stretched itself under the 'oohs' and slight yelps of the audience. 

Then it landed on the floor, head tilting and searching for something. It didn't take long for it, to fly off, over their heads and around the people at the tables.  
In a much similar fashion, now the table ware came to live. Pitchers and candles started dancing across the tables, splashing wine and candle wax everywhere. 

But it made the people laugh, as they started choreographing some kind of dance.  
None of the objects knew what the other was doing, but the glasses were being played by another candle holder with three candles on top.  
It was holding a tiny chicken leg and used it to create that sound that glasses can make, when you wet your fingers and run it across the edges. 

With that they played a small melody, with no feeling for tact or rhythm.  
The chandeliers suddenly clinked a clattered against each other. Merlin was cheering them on with hand gestures, until they finally got the hang of it. 

Finally, their dancing and – singing?- started to make sense. It become less noise and more music by the second.  
And especially the knights were plenty amused by them.  
Merlin clapped his hands together, his eyes flickering golden once more and then the fires of the candles took on forms.  
Little children of flames looked at each other curiously, before giggling to themselves and then flying to the ceiling. Completely unattached to the horrified candles that had housed them. 

Their dancing was more mesmerizing that that of the goblets and the silver ware, but the silver ware would not let this rest upon them.  
They balled their tiny fists at the flaming dancers and then increased their own performance.  
A tiny dance battle took place. 

It was both mesmerizing, beautiful and also utterly ridiculous. And so Merlin, that Arthur couldn't stop himself from laughing.  
One the one hand, he wanted to warn Merlin, that using magic was still dangerous. That using magic carelessly could still cause harm.  
At the same time Merlin's magic seemed so childish and harmless that he only wanted to make fun of him for it. 

And then the bird that marked Ygraine's sigil flew right over Arthur's head and then buried itself in the comfortable nest that was his blond hair. The golden crown on his head, framing the tiny bird and making sure it didn't fall off.  
Arthur wanted to say something, but the tiny thing nuzzled in to Arthur's head. 

Arthur shook his head at the display of affection only to smile at Merlin.  
Who.... smiled right back at him. His eyes bright and wide and honest and affectionate. His smile radiant and directed only at him. In the most fond way.  
So happy to finally be honest to him. To finally be free. To finally do such stupid things without fearing the pyre for it. 

Arthur's own smile fell, as did Merlin's as he noticed Arthur's change in expression. 

'He is beautiful.', Arthur's head said to himself. And he wasn't even referring to the gold in those eyes or the magic flames and dancing objects around them.  
It was simply the fact that Merlin had decided to show them magic. Not to show them what he could do, not to show them the power it had, not even to express his own freedom.  
He had decided to make them laugh.  
His very first act of magic as a court sorcerer and THIS was what he decided to do with it.

Arthur had always joked he would make Merlin the next court jester, if he kept talking so much nonsense. 

Merlin could be so wise, so strong in his opinion, so responsible, if the situation demanded him to be. So protective, so hard working.  
But this was Merlin at his best. Ridiculous, childish and completely inappropriate and insolent. 

Slowly, as if regretting his actions, Merlin called back the tiny bird from Arthur's head and Arthur already missed it's weight on his head.  
Missed the fun and the humor in the atmosphere.  
His own childish amusement again replaced with the responsibility of the crown. 

This 'love', Arthur realized, was not on the same wave length as his feelings for Gwen. But they weren't just friends either. This feeling reached Arthur on every level.  
Arthur didn't dream of holding his hand or kissing him under the starlight.  
That was a recent development that seemed to get worse by the second.  
No.  
Arthur imagined them doing exactly what they always did. Never separated. Never without the other.  
Arthur had always imagined his life to continue with Merlin at his side.  
For moments just like these. Moments that bridged the nonsense of status and made them friends. 

But also so much more than that. 

Slowly the magic stopped, but the laughter continued on. And Arthur saw many people approaching Merlin, jokingly jabbing him and thanking him for the magic.  
But the smiles Merlin send them didn't quite reach his eyes. Wasn't quite as honest as the one directed at Arthur had been earlier. 

“I've never seen something like that.”, Arthur nearly jumped out of his skin, as Geoffrey patted him on the shoulder from behind.  
Arthur was glad that he was trained for sneak attacks. He almost screamed at the man. 

“Yeah, I don't suppose other sorcerer's ever use magic for something so stupid.”, Arthur shook his head. But didn't quite manage to let go of his own fondness. 

“Sire, I don't believe other sorcerer's COULD use it in such a way.”

Arthur blinked and turned around to Geoffrey. Who looked more than mildly impressed.  
“Why not?”, Arthur asked curiously. 

“Well, because ….. to enchant objects to move is one thing, Sire. But Merlin just called them to life. They had a mind completely of their own.  
I have NEVER seen magic like this. He truly is something else.  
If I didn't believe your speech from yesterday before, Sire, I would have no doubt about it now. This boy truly IS, THE most powerful sorcerer who ever walked the earth.”

Geoffrey disappeared how he had come. Quiet, mysterious and uncalled for. 

Arthur opened his mouth to say something, but the man was already gone.  
Great.... Now he had THAT to think about as well.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arthur was sitting in his room. Thinking. And rolling his quill around on the table.  
The table itself was decorated with apples and other fruits that didn't require export from Spain and lots of chemicals to preserve the rare treats.  
Because you know.... those were not a thing yet. 

Arthur had his head resting on his arms. Except for the one he was rolling the quill with.  
When a soft knock was heard on the door, Arthur immediately straightened.  
Of course, Guinevere entered with a smile. 

“Gwen.”, Arthur smiled upon her, but she noticed immediately that something was wrong. 

“You have called for me, my lord. Do you require something?”  
It was more of an inside joke, usually. When she came for them to talk in private. Though, they were never truly alone. Merlin always served as a chaperon between them.  
It was only proper.  
Or so Arthur had fooled himself. The truth was, he had always wanted him there. 

“Are you mad with me?”, Gwen asked and closed the door. She looked around and frowned in confusion, as she realized that Merlin wasn't there. 

“I'm not.”, Arthur shook his head and stood up to greet her. “Please, Guinevere, sit down.”  
He pulled out the chair right next to him, so Gwen could sit down. 

“No you are. I can see that you are. You keep avoiding me, Arthur. You haven't kissed me properly ever since you returned from the veil. Did I do something to offend you?”  
She paused as Arthur looked at her with guilt.  
Even though she knew him well, she misread his gaze.  
“Is this because of Lancelot?”, her eyes widened and she braced herself.  
“I assure you, there is nothing between him and me.”

“Then why did you assume I was referring to him?”, Arthur asked. Gwen closed her eyes for a second, before tilting her head up towards the ceiling. 

“We talk. We are friends. But you look at us, as if...”

“I wouldn't be mad, if you were.”, Arthur bit his tongue on his own words. Taken off guard by the pain, he leaned back and hissed. 

“You wouldn't? Arthur I don't understand.”

“Do you still love him?”, Arthur asked and searched for her eyes.  
Gwen looked at him in confusion, then disbelieve. Then she stood up. “Arthur, I love YOU! With all my heart. That won't ever change!”

“I didn't say it would. I understand.”

“You understand?”, Gwen shook her head. “Well, I don't! What are you talking about? I have been nothing but friendly with him. We're never alone -”

“That was not what I asked, Gwen. And you know it. And I told you, I'm not mad. I'm saying -”, he took a deep breath.  
“I understand what it feels like to love two people at once.”

Gwen's face relaxed and settled to something monotone. 

“That's why I asked you to come here. I don't want to lie to you.”, now it was Arthur's turn to stare at the ceiling. Hoping that some god would have mercy on him and just shoot him dead. 

Gwen looked around the room. Then frowned. And then, bless her, realization hit her.  
“This is about Merlin.”, she said, her gaze softening. Noticing the missing elephant in the room.

“Why am I even surprised. Of course you knew.”, Arthur huffed in desperation. In hindsight, if even Gwaine was hardly surprised, of course Gwen would know. 

“Arthur, I always knew how you felt about Merlin. And how he feels about you. I knew that the moment you told me you imagined to run away with him.”

“Didn't I tell you that on our first date?”  
Gwen laughed. “Yes.”, she nodded. “I knew that..... being with you would invite two men into my life.”, she looked amused.  
“Why would that be a problem now?”, she asked and grabbed for one of Arthur's arms that was now resting on the table again.  
She smiled at him kindly. 

“Because it's getting worse.”

“How so?”

“I don't know.”, Arthur said and closed his eyes. “I think it's.... partly.... “ , he took another breath.  
“He's not keeping secrets from me anymore. I can see him more clearly now, I think.”, he said and Gwen nodded.  
“The other part may be destiny related.”, he said quietly. Concern now washing over his face.  
Gwen frowned. “Destiny?”

“Merlin said, when he told Camelot of the past few years he protected us, that we were two sides of the same coin. That we are destined to unite Albion together.  
That sounds like soulmates, doesn't it?  
Merlin said, fate can be changed. But destiny can't. We can only choose HOW we do it.”

Arthur looked down again, now clasping his hand around Gwen's. Who looked at him kindly, with amusement but understanding and love. 

It gave Arthur the courage to look at her and say: “He also said, I was fated to be with you. But he IS my destiny, Gwen. I don't know how to feel about that.”

Gwen smiled with empathy.  
“Arthur, nobody said you would love Merlin.”  
“I just told you -”  
“No, Arthur. It may be your destiny to rule with Merlin at your side. But nobody said that destiny involves love. Don't you see? You can choose HOW you rule with Merlin.  
With him as your friend, your servant, your – court sorcerer, maybe even husband. Who knows. This is what YOU choose, Arthur.”

“I still think, you should be queen, Gwen. I love you. That has never changed. And I doubt it ever will. I can't imagine my life without you.”

“And I you.”, Gwen said and bit her lip. 

“Maybe there is a way.”, Arthur said and looked at her in wonder. Gwen perked an eyebrow.  
“I asked my knights something today. Which I will regret for the rest of my life, after Gwaine's – you know Gwaine.  
But Leon said something wise, I think.”  
“What is it?”, Gwen asked curiously.  
“He said, as long as everyone involved gives their consent, any form of relationship is fine.”

“Leon said that?”, Gwen frowned. “I thought he doesn't care much about such things?”  
“Well, he said it. I don't know how. But I think he's right.”

“Are you asking me permission that you can court Merlin and still be with me?”, Gwen asked, eyes narrowed.  
Arthur's eyes widened. “NO!”, he immediately said. “THAT implies I have to TALK to him about it. I'd actually rather die.”, he shook his head vehemently.  
“I mean, I understand how YOU feel about Lancelot.  
And I know that he loves YOU more than anyone else in the world.  
I'm giving you permission to court us both.”

Gwen's expression fell. “Really.”  
“Yeah, alright. I admit it. If Merlin ever comes my way and confesses to me, I'd like your permission as well.”

Gwen laughed. “Okay.”, she laughed again. “But only between the four of us. If you try to get out of this deal by marrying a princess for convenience, I will cut your ears of, Arthur Pendragon.”  
Arthur grinned back, a heavy burden falling off his shoulders.  
“You will be a great queen, Gwen.”

“Wait, what if I conceive a child and we don't know who the father is?”, Gwen asked the important questions without a hint of shame. Arthur took yet another deep breath, before answering.  
“I suppose -”, Arthur exhaled.  
“If Lancelot were to be the father – Camelot would be lucky to call his son the heir. Lancelot is a good man. A child between him and you can only become a good and wise king.”

Gwen smiled. Then she kissed him. And Arthur kissed back, knowing he made a good choice. For some reason, it felt strangely right. It was fair to both of them.  
The question was just, would Lancelot and Merlin play along? Would THEY deem it fair as well?  
Arthur dreaded to ask them.


	10. Fixing things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm at the point of the story, where I'm getting tired and my mind distracts me from writing this, with new story ideas that want to be developped.  
> I'm trying to pick up the last pieces of the different plot points now. I'm fairly certain the next chapter will be the last. And it's supposed to be an epilogue.   
> A little like the introduction, but to wrap up the entire thing :)  
> Sadly enough, I have upset some people with my ship decision. I don't regret it. I like how that turned out.   
> I'm just sorry I didn't name the ship earlier. Don't like/ Don't read doesn't work, if I don't put the right tags in soon enough and people get surprised in between.   
> Although, In my defense, I didn't know the turn out until it already happened either. My main focus was the concept of Dragoon turning in time, not romance. Even though the focus switched after he went through the veil.  
> It'll be like that sometimes.   
> I hope you can forgive me for the late disclaimer.

Arthur was training with the knights, as he watched Gwen walk over to Lancelot to speak with him. She waved at Arthur, sending him one last glance, to ask, if he was really okay with this.  
Arthur send her two thumbs up, then turned back to correct Gwaine's stance. 

Lancelot seemed a bit perplexed by whatever Gwen was saying, then he let her lead him off the training field.   
Arthur took a deep breath and was almost glad, as Gwaine swung the maze at his head. 

Arthur wasn't listening to whatever Gwaine was saying. He was too far into his own head, too focused on the fight. Gwaine may not be as good as Arthur was with a sword or maze, but he made up for it with his creativity and his reflexes.   
He WAS one of Arthur's best knights for a reason. So, naturally, Arthur couldn't afford to look away.   
In a close distance, Merlin was polishing a couple of boots and armor with magic. (11)  
Arthur really tried to get used to the sight. But to be honest, it was distracting him. A lot.   
Merlin had been watching Arthur, too, for a while, but right now, his head was turned to where Gwen and Lance had been conversing earlier.   
He looked confused and suspicious. He too, must remember Dragoon's warning.  
Lancelot as a pawn to destroy their Arthur's and Gwen's relationship.... 

Then he noticed Arthur watching him and they locked eyes for a moment. Instantly distracted, Arthur got instantly knocked off his feet by Gwaine.   
Arthur heard over his own heaving breath, how armor and boots fell to the ground and Merlin rushed over. 

“Everything alright?”, Merlin asked and knelt next to him, while Gwaine reached out a hand, for Arthur to grab and stand up.   
Arthur gladly took it and pulled himself up.   
“It's nothing, I'm fine.”, Arthur said and puncged himself on the chestplate, right where Gwaine had hit him to prove just how fine he was. It hurt like hell.   
He hissed at himself. 

“You should get that looked after, come with me.”, Merlin rolled his eyes and grabbed Arthur by the arm. Gwaine held up both hands in exasperation as Merlin glared at him.

“I get hit by mazes and swords all the time! I got attacked by BEES yesterday! Finally I get ONE hit in and now I'm the bad guy? Are you serious?”  
“Well done, Gwaine. Go hit on Leon.”, Arthur patted him on the shoulder, letting himself be lead back to the castle. Without as much complaining as one would have expected.   
Which was only a sign for Merlin that this accident had serious consequences and need immediate tending to. 

“Gwaine, do NOT hit on me!”, Leon kicked Elyan (whom he was training with) in a not very knightly move and used the distraction to sprint off the field.   
“One of these days, Leon. I will get you.”, Gwaine didn't run after him, but he narrowed his eyes like a man who had all the time in the world to get his prey.   
“I always get what I want.”

“NOT ME!”, you could hear Leon's shouts all over the training area, even though Leon was long out of sight. 

“Leave him alone, Gwaine.”, Percival walked over to help Elyan up. “He said no.”

“So did you, Percival. So did you.” Gwaine nodded and his eyes narrowed even further.

“Is this your villain voice? I think you need to work on it.”, Elyan huffed at the pain in his gut, but laughed it off easily.   
Then Elyan's eyes widened and he looked at Percival. “What?”, he asked, exasperated. 

Percival frowned. He opened his mouth to response, then he shook his head.   
“I don't have to explain myself to you.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

Merlin helped Arthur into a chair in Gaius's chambers. Almost immediately he started unlacing all those ridiculous straps and belts on his armor with practiced ease.   
It took almost no time for Arthur to sit there, his chest bare and a bright blue bruise spread over his rips clearly visible. Even in the dim light of the physician's chambers. 

“This looks nasty.”, Merlin said and scanned it for a second, before turning around and searching for a certain book.   
Gaius was not present, but Arthur kind of wished he was.   
Merlin was not Arthur's servant anymore, though the man didn't seem to have gotten the memo. 

The first day after his promotion, Arthur had almost fallen out of his bed, seeing Merlin standing right over him and shoving bread into his mouth. Like usual.  
Just now, Merlin had been doing servant work. With magic, sure, but cleaning armor and boots wasn't his job anymore. No matter how you look at it.   
And right now, he was tending to Arthur like he always had. 

Only that this time, Merlin read something in a strange language from the book he was holding and held a hand right over Arthur's heart.   
As that didn't seem to work, he clicked his tongue and tried another spell.   
Finally, he made and 'ah' sound and then pressed his cold hand down on the bruise. The contact made Arthur shiver. But a second later a warmth spread out from his rib cage.   
Right were his heart sat, a sensation overcame him, like when it's the middle of winter and you just come from outside and eat a hot bowl of soup.   
The blue easily subsided and the pain lessened. 

Merlin looked up at Arthur with satisfaction. Then, upon Arthur's non reaction, he turned his head away and down on his hands. The pride had fallen to something less open and yet, more vulnerable.   
“Should be fine now.”, he said and cleared his throat.   
“Of course. I'm a warrior, Merlin. I've been through worse.” Arthur rolled his eyes with an almost ignorant and mad tone. Which made no sense and Arthur had to stop himself to question just where the fuck that one came from. He had snatched his undershirt back from Merlin, who looked exasperated.   
Then Arthur's eyes softened. “No, seriously, thank you, Merlin.”

Merlin looked confused, as if he wanted to say something. Then he shook his head and changed the subject. 

“Anyway.... Do you know what Gwen and Lancelot were doing earlier? I saw them go back to the lower town. Did she say something to you?”

“I suppose they're on a date.”, Arthur didn't look at Merlin, when he put his shirt back on. 

When his head finally made it's way through the right hole, Merlin was staring right at him.   
“What.”, Arthur asked in a challenging tone. 

Again, Merlin opened his mouth, only to halt in mid motion, raising his finger and then pressing his lips together. 

“Out with it, Merlin, before you choke on it.”

“Did something happen between you and Gwen?”, he asked and scanned Arthur's almost amused expression with worry.   
“Yes. We've come to an -”, Arthur paused. “Agreement.”

“Agreement?”

“Yes.”

“And what exactly does this agreement entail?”, Merlin crossed his arms, completely ignoring Arthur's hair that was in desperate need of combing. So much for still doing his servant job.  
Not that anyone really knew what the job of a court sorcerer was anyway. In Camelot, of all places.   
“She's allowed to date Lancelot, while also courting with me.”

Merlin's eyes narrowed. His eyes flickered between Arthur and the wall, as if he was wondering which of them had more brain cells.   
“Did someone knock you on the head? Are you enchanted? Did Morgana do this?”  
Apparently the wall had won, because now Merlin was leaning over, stretching Arthur's eyelids to see whether or not his eyes had changed color (as they had under Sophia's mind control spell. Blood red, as Merlin remembered).  
Then he went and examined his statue to see, if maybe Arthur had been replaced or something.

“I'm fine. It was my idea. You – I mean – Dragoon said, Morgana would use Lancelot as a pawn to destroy Gwen's and my relationship. She can't use him, if he's already part of it, right?”

Merlin blinked. “That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say. And that's saying something.”, Merlin nodded seriously. 

“Alright fine, we have a deal. She can date Lancelot, so I can date -”, Arthur's sentence fell short, as he would have to end it with 'you'. And couldn't bring himself to do it.   
“You like someone else? Why don't you break up with her then?”  
“I still love her. And I don't think that will change any time soon. I just...”, Arthur sighed.   
“Is that weird? I know how she feels and it's difficult. I've heard some people in a similar situation say, their hearts were divided. But that's not quite it.   
If it were, you could cut half of it off and live with the other half. It sounds so simple. It's not like you can always just.... make up your mind.  
Loving two people at once is.... Like your heart is pulled in two directions and constantly shaken up and ripped apart.   
I can't control how I feel. My feelings won't change no matter whom I choose. That's why I talked to Gwen. I know she has a similar problem. She's fine with it.  
I just thought, that if everyone was okay with it, nobody would have to get hurt.   
It's an option, and I'm willing to try it out. Even if it doesn't work out with....”, Arthur cleared his throat. 

Merlin looked at him, then at his own hands, then he smiled.   
“So.... who is this mysterious lady you want to join your relationship? Do you think, she'd be okay with the arrangement?”

“I don't know, are you?”  
Arthur couldn't help himself. It was out before he could take it back.   
Merlin blinked in confusion, as Arthur's eyes widened and he hurried to sit upright. God, he shouldn't have said that. 

“I don't mind it. I hardly think she would care about MY opinion on it anyway. But if it does count for anything.... she'd be lucky to have Gwen and Lancelot in her life.”  
Arthur frowned. “And me?”, he asked sternly, relieved at Merlin's obliviousness.   
“Nah.”, Merlin grinned at him. “She could do better.”

Arthur knocked him on the head. 

Before Arthur headed out Gaius's chambers, he felt it necessary to correct at least one thing in Merlin's assumptions. “By the way -”, he said, watching as Merlin rubbed the backside of his head.   
“It's not a lady. It's a guy.”

He was out the chambers, before he could see Merlin's eyes widen in surprise.   
If Arthur had stayed, he wouldn't have seen the confusion in Merlin's eyes turn to a mix of hope and jealousy. And then even more confusion. But not confusion at Arthur's words. No. It was confusion at his own feelings that held Merlin's mind captive and irritated.  
Then - realization hit him full force. Followed by a frightened: “Oh.”  
For a moment, panic washed over him, until he repeated everything Arthur had done for him over the past couple of days.   
The way he talked to him.   
The way he stared at him.   
And then, because Merlin was a lot less oblivious than Arthur, he picked up the pieces. And everything clicked into place.   
When Merlin regarded the door again, he wore a soft, content smile. “Oh, indeed.”, he muttered to himself.

\------------------------------------------------------------

The alarm bell rang about two hours later.   
Merlin rushed out Gaius's room to find Arthur, as he always did in such situations.   
Arthur was rushing into the hallway.  
His chain mail had been replaced with a dark shirt and a leather jacket. Although, as always, he carried his sword around. 

“Sire! It is Morgana! She's standing at the Castle gates. With Agravaine. I'm afraid he betrayed us, Sire.”, Leon was swallowing heavily, as he approached Arthur. 

Arthur halted in the middle of the hall.   
“What?”, he asked, completely perplexed.   
“How many casualties!”, Merlin intercepted. Of course, always worried for the knights and servants.   
Especially when Morgana was involved. 

“None.”, Leon frowned. “Not yet. They haven't attacked. She casted a force shield. We can't get to her. Sire, what should we do?”

Arthur stared at him, eyes wide. Disbelieve in his eyes. “This must be a trick.”, he muttered to himself. “A trap?”, he asked himself. 

“Sire?”, Leon asked at the same moment hat Merlin asked, “Arthur?”

Arthur shook his head.  
“Merlin, come with me. I will probably need your protection.”, Arthur said and waved at an irritated Merlin.   
“My protection?”, Merlin rose an eyebrow.   
“You're the one claiming that you've protected Camelot with your magic for years. Now I'm asking for your help. Please, just trust me.”

Merlin scanned him, as if to see if he really was serious, or enchanted or something else. 

“Sire, the knights are ready for your call.”, Leon added, respectfully nodding to Merlin. Who was finally treated as the powerful warlock he was born to be. 

“Good. Hold them back, until I give a sign. Now, open the gates and let them in.”

Arthur walked passed the two other men who stared at him with wide eyes.   
“Sire, you can't be serious.”  
“Arthur, this is too dangerous! Even I can't guarantee -”, Merlin hurried to stop him, as much as Leon did. But it was no use.

“I invited her. I wish to talk to my sister, if that's alright with you.”, Arthur send Merlin an apologetic glance.   
“You INVITED her?”, Merlin's hands fell down his side.   
“You can't be serious. Arthur, she is DESTINED to aid in your death! Mordred, the druid boy is destined for your doom! And he is supposed to ally with Morgana! They WILL kill you!””

“Yes. But nobody said, when, Merlin. She may as well help Mordred to poison me, when I'm already old and dying on my death bed. The question isn't WHAT they'll do. It's HOW they do it.   
The ban is repealed. I PROVED that I'm not like Uther at all.   
I changed the law and took away the reason she hated me in the first place.   
After what you told me that happened to her, I finally understand why and how she changed.   
We may have the chance to talk things out now.”  
Arthur looked desperate and that did not go unnoticed by Merlin. 

“Isn't this just wishful thinking?”

“Where would I be today, if not for my hopes and dreams, Merlin?”

Merlin closed his mouth. Then he nodded. “Alright.”, he said and nodded. And for a moment, his eyes flashed golden. Arthur felt more than knew what Merlin had just done.   
It was a protection spell.   
Somehow, it felt familiar. Maybe this was why Arthur was hardly ever wounded by swords and arrows. (12)

“Thank you, Merlin.”  
“No problem. I have your back.”, Merlin send Arthur one of those stern glances, he always only wore, when he was stubbornly convinced Arthur would win his next fight. For the first time, however, the words were more than shallow reassurance.   
Arthur knew he could count on Merlin. 

“Thank you, Merls.”, he said and grabbed him by the shoulder.  
Merlin blinked at the sudden nickname, but only grinned his brightest smile ever.   
Leon looked between the two, then cupped his face. 

“Are you for real? Right now? Can we.... can we like focus on Morgana? Camelot's biggest threat? Can's your flirting wait?” (13)  
Arthur flushed bright red and awkwardly looked away.   
Merlin, however, huffed at Leon's complains. “No Leon. We flirt whenever we want. Go gather the knights.”

Arthur looked up slowly, as Leon just shrugged and left. Relieved to have permission to do so.   
“Merlin?”, Arthur said, but this time, Merlin shushed him.   
“Morgana, remember?”, he commented.   
Arthur nodded.   
“Right.”, his voice sounded higher than intended. This... they could wait. 

\---------------------------------------

Morgana was pale. The time in the hut in the woods - outside her home - had darkened her aesthetic, her heart and soul. But her face had lost all remains of color.   
Her entire persona belonged in a snow setting, not in the muddy grass field right outside Camelot's gates. 

By a sign of Arthur himself, the gates were opened and the archer's lowered their bows. They weren't supposed to frighten Morgana. Not that Morgana would be frightened by mere arrows.   
Merlin stood right behind him. Which made him the only real protection Arthur had.

Morgana stared ahead. She was alone, apart from Agravaine, who was shuffling next to her nervously.   
They had planned to overthrow Camelot for so long.   
And here they stood. All their allies left behind. All their plans thrown away. Because Morgana had changed her mind.   
She looked tired, but more rested than last time they had seen her. 

“Morgana.”, Arthur said and he knew Morgana had heard him, even from the distance that was still between them. 

Purposefully, as though his words had been an invitation, she walked forward. The archer's had to hold themselves back from pointing their arrows at her again and Agravaine was visibly and magically forced to stay behind. 

Merlin's stance straightened, ready to attack her and protect Arthur, if need be. 

But Arthur knew Morgana better than she realized. He could see the troubled look in her eyes. The one she had so often tried to conceal when she was still in Camelot.   
The one, Arthur had always assumed, came from her empathy for those who were innocently slaughtered.   
Arthur had always been on Uther's side more than he had been on hers.   
But deep down, he understood her feelings well. 

He opened his arms wide, his sword untouched at his side. 

Even before Morgana made it to him, tears had gathered in her eyes, and her mouth was quivering with unshed sobs.   
In a moments notice, she was right before Arthur and flung herself into her brother's arms. 

She knew, she didn't deserve this. Everyone knew, what Arthur was doing was preposterous, dangerous and utterly reckless. But Arthur wasn't a man who dwelled on revenge. Hatred, or past mistakes. He had made too many of his own to deny her what she needed. Just a bloody hug. 

Now, Arthur had never been a fan of hugging. But he would make an exception for her.   
She buried her tousled mess of a head into his chest and cried. Uncaring the witnesses around her. She had already lost so much. Her sister, her friends, her parents, everyone she ever deemed loyal or caring to her.  
She had lost so much more than just friends. She had lost the ability to trust in anyone but herself.   
And for so long, she had believed Arthur would continue to make her suffer.   
Arthur had proven her wrong. 

“Shh.”, Arthur made a sound, hugging her back and trying not to get his hands tangled in her hair.   
“You can come home, Morgana.”

Morgana looked up, her eyes still conflicted, still uncertain, still in utter disbelieve.   
“I don't think I can.”

“You have killed many people, Morgana. There is no excuse for that. I can't forgive you. I can't deny that.   
But I do realize, that I'm not completely innocent in this matter.   
I should have supported you. Your kind. I'm sorry too.   
I want you home, Morgana. I don't want to be your enemy. For one, because I don't think Camelot can survive you for long.”

They both laughed awkwardly through their tears. 

“I want to.”, Morgana said. “I want to come home.”

Arthur smiled, almost forceably so.   
“You still have to stand before the court and be judged.”, Arthur said sternly.   
Morgana frowned, displeased, but not angry. “Of course”, she said with shame. 

“But I can promise you, you won't be executed. I could lock you in your room.”, Arthur offered.   
“For a long time.”, he added as emphasis.   
One again, Morgana nodded. “I suppose, I would have done much worse to you.”, she nodded. 

“Merlin will make sure, that you stay in your room.”, Arthur explained and Merlin straightened once more.   
Morgana's eyes widened, as she finally noticed him and almost hid behind Arthur's frame.   
“Emrys.”, she quivered. “My doom.”, she explained upon Arthur's questioning expression. 

“You two.”, Arthur shook his head.   
“Are too wrapped up in this destiny nonsense. Come on in. We could all eat. Morgana, let Agravaine go. He's got a lot of explaining to do as well. He may have advised me well and he's your friend, but he aided you in murder and betrayed the kingdom. He will be judged as well.”

And that's how it went.   
They went back inside. Into the castle, where Merlin would watch Morgana's every move and the knights constantly had their hands on the hilts of their swords.   
All while the servants had run away as far as possible. 

“The people won't like this.”, Merlin whispered to Arthur. A simple means of warning in his tone.   
But Arthur shook his head.   
“No.”, Arthur agreed. “But they like war even less. And Morgana is a force to be reckoned with, when angered.   
To be honest, I just want my sister back. My father ruined everything we had.   
I have to fix it, somehow.”

“I poisoned her.”, Merlin reminded him and that made Morgana look at him.   
She looked tired, but all anger had left her.   
“I was there at your trial.”, she said quietly, and Merlin snapped around.   
“I understand.”, she said. “I would have done the same.”

And yes, she had said those exact words before, back when she was 'found' by the knights, but was really a secret spy under Uther's reign for Morgause.   
But, last time she had looked at him with mischief in her eyes. Only grasping what Merlin had done. Not knowing about the prophecies. Unaware of anything, really.   
Now, now she looked down with understanding and grief. 

Morgana was back. And of course, Camelot was in great worry. But Morgana got a fair trial. And she was not forgiven, but her reasons were respected.   
She was judged and criticized and still feared, even as she was locked in her old room.   
Nobody informed Uther of her presence. But they knew he would figure it out soon enough.   
And maybe it would break him again, that Arthur managed to get through to her, whereas he himself had been the one who shut her out.   
But Arthur avoided visiting him. So …. it would take weeks for them to know what he had to say on that matter. 

\----------------------------------------------

Later that evening, after the trial, Merlin came to Arthur's chambers quietly. Where Arthur sat and tried to revise the laws on magic again.   
He wanted to make sure he got everything right. Merlin was a great help during the day.   
Still, that didn't stop him from pondering all over the speeches and regulations that had been approved by the council, but not been perfected yet. 

Merlin's golden eyes settled on Arthur.   
They were almost always golden now. It seemed, as Merlin was allowed to use magic freely and able to practice it more and more, his abilities only grew over time.   
With no reason to hide, his physical form had grown accustomed to the magic, accepted it and become one. 

Merlin had always had a ridiculous kind of ethereal flare about him. It had grown to a point where it wasn't ridiculous anymore. 

“Great, of course. Come in, Merlin. You don't have to knock at all.”, Arthur rolled his eyes at him. And then proceeded to curse himself.   
Because it was always like this. Every time Merlin came in, Arthur panicked and instantly reverted to his usual prattish behavior (as Merlin called it).   
Which usually threw every thought of romantic approaches out the window.   
Arthur loved their arguments.... He was just.... very.......   
He was desperate, okay?

“I never knock.”, Merlin stated simply and closed the door with his magic. 

“Is there anything you want?”, Arthur asked, slightly suspicious and Merlin's serious expression. 

“Yes.”, Merlin said seriously. The way he usually acted in court. 

“What is it?”

Merlin took a deep breath. Nope. There was nothing romantic about this either. Arthur cursed his own cowardice. Why was he waiting for Merlin to make the first move?  
He didn't even know if Merlin liked him back.   
Though, to be fair, after everything Merlin had risked for Camelot, Arthur had reasons to believe he did. 

“Morgana is back.”, Merlin swallowed. “Which means she is still a danger to you.”

Arthur sighed and ran a hand through his uncombed blond hair. “Merlin, we talked about this. We're not going to change destiny, we're making up a plan how to get around the battle and murdering part of the whole thing.”

Merlin chewed on the inside of his cheek and then let his eyes regard his leather boots. Where those new? For some reason, Merlin had new accessories almost every day.   
Arthur assumed the druids had something to do with it. They liked sending gifts, now that magic was finally legal. 

Strange.... Arthur hadn't run into actual enemies in quite a while. Arthur knew exactly why that was and it saddened him that it took him so long to notice.

“I know. My question is.... what do we do about the dragon egg? In Ashkanar?”

Arthur blinked. Then finally let the quill down.   
“What?”

“Dragoon said, there is a dragon egg left in Ashkanar. It is the last of it's kind. He warned me not to hatch it, because Morgana would use it to create the weapon that kills you.   
But if Morgana is on our side now.... which I doubt, by the way.... then it should be save to get it, right?”

Arthur nodded slowly. Then his head caught up to the actual question.   
“Merlin – You know I've made some questionable choices those past few weeks.   
Many of my people are worried about the new laws. I let YOU – a supposed traitor live and not everyone was witness to your trial or believed what you said. Then I let Morgana back into Camelot. 

What do you think will happen, if I let you hatch a Dragon, when the last one killed so many of them?”

“I'm a Dragon lord, I can control them.”

Arthur frowned. “What do you mean, control? I thought you only talk to them?”  
Merlin looked down with a shy smile. “They have to obey my will, if they want to or not. That's part of the Dragon lord powers.”

Arthur stared at him. Then sighed.   
“I suppose, I have no choice then, do I?”  
“Of course you do. That's why I'm asking you for permission. I want to take you with me to get the Dragon egg.”

“I meant, -”, Arthur shook his head. “I'm a PenDRAGON, Merlin.”

Nobody laughed. 

“You've made better jokes before. Seriously, is everything alright? Are you okay with this? Will you come and get the egg with me?”

“Yes, Merlin, I will. I can abandon Camelot for a day, as long as you keep Morgana in check, so my knights won't be terrified for the entire time we're gone.”

Merlin beamed at him. “Of course!”, he said. Knowing that Morgana was unable to escape her room. And if she did, Merlin would sense a break in his barrier immediately.   
Also, what was the point in Morgana ruling over Camelot anyway? She was free to use magic at least, Uther was locked away as well and there was no one else left to avenge.   
And with Arthur and Merlin traveling together, Merlin could be sure that Arthur was save. 

“I could order Kilgharrah to look after the castle. Just in case.”, Merlin nodded eagerly. 

“Yes do that. Ask your giant cryptic lizard friend for help, when the people are terrified of him.”, Arthur rolled his eyes again. Albeit friendly, as Merlin was so eager and so thoughtful to help where he could. 

“We'll ride at dawn?”, Merlin asked.   
Arthur sighed, with a look out the window. It was getting dark once more. 

“Yes, alright. Wake me at first light.”

“Of course.”, Merlin nodded, the grinned mischievously as he added. “It's a date then.”

The quill fell out of Arthur's hand. With a clatter it bounced of the table and fell to the floor. The fragile thing broke in two.   
Merlin waved a hand and the thing was instantly repaired.   
Arthur stared at him.   
“Huh?”, he made intelligently. 

Merlin's smile turned nervous now. “It's a date?”, this time the question sounded uncertain, questioning.   
Arthur made the same sound again, albeit a bit more desperate. His voice higher than before. 

“You know like....  
You said you and Gwen had an agreement and -  
I thought....”

“And you knew I meant you?”

It was quiet for only a pause. Until both realized what Arthur just admitted. 'Holy shit, why did I say it like that? Why?', Arthur regretted everything for just a single panicked moment, before Merlin braced himself and walked over to Arthur.   
Hesitantly, he cupped Arthur's confused face with both his hands. Then, as Arthur wasn't protesting but letting him move his head in the right direction, Merlin leaned down and kissed him.   
Gently, as though this had always been their normal.  
It was a short one. But one, heavy with meaning and feelings and devotion.   
When Merlin leaned back, they both stared into each other's eyes. 

Time was ticking by and neither of them made a move to start a conversation or walk away. For so long, that either option would seem awkward and wrong, somehow.   
Finally Arthur cleared his throat.   
“It's a date.”, he finally agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (11) I said in an earlier story that Merlin wouldn't want to be court sorcerer (in my opinion). I also believe he wouldn't openly use magic, since it has become more of a habit.   
> However, this personal headcanon is context based. I think, the episode where Uther dies is Merlin's turning point. Where his protective nature and his hopes for magic turn into duty.   
> And his shame and regret for failing Arthur takes away his will to become more than a servant. To be recognized. Of course, it's also possible that this headcanon will change in time.   
> However, it's actually irrelevant for this story XD  
> (12) (The chain mail couldn't be the reason. That stuff had literally NO effect in the entire series. They wore it too long and too much, could move too well and even SLEPT in it. And still, they were stabbed all the time. That's not what the purpose of chain mail is. But let's ignore that.)  
> (13) Leon really said: right in front of my salad? But he doesn't know what memes are yet. I also wanted to include the poetry comment. Then, while rewatching, I realized the entire thing held place in Uther's death song. Which is season 5. I always mess up the time line.... But not intentionally XD


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrapped it up, as promised ;)
> 
> I think, you're going to love the mind fuck :)

Arthur's life seemed to consist of hundreds and thousands of decisions.  
As king, he was supposed to decide over the lives of every single person in his care. He was supposed to decide over life and death, worth and use, friend or foe, guilty or innocent.

And he thought, he would always have to make these decisions alone.  
He always believed – since he recognized his feelings for Merlin – that one day he would have to choose between Gwen and him.  
He was wrong.

Some things in life just happen.  
And if Arthur ever had a choice in whether or not he would change those circumstances, he would easily deny it.  
The driving force of their entire four person relationship, were in fact, Merlin and Gwen.

Their friendship was what kept their dynamic fluent and young and active.  
Though, whatever was between them never grew passed the stage of best friends and prank buddies, Gwen did one day admit, that she used to have a crush on Merlin.  
A fact to which not only Arthur, but Lancelot and Merlin as well were surprised by.

“Why are YOU surprised, Merlin? I KISSED you that one time, don't you remember?”

“I was dying and barely made it back! I thought you were only concerned?”  
“Concerned? I was worried sick, Merlin! Arthur was gone forever to get you that blasted flower. I thought, maybe HE died! And then he came back and got imprisoned. It was SO close!”, she put her fingers together so that the gap in between would have barely let a hair through.

“Arthur risked his life to get Merlin a flower?”, Lancelot – who still, even after four months, sometimes felt like he was constantly overstepping boundaries. Or knew too little.  
Then again, he DID have some inside jokes with Merlin that Arthur never got and which made him incredibly jealous at times.  
It was so funny, that Merlin outright flirted with Lancelot. (14)

In the beginning, Lancelot had been frightened that Arthur would kill him, were he to engage in such nonsense. But it was clear, pretty early on that Merlin only tried to get a rise out of Arthur.

Their dynamic hadn't changed much.  
There was just a lot more touching. A lot more openness in their expressions. And their language had changed slightly. It was more daring now.  
Other than that, they still denied liking each other, when Arthur was in public.

Which is why Merlin always hung on Lancelot's arm, just to tease him for it.

“He was dying.”

“I was a servant and you kept telling me you would have me fired.”

“You drank poison for me!”

“Touché.”

Well, this was the way the behaved around each other in public.  
In private, things looked a bit different. Albeit not much.  
But I suppose it would say a lot, if I told you that it was not Arthur who proposed to Gwen. Neither was it Lancelot.  
And it was also not Gwen who asked either of them.

No. Merlin and Gwen, as best friends for life, hat sat down together and just... planned it.

Arthur would marry Gwen. As Arthur was the king and needed a queen and all four of them had always spoken of Gwen as the future queen.  
Arthur had always believed, he would one day have to marry another princess for an alliance.  
But with Emrys himself at his side, peace was not only in reach, it was tangible.

There hadn't been wars, traitor or assassination attempts on Arthur for years to come. A fact which Merlin reminded him of daily.

So one day, Merlin and Gwen just brought up the marriage thing over dinner. And their speech had been so convincing, that Arthur didn't find it in him to complain.  
Lancelot also readily agreed to the idea.  
He would be the best man of the bride, as Merlin was the best man of Arthur.

Which was unusual, but made sense. Especially after Lancelot was promoted to first knight of Camelot. And therefore held an important seat at the round table.

One would imagine Leon would be upset by this. But Leon practically shoved the title in Lancelot's face and invited the other knights to a drink at the rising sun.  
This night would not be forgotten in many years, as Leon celebrated the end of his suffering.  
Or so he believed. The poor man was very wrong about it. But at least he was happy for a night.

If Arthur were ever to say, which day in his life he valued most, he wouldn't be able to say whether it was the day he married Gwen or the day Aithusa was born. (A miracle in itself. Arthur had never seen something as beautiful as the birth of a dragon.)  
Maybe it was the day Morgana met the dragon and immediately adopted the tiny thing and kept it in her chambers.  
After meeting Aithusa, she almost reverted back to her old lovely persona. Almost.  
She was still on house arrest. But people grew fond of her again.

Maybe, it was the day Galahad came into the world. The true heir of Camelot. A boy whom none of Camelot's citizens could ever resist any request.  
No matter what he did, none of the four parents could tell who the birth father was.  
Was Galahad a du lac, or a Pendragon? Merlin insisted it was Lancelot, but Arthur wasn't sure if Merlin wanted to annoy him, or if he was sincere in that matter.

Maybe the most important day of his life was the day he realized he wasn't aging. Or at least, not as fast as he should.  
Much like Leon, who was surprised, but also relieved to find, that he wouldn't have to spend eternity alone, with only one forever grieving Merlin at his side. (Like you were any better, Leon.)  
“Wait.... you too, Leon?”  
“Did any of you even LISTEN to what Dragoon said?”

Arthur had rushed to Merlin, who looked just as young himself to tell him.  
Which was how they figured out the side effect of the cup of life. Arthur was.... relieved to find that he wouldn't leave Merlin completely by himself any time soon.

They asked Lancelot and Gwen, how they felt about it. But both agreed that it was best, if they didn't search for the cup again. Gwen was already graying, as was Lancelot. And they were old and wise enough to recognize that some things in life needed to find an end at some point.

It was, coincidentally, the same day that Morgana – who had finally been reintegrated into life – was announced a knight of Camelot.  
The first woman to enter the training field, who was wearing, not carrying the armor.  
She would become one of the finest knights Camelot had ever known. And she figured, the only way to make up for her wrongdoings in the past, was if she got to fight for it.

“I'm not sure about this.”, Arthur had said.  
Merlin just rolled his eyes. “You're just scared she'll beat you without using magic.”  
“Thank you, brother.”, Morgana had grinned and smiled at Merlin. Who startled in shock.  
“What? You ARE my brother now. Brother in law. Kind of. You've been with Arthur forever now. I think I have the right to call you that.”  
Arthur had merely stuttered at this, but not criticized her any longer. He knew, he couldn't win a fight against Morgana. Not a verbal one, at least.

She was trained by Sir Mordred. In return, she taught him battle magic.

Of course, Aithusa was never far from them.  
Morgana, too, would soon figure out that she – as a former high priestess of the old religion – was not only immortal (which she knew), but she would also age slower than most.

Maybe the saddest day in Arthur's life was the day Gwen and Lancelot died. It were separate days, but there were only few in between.  
It wasn't like they hadn't anticipated this. They were well over the ages of 80. Both of them. It had only been a matter of time.

And … I suppose this is where we come around, don't we?  
The concept of time.  
Endless, never able to be grasped and yet.... there has to be an end for everything.

Be it a life, be it an immortal one, be it a simple story that makes you laugh or cry. It always has an end.

Merlin's and Arthur's adventures do not end with Lancelot's and Gwen's death. But Arthur is no longer king, as he entrusted the throne to Galahad.

Merlin, Arthur, Leon and eventually Morgana, Aithusa, and even Mordred (who was also immortal (15)) decided to travel.  
With a dragon as tall as a small mountain, they were able to go everywhere. See everything.  
They would shape the future to their own will.

They managed to stop famines, wars, slaughters and poverty. Not just in Camelot, which was safe and sound under their rightful leader and eventually, his own children, but all over the world.  
Albion grew even past the borders of the five kingdoms.  
They managed to reach the entire world.  
And create a place of freedom and magic for everyone.

And maybe it was this happiness that made time move faster, and yet everything seemed to last so much longer.  
As with Dragoon before, time rewound itself. Somehow, some time, everything began anew.  
And with everything starting anew, the stories of our friends had to end.

Wise, beyond believe, Sir Mordred found a new purpose in life.  
One he loved participating in, after embracing timelessness and magic.  
He found purpose in taking care of the innocent, the purest of creatures. And their magic sustained him. Different from what normal men, sorcerer's or even immortals would dream of.

Mordred parted from their group, though would always return their calls.  
He was old. Old enough to know that time was younger than himself. Here where it started again. But he kept his old family name. The one that he had lost and hidden, to remain unknown as a druid. He reclaimed that name now.  
He became Anhora. Keeper – of the unicorns. (16)

Sir Leon did not enjoy immortality. Like Lancelot and Gwen, he had hoped to find death in a calm way. Like... being stabbed by a sword, or being poisoned. (Leon has always had high hopes in his future.)  
In the end, he managed to find a way out of his endless suffering. He stayed long with the dragon lords. He befriended many of them.  
And some knew a high priestess who decided to help him regain his mortality.

With assistance from Morgana, whom he had managed to grow close friends with, they called upon the goddess of death.  
The Cailleach. Only to find a much different woman standing before them than last time they saw her.  
“I have waited for you.”, she had said. Her hair rounder, kinder than the woman they had seen all those years ago in the future.

“Who are you?”  
“I am the Cailleach, Morgana Pendragon. The gate keeper of the veil. I guard the dead at the veil between the worlds. You have come to claim my title, have you not?”

Leon and Morgana had shared a look, unsure what to say.  
“No, I haven't. Why would I -”  
“Morgana, the Cailleach is a title. It is not a name. And the time has come for me to end.  
To kill a Cailleach, not a life has to be taken. An immortal has to be sacrificed. That is why you brought your friend, is it not?”

“You have waited for us?”, Leon had asked, incredulous.  
“I have.”, the kind woman had smiled.  
Morgana hesitated at first. Because, of course she wanted to help Leon, but become the next Cailleach?  
However, she did find, that guarding souls was probably the greatest deed she could ever do, to repent her past. She wanted to do them justice. The souls of the people she had killed and tortured. Maybe that's why she agreed.

Arthur and Merlin.... well. Their story ends differently as well, of course.  
When magic was highest in it's power and the world seemed save enough, they nestled down somewhere where the magical presence felt highest.  
And of course, they became kings once more. Arthur was born to be king. And Merlin was born to be by his side, always.  
This time, the two of them together. Though they remembered their dead partners dearly and daily.

And they could have lived on forever. If it was not for the curse that befell Merlin.  
Not just him, but the land was dying with him.  
The curse was, that the time of the future king was once again, near. And the mere presence of Arthur contradicted his rebirth.  
Arthur's birth was unnatural to begin with. He could exist only once in each time line.

And so they decided it was time for him to die, so his younger self could be born again. So they could meet again for the very first time.  
Merlin and Arthur called upon the Cailleach and Anhora. And together they went towards the crystal caves.  
One last journey that would be Arthur's last.

Because you see.... the crystals never showed Merlin's future. He was just in it, because he was always at Arthur's side.  
The crystals existed because of Arthur. The paths that his future could take. And that it already took.  
Magic began inside the crystal caves. And Arthur was born of that magic.  
It only made sense that he would return and give back his new wisdom for a different future to come.

And Merlin? Well, you already know, don't you?  
Merlin was the fisher king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (14) This fun little headcanon was brought to you by GhostN27. Thank you so much for brainstorming with me :)  
> (15) I made everyone immortal who drank from the cup of life OR was killed by a sword, forged in a dragon's breath. Those are, surprisingly, a lot of people.  
> (16) Yes I just did that.
> 
> Small edit..... I know I shouldn't like... praise myself. But the crystal cave lies withing the valley of the fallen kings.   
> You know.... Fallen.... kings. Arthur pendragon. Many many times. This was unintentional. But it fits so well, holy shit XD

**Author's Note:**

> (1)This philosophical explanation of timelines was inspired by the Phineas and Ferb movie through the second dimension. I love that movie.


End file.
